Tammee was at my house bright and early for treatment day. When she got here Tadman and I were almost ready to go, but Kate was having a before school meltdown because dad, instead of mom, was helping her get ready for school, and let's face it, dad isn't always as patient as mom. But I put her in Greg's car screaming, Tammee loaded Tadman in her car, and we were off to Vicki Worthen's house where Tadman was staying. He, unlike Kate, was happy to be away from mom. He was excited to stay with Vicki.
Once at MSTI it was another one stick and port access achieved. That's status quo now. But they were so fast cuing me from blood draw into the doctor I barely had time to work on the puzzle. They should definitely schedule puzzle building as part of the appointment, otherwise I don't even have a chance.
Puzzle building is much more fun than meeting with my doctor who barely even talks to me. He scrolled his computer screen, talked on the phone about another patient, said "Alright, I'll see you next week," and was gone. He didn't even listen to my heart with his stethoscope this week. Usually at least he does that. Then Cathy his nurse came in and asked if we were a go for treatment this week and I said, "He didn't say, but I think so," and she checked my blood counts and said they looked good and said she assumed we were doing treatment. Yeah, he loves me.
Not 2 minutes after leaving the doctor's appointment I was called in for infusion, so it was optimistically a 5 puzzle piece day. But the people in infusion made up in kindness what Dr. Montgomery lacked today. I had Tammee, the nurse, and the gentleman volunteer to talk to, I had a bagel and a cranberry juice, a warm blanket, and lots of anti-nausea medications to comfort me. The whole process was over in the blink of an eye and Tammee and I were off (without the warm blanket, unfortunately). We picked up a few new and refilled prescriptions and went to lunch at the Brick Oven Bistro. Great lunch place! I had an open faced turkey sandwich with mashed potatoes, stuffing, and corn gravy. Definitely comfort food. Thank you Tammee for the lovely company and satisfying lunch, and thank you, Vicki, for keeping Tadman engaged and happy while I was away. He seemed very content wandering around the yard with you when we picked him up.
After Tadman rode his bike around the yard at home for a few minutes, we left to take Hunter to the orthodontist to get his retainer adjusted. It's been some time that it's needed it, so one of his teeth had shifted a bit, but Dr. Matunas believes it the tooth can be readjusted if he gets back to wearing the retainer regularly. Tadman contented himself playing with the "hucks" in Dr. Matunas' waiting room, and he was very reluctant to leave them when it was time to go. There definitely was a little separation anxiety and some tearful goodbyes.
After a little lunch for Hunt and Tad at Wendy's, we picked Kate up from school and headed home, but saw Ellie Phillips walking with her hands full, so picked her up and dropped her at her new house, which Becky was kind enough to give us a tour of while we were there. Her new house is beautiful, with a nicely remodeled kitchen and plantation blinds in her master. She has made an incredible amount of progress getting things moved in--with not a lick of help from me, I might add. She even has several pictures up on the walls. Wait to go, Becky!
Later in the evening Rachel and Kate and I were lucky enough to have Ellie's companionship again, this time at the spring show of Sweet Liberty dance team. I had never been before, and since we know several girls on the team and since they have had such incredible success in competitions this year, and since the director is a teacher of Parker's and a friend of mine, there were lots of reasons to go. Evening activities are always a sacrifice of course, because you're wasting valuable homework and practice time while you're away, but every once in a while you have to shake things up, right? And it was impressive show. As I told Rachel, if the football team worked half as hard as Sweet Liberty, they'd be state champions every year.
Thank you, Greg, for getting dinner together while we were out having fun. We got home, ate Greg's dinner, finished the homework, and sent the children to bed. Oh, what a long day!
A quick blessing count to end my blog tonight, because I need it. I'm thankful for the spring weather we've had. It's full of variety and energy, the air smells great, and it's producing some unusually bright flowers this spring. I'm thankful for Tadman and his excitement in all he does. He definitely loves trucks and riding his bike intensely! I'm thankful for Kate, Parker, Hunter, and Rachel, who like the spring weather, add energy and variety to life. I'm so thankful my husband has a job and is willing to work, because we have lots of medical bills that demand our money and attention. And of course, I'm thankful for my friends for themselves, and for all the kindness and help they are offering me. THANK YOU!
Monday, May 4, 2009
Sunday, May 3, 2009
Chocolate Fountains, and Togas, and Football, Oh My!
Since Tadman has changed sleeping patterns and now goes to bed at 2 a.m., wakes up at 7:00 when the sun rises, then plays himself into exhaustion and falls asleep on the floor at about 5 p.m., then wakes up at about 8:30 and eats dinner by himself until it's time to go to bed again at 2 a.m., it's more convenient to get to water aerobics now. (He used to like to sleep in until it had already started.) I went again on Friday--yes, that's twice in a row--and there was a substitute instructor who was just as fun as the regular instructor, but just let me blend into the other students instead of introducing me! Sometimes anonymity can be nice.
When I came out to the parking lot to drive home I had a super flat tire on the rear driver's side tire of my van. I called Greg but he was with a client (it's always a mystery his store is slow when every time I call him he's with "a client"), so luckily my mom and sister were still at the Y for the water aerobics class and they gave me some quarters for the air machine at the gas station and made sure I got there o.k. My van is just slowly falling apart, but thankfully it still starts whenever I need it even though it's dented and the windshield wiper fluid won't spray and the running board is bent and now the tire's flat, but it still starts! Whether it's quarters or laundry services I need, my mom and sister are still coming through for me.
In the afternoon I made my way to project day at Katie Thatcher's house. We had a great tasting healthy soup provided by Karla, and then, get this, a chocolate fountain with little fruits and cakes for dipping. I've never experienced a chocolate fountain on a Friday afternoon before. I thought they were strictly for weddings and parties, but Katie parties on Friday afternoons--yes! Most of us worked (me, very little) on door decorations for teacher appreciation week at Joplin. Cindy Whiting is working on several doors simultaneously, bless her heart. Those teachers might go unappreciated if it weren't for the ladies at that project day.
Later I took Parker, Tadman, and Kate to McDonalds to meet Misty Newson and her kids. It was great talking with her while the kids played and enjoyed themselves in the indoor playground. Once again, it's great to be surrounded by concerned and helpful friends keeping me engaged and going places.
Misty's daughter Daysha accompanied Kate and I to Kate's soccer game next. Kate played a very aggressive team that dominated her team a little bit, but the great thing about 7-year-olds playing soccer--they think every game ends in a tie. And they're always more excited about the snack than the game! Kate tried her best, did a great time making big kicks as a defender, and had a great attitude throughout the game, so it was a success.
Our family had another early Saturday, as Hunter had an 8:30 basketball game. I let the other kids sleep in because it was such a great rainy Saturday morning, and I thought I'd love to sleep in on that kind of morning, but since I couldn't, I slept in vicariously through them, and man, when Tadman's asleep, I let him sleep! Hunter's team is playing so well. They played their Saturday morning game on a tiny court at Lewis and Clark, and while Hunter is probably the biggest guy on the team, they're all getting pretty big now so it's a whole different game with those big sweaty boys on a little tiny court. It's hard to have any spacing or passing lanes, but they adapted and beat Kuna easily in the first game.
After picking up Kate and Tadman after the game we were off to my sister-in-law's house for a special all girl (and Tadman) party in celebration of May Day. We learned a little about the history of the holiday, made togas and head wreaths, and ate a glorious breakfast brunch of a kind of sausage and egg pastry, spinach and hazelnut salad, fresh fruit, hot cross buns, and orange yogurt topped with homemade granola. Robin and her daughters are fantastic cooks and present food beautifully which I always think makes it even more tasty. My niece Shannon took pictures, and I will be sure to include one in the blog when she sends them. Taddy and my nephew's daughter, Mackenzie, were very cute in their togas and headdresses. Tadman somehow managed to make his manly and only started having fun when Mackenzie broke out the trucks.
We enjoyed the party so much we were late for Hunter's second game. Luckily Grandma Dee and Ron were there to represent the family until we arrived. Hunter's team played Mountain View, and while they were a little more challenged, mostly because of their own mistakes, they ended up pulling away and winning by a comfortable margin in the end. They have just 2 games next Saturday and then tournament and have certainly exceeded my expectations by going undefeated to this point in the season. Hopefully they'll continue to play to the best of their abilities. Greg has done a great job of coaching them and bringing them together as a team. During school ball Hunter was often frustrated and irritated by his teammates, but he is really enjoying spending time with these guys during this AAU season. Greg does a good job of reigning them in and making sure they behave appropriately toward each other, and if they don't, they run.
OK, I'm not proud of this, but Saturday night Greg and Hunter and I hit the Boise Burn game. It's like the Walmart of football. They play at Qwest Arena on a field just a little bigger than a basketball court with bumpers all around. It seems like they really like slamming their opponents into this wall surrounding the field, and the fans seem to like best that if a football flies into the crowd and you catch it, you get to keep it. Coincidentally the players for the Burn were wearing pink jerseys to be auctioned off to benefit the Susan G. Komen Foundation for breast cancer research, but I didn't know that before the game. The Burn were victorious by about 200 to 21 or something, and although it made me anxious for real football season to begin, it's definitely nothing like real football. It's Cool Whip and real football is whipped cream. Can't wait!
Today has been another great Sunday. Church was mostly spiritually uplifting, although between my own kids and being at the back of the congregation, it was a little like being in the nursery. Tadman is much more physically active and verbal than he was a few months ago, so it's a challenge to keep him quiet and in control each week. This week he was considered to be too sick to go to the nursery again, so it was hard to listen and catch the messages in every meeting, but even so, it was great to be with friends at church.
And after church my family always enjoys picking on each other, fighting over movie choices, complaining about the small servings of home evening treats, and being disgruntled in general, but it's all good because in spite of all the bickering that goes on, we all get to stay home together, we have a nice meal, we have some gospel teaching, we have the time to talk or nap, or write blogs, and it is a day unlike the others, so it's all good.
Thanks to my sister Heidi for the package full of gifts and letters of encouragement for each member of my family. Heidi, I know you are frustrated that you can't be here to help, but I feel you here, and having Leah for a day was a great representation of you. I appreciate you writing a personal note to each of the kids, even Tadman, because each has special concerns and different perspectives. Of course we look forward to seeing you in person sometime soon because that's always more fun.
I continue to enjoy your comments about my blog. It's a great way for me to feel connected to my peeps, so if you have a few minutes, leave me a comment. I like the feedback.
When I came out to the parking lot to drive home I had a super flat tire on the rear driver's side tire of my van. I called Greg but he was with a client (it's always a mystery his store is slow when every time I call him he's with "a client"), so luckily my mom and sister were still at the Y for the water aerobics class and they gave me some quarters for the air machine at the gas station and made sure I got there o.k. My van is just slowly falling apart, but thankfully it still starts whenever I need it even though it's dented and the windshield wiper fluid won't spray and the running board is bent and now the tire's flat, but it still starts! Whether it's quarters or laundry services I need, my mom and sister are still coming through for me.
In the afternoon I made my way to project day at Katie Thatcher's house. We had a great tasting healthy soup provided by Karla, and then, get this, a chocolate fountain with little fruits and cakes for dipping. I've never experienced a chocolate fountain on a Friday afternoon before. I thought they were strictly for weddings and parties, but Katie parties on Friday afternoons--yes! Most of us worked (me, very little) on door decorations for teacher appreciation week at Joplin. Cindy Whiting is working on several doors simultaneously, bless her heart. Those teachers might go unappreciated if it weren't for the ladies at that project day.
Later I took Parker, Tadman, and Kate to McDonalds to meet Misty Newson and her kids. It was great talking with her while the kids played and enjoyed themselves in the indoor playground. Once again, it's great to be surrounded by concerned and helpful friends keeping me engaged and going places.
Misty's daughter Daysha accompanied Kate and I to Kate's soccer game next. Kate played a very aggressive team that dominated her team a little bit, but the great thing about 7-year-olds playing soccer--they think every game ends in a tie. And they're always more excited about the snack than the game! Kate tried her best, did a great time making big kicks as a defender, and had a great attitude throughout the game, so it was a success.
Our family had another early Saturday, as Hunter had an 8:30 basketball game. I let the other kids sleep in because it was such a great rainy Saturday morning, and I thought I'd love to sleep in on that kind of morning, but since I couldn't, I slept in vicariously through them, and man, when Tadman's asleep, I let him sleep! Hunter's team is playing so well. They played their Saturday morning game on a tiny court at Lewis and Clark, and while Hunter is probably the biggest guy on the team, they're all getting pretty big now so it's a whole different game with those big sweaty boys on a little tiny court. It's hard to have any spacing or passing lanes, but they adapted and beat Kuna easily in the first game.
After picking up Kate and Tadman after the game we were off to my sister-in-law's house for a special all girl (and Tadman) party in celebration of May Day. We learned a little about the history of the holiday, made togas and head wreaths, and ate a glorious breakfast brunch of a kind of sausage and egg pastry, spinach and hazelnut salad, fresh fruit, hot cross buns, and orange yogurt topped with homemade granola. Robin and her daughters are fantastic cooks and present food beautifully which I always think makes it even more tasty. My niece Shannon took pictures, and I will be sure to include one in the blog when she sends them. Taddy and my nephew's daughter, Mackenzie, were very cute in their togas and headdresses. Tadman somehow managed to make his manly and only started having fun when Mackenzie broke out the trucks.
We enjoyed the party so much we were late for Hunter's second game. Luckily Grandma Dee and Ron were there to represent the family until we arrived. Hunter's team played Mountain View, and while they were a little more challenged, mostly because of their own mistakes, they ended up pulling away and winning by a comfortable margin in the end. They have just 2 games next Saturday and then tournament and have certainly exceeded my expectations by going undefeated to this point in the season. Hopefully they'll continue to play to the best of their abilities. Greg has done a great job of coaching them and bringing them together as a team. During school ball Hunter was often frustrated and irritated by his teammates, but he is really enjoying spending time with these guys during this AAU season. Greg does a good job of reigning them in and making sure they behave appropriately toward each other, and if they don't, they run.
OK, I'm not proud of this, but Saturday night Greg and Hunter and I hit the Boise Burn game. It's like the Walmart of football. They play at Qwest Arena on a field just a little bigger than a basketball court with bumpers all around. It seems like they really like slamming their opponents into this wall surrounding the field, and the fans seem to like best that if a football flies into the crowd and you catch it, you get to keep it. Coincidentally the players for the Burn were wearing pink jerseys to be auctioned off to benefit the Susan G. Komen Foundation for breast cancer research, but I didn't know that before the game. The Burn were victorious by about 200 to 21 or something, and although it made me anxious for real football season to begin, it's definitely nothing like real football. It's Cool Whip and real football is whipped cream. Can't wait!
Today has been another great Sunday. Church was mostly spiritually uplifting, although between my own kids and being at the back of the congregation, it was a little like being in the nursery. Tadman is much more physically active and verbal than he was a few months ago, so it's a challenge to keep him quiet and in control each week. This week he was considered to be too sick to go to the nursery again, so it was hard to listen and catch the messages in every meeting, but even so, it was great to be with friends at church.
And after church my family always enjoys picking on each other, fighting over movie choices, complaining about the small servings of home evening treats, and being disgruntled in general, but it's all good because in spite of all the bickering that goes on, we all get to stay home together, we have a nice meal, we have some gospel teaching, we have the time to talk or nap, or write blogs, and it is a day unlike the others, so it's all good.
Thanks to my sister Heidi for the package full of gifts and letters of encouragement for each member of my family. Heidi, I know you are frustrated that you can't be here to help, but I feel you here, and having Leah for a day was a great representation of you. I appreciate you writing a personal note to each of the kids, even Tadman, because each has special concerns and different perspectives. Of course we look forward to seeing you in person sometime soon because that's always more fun.
I continue to enjoy your comments about my blog. It's a great way for me to feel connected to my peeps, so if you have a few minutes, leave me a comment. I like the feedback.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Through Bumps and Bruises, Rain and Hail, Life Must Go On!
It's late, and I'm tired, but the blog must go on...
You'll all be happy to know Kate has made her presentation and the horse report has been put to bed. Hunter, Tadman and I went to watch her and she did a wonderful job. We saw a few other kids make their reports as well and now I know, second graders are capable of some pretty thorough animal reports. I also know all about horses, polar bears and giraffes. I will be even more excited when the other kids are done with all their assignments and school is out for summer.
Since I have been advised to quit walking by my doctors, I motivated myself to get up Wednesday and go to water aerobics. When I got to the pool the instructor had me come up next to her and she introduced me to the entire pool and told everyone I was doing chemotherapy. You have really very little dignity left when you're in a bathing suit, bald, and being called to every one's attention before getting in the pool to do water aerobics. Now I can face anything. Well, it may have been a little more humiliating when the nurse practitioner asked to look at my bottom when I told her it was sore at my doctor's appointment on Monday. I'm stripping away a lot of onion layers here. After the big introduction I really enjoyed the workout. My sister's right--water aerobics is a lot like playing in the pool when you're a kid. It's hard to think of it as exercise.
Heather and mom came to my house to do their bed making and laundry soon after water aerobics was over. Tadman is growing accustomed to their routine now, and boy is he excited when they come. He loves my sister's yellow "huck", and my mom has started bringing him books and blocks and other little presents so he's thrilled when he sees them coming. I am too, of course. They act as therapists as well as laundresses when they come. They make sure I'm up emotionally as well as physically and always leave me feeling better than when they came.
Rachel's off to Logan, Utah with the chamber orchestra until late Saturday, so there's a strong male vibe in the house right now. Greg brought Hunter home from basketball practice tonight with a huge knot on his head. Apparently he bumped heads with a teammate in one of those loose ball drills. Greg wasn't concerned, but Hunter came right home and sat down in a chair and slumped over almost asleep and I panicked thinking he had a concussion. I called Mindy and she was nice enough to call David at work and have him call us to give us his professional opinion. I'll admit I freak out about head injuries ever since Natasha Richardson bumped her head on the bunny hill at a ski resort and ended up dying of a brain hemorrhage. David thought he'd be fine, however, so hopefully he'll be more chipper in the morning.
I had a lovely talk with Mary Dahl today. What a delightful, kind friend she is. I selfishly wish she was still around the corner instead of in Vancouver, but she always feels nearby even if she's not. Thanks for calling, Mary, it was wonderful to hear your voice. Thanks to everyone who brought meals this week, Justine Powell, Sherry Bithell, and Tammee Fulghum. I know someone helped Tammee, too, but I am not sure who, so thanks to whomever helped Tammee with her meal. Thanks to Sarah Nokleby for the long phone conversation this week--I appreciate you checking in with me and always being so willing to help with anything. Thanks to Vicki Worthen and Cynthia Waldon for going bike riding through rain and hail with me this afternoon. Tadman especially enjoyed the view from the bike trailer.
As I decline physically through this treatment, and I'm beginning to accept that will happen, even to me, I am so grateful to each of you for giving me something to lean on. You truly are making my burden lighter and more bearable, and I'm needing that support more and more as treatment lengthens and my body slowly breaks down. I am a humble and grateful woman. How much pride can you have left when you have no hair and you are showing people your bottom?
You'll all be happy to know Kate has made her presentation and the horse report has been put to bed. Hunter, Tadman and I went to watch her and she did a wonderful job. We saw a few other kids make their reports as well and now I know, second graders are capable of some pretty thorough animal reports. I also know all about horses, polar bears and giraffes. I will be even more excited when the other kids are done with all their assignments and school is out for summer.
Since I have been advised to quit walking by my doctors, I motivated myself to get up Wednesday and go to water aerobics. When I got to the pool the instructor had me come up next to her and she introduced me to the entire pool and told everyone I was doing chemotherapy. You have really very little dignity left when you're in a bathing suit, bald, and being called to every one's attention before getting in the pool to do water aerobics. Now I can face anything. Well, it may have been a little more humiliating when the nurse practitioner asked to look at my bottom when I told her it was sore at my doctor's appointment on Monday. I'm stripping away a lot of onion layers here. After the big introduction I really enjoyed the workout. My sister's right--water aerobics is a lot like playing in the pool when you're a kid. It's hard to think of it as exercise.
Heather and mom came to my house to do their bed making and laundry soon after water aerobics was over. Tadman is growing accustomed to their routine now, and boy is he excited when they come. He loves my sister's yellow "huck", and my mom has started bringing him books and blocks and other little presents so he's thrilled when he sees them coming. I am too, of course. They act as therapists as well as laundresses when they come. They make sure I'm up emotionally as well as physically and always leave me feeling better than when they came.
Rachel's off to Logan, Utah with the chamber orchestra until late Saturday, so there's a strong male vibe in the house right now. Greg brought Hunter home from basketball practice tonight with a huge knot on his head. Apparently he bumped heads with a teammate in one of those loose ball drills. Greg wasn't concerned, but Hunter came right home and sat down in a chair and slumped over almost asleep and I panicked thinking he had a concussion. I called Mindy and she was nice enough to call David at work and have him call us to give us his professional opinion. I'll admit I freak out about head injuries ever since Natasha Richardson bumped her head on the bunny hill at a ski resort and ended up dying of a brain hemorrhage. David thought he'd be fine, however, so hopefully he'll be more chipper in the morning.
I had a lovely talk with Mary Dahl today. What a delightful, kind friend she is. I selfishly wish she was still around the corner instead of in Vancouver, but she always feels nearby even if she's not. Thanks for calling, Mary, it was wonderful to hear your voice. Thanks to everyone who brought meals this week, Justine Powell, Sherry Bithell, and Tammee Fulghum. I know someone helped Tammee, too, but I am not sure who, so thanks to whomever helped Tammee with her meal. Thanks to Sarah Nokleby for the long phone conversation this week--I appreciate you checking in with me and always being so willing to help with anything. Thanks to Vicki Worthen and Cynthia Waldon for going bike riding through rain and hail with me this afternoon. Tadman especially enjoyed the view from the bike trailer.
As I decline physically through this treatment, and I'm beginning to accept that will happen, even to me, I am so grateful to each of you for giving me something to lean on. You truly are making my burden lighter and more bearable, and I'm needing that support more and more as treatment lengthens and my body slowly breaks down. I am a humble and grateful woman. How much pride can you have left when you have no hair and you are showing people your bottom?
Monday, April 27, 2009
The Ups, the Downs, and the Upside-downs of Cancer Treatment, By Margi
I haven't blogged since last Wednesday, and you know what that means--you're going to need a little stretch mid-blog or some sort of stimulant to get you through this one. Consider reading a paragraph a day if the whole of the thing is too daunting, or have one of your kids skim it and tell you the highlights. I will say since Wednesday I've been on the roller coaster and not the merry-go-round, so that might help.
It must have been Thursday morning when I noticed the article on the Komen billboard models in the Statesman. I was super excited to read it because I thought I'd have so much in common with these fellow cancer ______________ (insert your favorite descriptive noun here. Possible choices: victims, sufferers, battlers, patients, survivors...) So imagine my disappointment when I had little or nothing in common with any of them, at least as they were portrayed by the Statesman. I was discouraged! I had been very much looking forward to the Komen festivities, mainly because of the opportunity to meet women like me, but these women seemed NOTHING like me. There seemed to be no introspection or spirituality expressed, just a lot of "why me" and "this sucks". Depressing!
Then the same day I talked to Stephanie Parry, a woman I love to talk to, incidentally, but she was telling me about all the nutrition information she'd researched about keeping the body cancer free after treatment, and learning that I should have no more than 15% of my calories come from fat, no sugar (a cancer spreader), and lots and lots kale and swiss chard from here on out was an ominous and dreary picture of my future. Cancer or food, food or cancer? I'll be considering my options during treatment.
Luckily my mom and Heather came on Friday morning to do the laundry routine, and I was able to unload some of my frustrations with my dirty laundry. By the time they left my beds were made, the clean laundry was put away, and I was feeling much better about life. I was double therapized--both the organized house and the listening ears soothed me.
An unexpected visit from my adorable niece Leah and her husband Landon brought me totally out of the funk. They were visiting Boise from Logan for other business, but made the effort to come to my house and see how I was feeling and if they could perform any service for me. Talking with them and being around their youth and enthusiasm and wholesome good looks was positively rejuvenating. And Leah even came back the next day to watch Hunter play basketball and go to lunch with my family. Being around her was delightful! Thank you Leah and Landon for your visit. It meant so much to me!
After Leah and Landon's visit on Friday afternoon I was off to take Parker to a school visit at Christine Donnell Arts Magnet School. Both of us were impressed with the principal, the cleanliness and order of the school, and the variety of electives offered. We will be writing some pro and con lists in the next little while before we make the final decision. The obvious drawback for us going to Christine Donnell is transportation. We'd be driving Parker back and forth every day, but it's nice to have more than one option.
After the downer of Thursday and part of Friday (could there be a pattern forming here?) I was looking forward to the sporting events of Saturday, and I was not disappointed. Hunter's team played bright and early Saturday morning and had an epic battle with Caldwell. The game was tied several times and continued to be tied late into the 4th quarter when with 2.1 seconds left in the game, Hunter, the big hero, drove the lane and was fouled while making a lay-up, then banked the bonus free throw in, helping his team win the game with a three point margin. Quite exciting! Then off to Kate's soccer game which also ended in a tie, and in which Kate made an assist, then back to Lowell Scott for Hunter's second game, which was no longer a contest by the time I returned. Hunter's team beat Capital easily in that game. We ended a busy day by watching Hunter and the rest of the kids from church in the regional dance festival at Taco Bell Arena, and other than a minor altercation between Greg and another spectator who insisted we stole a seat he was saving, we enjoyed that too. My favorite part was seeing the different styles and personalities of my kids' friends coming out in that environment. Michelle Reed, Tom Sant, Hunter (of course), and Taylor Searle were some that stood out to me because of their dynamic personalities.
Okay, you must be growing weary of reading because I grow very weary of writing, so I'll try a little less detail, a little more insight.
The Sabbath was great for me. I loved the messages in all the meetings and came away feeling great, especially about my solid female support group at church. My feelings of love and my acceptance of little differences has grown so much with this cancer diagnosis. You can try me, but I honestly don't think any of you ladies from church could vex me in any way no matter what you did. You've all shown me such love, support, acceptance, and encouragement I can't imagine ever entertaining a bad thought about any of you ever again. And I think you like me more, too. I'm cooler with cancer, aren't I? I'm joking, of course, but I do think you've forgotten a lot of my shortcomings and imperfections because you're so anxious to support me. And I thank you!
So I've finally made it to today, Monday, treatment day. Today Camille Miller picked me up, while Mindy watched Taddy. When we arrived (after maybe 2 puzzle pieces--SAME PUZZLE!) I was quickly called in for my blood work. The port was accessed very efficiently and on the first try by the head nurse today. But when I went to my doctor's visit--a saw the nurse practitioner instead of Dr. Montgomery--and told her of my sore feet, blistered hands and sore bottom, and after she had examined those areas (why did I open my big mouth?), my treatment was suspended for today because I was too symptomatic. In other words, my body's falling apart! The bad news is, no more walking. I have to find some other exercise that's easier on my feet. The good news is, they don't add on another treatment later, they just skip it and move on. That means I'm still on schedule to be done with chemo on August 31st. So after getting the needle removed from my port, Camille and I got to have an early lunch, and it was yummy. Maybe I'll feel super delightful this week, huh?
One final note, we have conquered the horse report. Kate presents tomorrow and then we can put that puppy to bed. Yes! Thanks to Maureen for dinner, to my friends who brought the freezer meal, to Brenda for walking (what I guess will be my last walk for awhile), and to Camille and Mindy for the support today. And again, I can't say it enough, thank you all for your kind words, your prayers, your cards, your visits, your e-mails, your calls, and your comments on my blog. I honestly feel all of you holding me up a lot of the time. That's the only way I can explain why this burden feels so bearable. Hang in there with me for a few more months, okay?
It must have been Thursday morning when I noticed the article on the Komen billboard models in the Statesman. I was super excited to read it because I thought I'd have so much in common with these fellow cancer ______________ (insert your favorite descriptive noun here. Possible choices: victims, sufferers, battlers, patients, survivors...) So imagine my disappointment when I had little or nothing in common with any of them, at least as they were portrayed by the Statesman. I was discouraged! I had been very much looking forward to the Komen festivities, mainly because of the opportunity to meet women like me, but these women seemed NOTHING like me. There seemed to be no introspection or spirituality expressed, just a lot of "why me" and "this sucks". Depressing!
Then the same day I talked to Stephanie Parry, a woman I love to talk to, incidentally, but she was telling me about all the nutrition information she'd researched about keeping the body cancer free after treatment, and learning that I should have no more than 15% of my calories come from fat, no sugar (a cancer spreader), and lots and lots kale and swiss chard from here on out was an ominous and dreary picture of my future. Cancer or food, food or cancer? I'll be considering my options during treatment.
Luckily my mom and Heather came on Friday morning to do the laundry routine, and I was able to unload some of my frustrations with my dirty laundry. By the time they left my beds were made, the clean laundry was put away, and I was feeling much better about life. I was double therapized--both the organized house and the listening ears soothed me.
An unexpected visit from my adorable niece Leah and her husband Landon brought me totally out of the funk. They were visiting Boise from Logan for other business, but made the effort to come to my house and see how I was feeling and if they could perform any service for me. Talking with them and being around their youth and enthusiasm and wholesome good looks was positively rejuvenating. And Leah even came back the next day to watch Hunter play basketball and go to lunch with my family. Being around her was delightful! Thank you Leah and Landon for your visit. It meant so much to me!
After Leah and Landon's visit on Friday afternoon I was off to take Parker to a school visit at Christine Donnell Arts Magnet School. Both of us were impressed with the principal, the cleanliness and order of the school, and the variety of electives offered. We will be writing some pro and con lists in the next little while before we make the final decision. The obvious drawback for us going to Christine Donnell is transportation. We'd be driving Parker back and forth every day, but it's nice to have more than one option.
After the downer of Thursday and part of Friday (could there be a pattern forming here?) I was looking forward to the sporting events of Saturday, and I was not disappointed. Hunter's team played bright and early Saturday morning and had an epic battle with Caldwell. The game was tied several times and continued to be tied late into the 4th quarter when with 2.1 seconds left in the game, Hunter, the big hero, drove the lane and was fouled while making a lay-up, then banked the bonus free throw in, helping his team win the game with a three point margin. Quite exciting! Then off to Kate's soccer game which also ended in a tie, and in which Kate made an assist, then back to Lowell Scott for Hunter's second game, which was no longer a contest by the time I returned. Hunter's team beat Capital easily in that game. We ended a busy day by watching Hunter and the rest of the kids from church in the regional dance festival at Taco Bell Arena, and other than a minor altercation between Greg and another spectator who insisted we stole a seat he was saving, we enjoyed that too. My favorite part was seeing the different styles and personalities of my kids' friends coming out in that environment. Michelle Reed, Tom Sant, Hunter (of course), and Taylor Searle were some that stood out to me because of their dynamic personalities.
Okay, you must be growing weary of reading because I grow very weary of writing, so I'll try a little less detail, a little more insight.
The Sabbath was great for me. I loved the messages in all the meetings and came away feeling great, especially about my solid female support group at church. My feelings of love and my acceptance of little differences has grown so much with this cancer diagnosis. You can try me, but I honestly don't think any of you ladies from church could vex me in any way no matter what you did. You've all shown me such love, support, acceptance, and encouragement I can't imagine ever entertaining a bad thought about any of you ever again. And I think you like me more, too. I'm cooler with cancer, aren't I? I'm joking, of course, but I do think you've forgotten a lot of my shortcomings and imperfections because you're so anxious to support me. And I thank you!
So I've finally made it to today, Monday, treatment day. Today Camille Miller picked me up, while Mindy watched Taddy. When we arrived (after maybe 2 puzzle pieces--SAME PUZZLE!) I was quickly called in for my blood work. The port was accessed very efficiently and on the first try by the head nurse today. But when I went to my doctor's visit--a saw the nurse practitioner instead of Dr. Montgomery--and told her of my sore feet, blistered hands and sore bottom, and after she had examined those areas (why did I open my big mouth?), my treatment was suspended for today because I was too symptomatic. In other words, my body's falling apart! The bad news is, no more walking. I have to find some other exercise that's easier on my feet. The good news is, they don't add on another treatment later, they just skip it and move on. That means I'm still on schedule to be done with chemo on August 31st. So after getting the needle removed from my port, Camille and I got to have an early lunch, and it was yummy. Maybe I'll feel super delightful this week, huh?
One final note, we have conquered the horse report. Kate presents tomorrow and then we can put that puppy to bed. Yes! Thanks to Maureen for dinner, to my friends who brought the freezer meal, to Brenda for walking (what I guess will be my last walk for awhile), and to Camille and Mindy for the support today. And again, I can't say it enough, thank you all for your kind words, your prayers, your cards, your visits, your e-mails, your calls, and your comments on my blog. I honestly feel all of you holding me up a lot of the time. That's the only way I can explain why this burden feels so bearable. Hang in there with me for a few more months, okay?
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Yeah, I've Got Cancer, But at Least it's Not AP Chemisty!
I just woke up from my second nap of the day and I'm a little disoriented. Let's hope this makes sense!
One of the challenges of cancer treatment for me, as I've alluded to before, is being a mom and caring for five kids while taking the time for all these appointments, dealing with sickness and energy loss, and not giving in to the discouragement caused by all the changes to my former feeling of overall wellness. The past few days I've been put a little to the test with concerns about my kids.
Yesterday, I spent a good part of the day contacting schools Parker might possibly attend next fall. He's had a hard time at Lowell Scott this year with all the adjustments that come with middle school, so we (Greg and I, as well as Parker) have decided we'll make some sort of a change for next year. We're considering 2 charter schools in the Meridian School District and one alternative middle school. All of this requires phone calls and filling out paperwork and making school visits, stuff that would regularly be no big deal, but now seems kind of exhausting. The effort will be well worth making if we manage to get Parker into a school where he's happier so he can get his focus back on learning instead of surviving. We've completed paperwork for 2 of the schools and Parker and I will be making a visit to the third this Friday.
Another challenge I'm facing this week seems like a small enough problem, but man is it weighing heavily on my mind. Kate, in second grade, has a major project and presentation in the works and it's due next Monday. When did second graders start doing big projects anyway? She's decided to do her report on horses, and all the work needs to be done at home. That means we've been to the library, searched the Internet, researched facts, decided on visual aids for the presentation, written drafts, and we're still not done. Am I the only one that finds this crazy? Didn't we just finger paint and add and subtract in the second grade? Maybe have story time? We have a poster to make and a final draft to type, and then we'll start hammering on the presentation. Unfortunately poor Kate has to wake me up in the afternoons to get me to help her. If it gets done it will be because Kate willed it to get done!
Next on the kid agenda is a preschool for Tadman. He won't be going until fall 2010, but he won't be getting in anywhere then unless we get him on some sort of a waiting list now. My beloved preschool, My Friends Preschool, where Hunter, Parker, and Kate went, is no longer available, and the best preschool teacher in the world, Teacher Merrily, has retired. So today Tadman and I made a little visit to Hillview Preschool on Ustick, a little east of Cole Valley Christian School. It's a cute little preschool in a cute little church and the ladies there were very kind and welcoming, but you know how it is when you've been to the mountaintop and really loved the view--everything else just seems like a little hill. If any of you have preschools you're as passionate about as I am about My Friends Preschool, let me know, but Hillview may just have to do!
Even Hunter who's usually pretty self contained had a bad situation at school this week. Those darn sports teams can really bring you down sometimes, can't they? Well this week they announced a basketball meeting at Centennial so Hunter and a group of his friends who play basketball for Centennial showed up for the meeting. When they got there, the coaches told them they weren't supposed to be at the meeting--it was just for players who were projected to be on the JV and varsity teams next year, and those kids were being invited to go to a camp at Gonzaga. So in front of all those guys Hunter and the four guys he came with were invited to leave, and of course some of the guys who stayed are playing with Hunter on an AAU team right now, and so of course that gets rubbed in the face of Hunter and the other guys who weren't invited, and then Hunter's like, "Why's this kid invited and I'm not invited?" Doesn't it seem like this situation could have been avoided? I'm finding high school sports, and particularly basketball, a bit frustrating. Good news--one less summer camp we have to plan for.
And today poor Rachel, a fabulous student, came home exhausted with frustration. She has been struggling all semester in her AP Chemistry class and hadn't let us know how bad it had gotten. She's not relating well with her teacher and not doing well on weekly quizzes and because of this she's not doing as well as she'd like and is feeling a lot of stress. When you're a perfectionist like Rachel is and you aren't doing well in one class, it seems like the end of the world. All of a sudden everything seems to be overwhelming and insurmountable. I have a nephew at Boise State who's bound for medical school at San Diego next school year, and I'm hoping he'll be able to help her catch up and make sense of what she's not learning in the class. Okay, this week Centennial has gone from being my favorite school my kids are at to my biggest frustration. Rachel is just an excellent student! There's definitely something amiss in that chemistry class or she'd be getting it. I know all of you are praying for me. Please add Rachel to your prayers the next few days. Ahhh, high school! I'll take cancer treatment any day!
On a far less frustrating note, Kate and Tadman and I got in a lovely walk with Alaine Buckley last evening. The company was great, the weather beautiful, and maybe if I walk a whole lot I'll be as adorable as Alaine someday! Alaine and Karla also brought a fabulous mexican food feast to our house earlier in the evening. Thank you Alaine and Karla.
Today I was able to get out in the yard with Tadman for a couple of hours and dig dandelions out of the lawn and sweep up the front walk. Those of you who know me well know that's my favorite kind of work and it felt great to get my hands dirty and watch Tadman play on his trike. I even worked up a couple little thumb blisters. I just have to take the opportunity to spend some time outside when the weather is this spectacular. It can't last forever!
I've had a lot of things to keep me busy and occupy my mind so far this week. That means I've had very little time to think of sick stomachs and tiredness, although I have taken several naps, I must admit. But for the most part I feel pretty good so far this week. Now if I can just help Kate get that dreaded horse report done!
Thanks to Dixie and Brenda for the great meal we had tonight--very much comfort food, and thanks to my mom and sister Heather for continuing to conquer my family's dirty laundry and messy bedrooms. Thanks for phone calls, comments on my blog, and visits. I appreciate all of you and everything you do for me. This would be much harder, if not impossible, without the support and kindness of my army of friends!
One of the challenges of cancer treatment for me, as I've alluded to before, is being a mom and caring for five kids while taking the time for all these appointments, dealing with sickness and energy loss, and not giving in to the discouragement caused by all the changes to my former feeling of overall wellness. The past few days I've been put a little to the test with concerns about my kids.
Yesterday, I spent a good part of the day contacting schools Parker might possibly attend next fall. He's had a hard time at Lowell Scott this year with all the adjustments that come with middle school, so we (Greg and I, as well as Parker) have decided we'll make some sort of a change for next year. We're considering 2 charter schools in the Meridian School District and one alternative middle school. All of this requires phone calls and filling out paperwork and making school visits, stuff that would regularly be no big deal, but now seems kind of exhausting. The effort will be well worth making if we manage to get Parker into a school where he's happier so he can get his focus back on learning instead of surviving. We've completed paperwork for 2 of the schools and Parker and I will be making a visit to the third this Friday.
Another challenge I'm facing this week seems like a small enough problem, but man is it weighing heavily on my mind. Kate, in second grade, has a major project and presentation in the works and it's due next Monday. When did second graders start doing big projects anyway? She's decided to do her report on horses, and all the work needs to be done at home. That means we've been to the library, searched the Internet, researched facts, decided on visual aids for the presentation, written drafts, and we're still not done. Am I the only one that finds this crazy? Didn't we just finger paint and add and subtract in the second grade? Maybe have story time? We have a poster to make and a final draft to type, and then we'll start hammering on the presentation. Unfortunately poor Kate has to wake me up in the afternoons to get me to help her. If it gets done it will be because Kate willed it to get done!
Next on the kid agenda is a preschool for Tadman. He won't be going until fall 2010, but he won't be getting in anywhere then unless we get him on some sort of a waiting list now. My beloved preschool, My Friends Preschool, where Hunter, Parker, and Kate went, is no longer available, and the best preschool teacher in the world, Teacher Merrily, has retired. So today Tadman and I made a little visit to Hillview Preschool on Ustick, a little east of Cole Valley Christian School. It's a cute little preschool in a cute little church and the ladies there were very kind and welcoming, but you know how it is when you've been to the mountaintop and really loved the view--everything else just seems like a little hill. If any of you have preschools you're as passionate about as I am about My Friends Preschool, let me know, but Hillview may just have to do!
Even Hunter who's usually pretty self contained had a bad situation at school this week. Those darn sports teams can really bring you down sometimes, can't they? Well this week they announced a basketball meeting at Centennial so Hunter and a group of his friends who play basketball for Centennial showed up for the meeting. When they got there, the coaches told them they weren't supposed to be at the meeting--it was just for players who were projected to be on the JV and varsity teams next year, and those kids were being invited to go to a camp at Gonzaga. So in front of all those guys Hunter and the four guys he came with were invited to leave, and of course some of the guys who stayed are playing with Hunter on an AAU team right now, and so of course that gets rubbed in the face of Hunter and the other guys who weren't invited, and then Hunter's like, "Why's this kid invited and I'm not invited?" Doesn't it seem like this situation could have been avoided? I'm finding high school sports, and particularly basketball, a bit frustrating. Good news--one less summer camp we have to plan for.
And today poor Rachel, a fabulous student, came home exhausted with frustration. She has been struggling all semester in her AP Chemistry class and hadn't let us know how bad it had gotten. She's not relating well with her teacher and not doing well on weekly quizzes and because of this she's not doing as well as she'd like and is feeling a lot of stress. When you're a perfectionist like Rachel is and you aren't doing well in one class, it seems like the end of the world. All of a sudden everything seems to be overwhelming and insurmountable. I have a nephew at Boise State who's bound for medical school at San Diego next school year, and I'm hoping he'll be able to help her catch up and make sense of what she's not learning in the class. Okay, this week Centennial has gone from being my favorite school my kids are at to my biggest frustration. Rachel is just an excellent student! There's definitely something amiss in that chemistry class or she'd be getting it. I know all of you are praying for me. Please add Rachel to your prayers the next few days. Ahhh, high school! I'll take cancer treatment any day!
On a far less frustrating note, Kate and Tadman and I got in a lovely walk with Alaine Buckley last evening. The company was great, the weather beautiful, and maybe if I walk a whole lot I'll be as adorable as Alaine someday! Alaine and Karla also brought a fabulous mexican food feast to our house earlier in the evening. Thank you Alaine and Karla.
Today I was able to get out in the yard with Tadman for a couple of hours and dig dandelions out of the lawn and sweep up the front walk. Those of you who know me well know that's my favorite kind of work and it felt great to get my hands dirty and watch Tadman play on his trike. I even worked up a couple little thumb blisters. I just have to take the opportunity to spend some time outside when the weather is this spectacular. It can't last forever!
I've had a lot of things to keep me busy and occupy my mind so far this week. That means I've had very little time to think of sick stomachs and tiredness, although I have taken several naps, I must admit. But for the most part I feel pretty good so far this week. Now if I can just help Kate get that dreaded horse report done!
Thanks to Dixie and Brenda for the great meal we had tonight--very much comfort food, and thanks to my mom and sister Heather for continuing to conquer my family's dirty laundry and messy bedrooms. Thanks for phone calls, comments on my blog, and visits. I appreciate all of you and everything you do for me. This would be much harder, if not impossible, without the support and kindness of my army of friends!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Tiring, Yet Totally Terrific Treatment Day
Today was terrific treatment day. After getting all the kids off, including Tadman to Cindy's house (Thanks Cindy and Sam!), my friend Karla and I were off to the Monday ritual. Boy did things go smoothly today. I was hooked up for the blood draw on the very first try again! Those girls are really getting good! Then Dr. Montgomery was in fine form today--all smiles and kindness, even though the computers weren't even working perfectly, they were working well enough to get accurate, up-to-date blood counts. And maybe after I'd gotten in a total of 5 puzzle pieces, we were called into the infusion. Funny, even the nurse who came to call me in stopped momentarily and tried to put in a few pieces UNSUCCESSFULLY. You can't do a puzzle like that, lady!
The infusion was quick and easy. All that crazy anti-nausea medicine and those steroids are back on board. We'll see how long they last this week. Cathy, my nurse, said it's very normal to have fewer "good" days at this point, so my Fridays may be staying bad. She also said she thought I'd feel much better if I tried to eat small, frequent meals. That's going to be a challenge for me, but something to concentrate on this week--that and looking sexy bald. Interestingly enough, NO ONE except Cathy even noticed my hair had disappeared. I guess they see them a lot a bald women down there at MSTI.
After infusion, Karla and I had a delightful lunch downtown at Moon's Kitchen. I highly recommend it. I had the best patty melt with melted cheese and sauted onions and some great hand cut french fries and a strawberry shake. I got a small shake--don't worry. It tasted good today! The atmosphere is kind of hip diner down there, and our waitress was very kind and helpful. Let's go again sometime someone!
Oh, I had a busy busy afternoon. Parker and I had a Doctor's appointment, Hunter needed rides back and forth from the YMCA, everyone needed food, Kate had a big animal report to work on, Tadman was in dire need of a nap, we went and saw Grandma and Ron's new house, and Rachel was away working on a big power point project she's presenting in AP English tomorrow. Oh yeah, and I went to the grocery store. We even worked a short Family Home Evening in there somewhere, although I promised Kate we'd get in our game tomorrow night. You can only do so much, you know!
After a crazy evening I'm posting my blog wayyyyy too late. I hope you'll forgive me if I don't include any new insight today. Karla and I did have a great conversation at lunch about many deep and meaningful topics, and I'll include more of those observations when I can get to my blogging before 2:00 in the morning. Thanks to my sweet sister and niece and Brenda Walton for telling me my bald head is attractive. Bald women need that kind of reinforcement! Thanks to Karla for the lovely morning and lunch including some awesome discussion and puzzle building. Oh we came close to finishing that dang puzzle!
The infusion was quick and easy. All that crazy anti-nausea medicine and those steroids are back on board. We'll see how long they last this week. Cathy, my nurse, said it's very normal to have fewer "good" days at this point, so my Fridays may be staying bad. She also said she thought I'd feel much better if I tried to eat small, frequent meals. That's going to be a challenge for me, but something to concentrate on this week--that and looking sexy bald. Interestingly enough, NO ONE except Cathy even noticed my hair had disappeared. I guess they see them a lot a bald women down there at MSTI.
After infusion, Karla and I had a delightful lunch downtown at Moon's Kitchen. I highly recommend it. I had the best patty melt with melted cheese and sauted onions and some great hand cut french fries and a strawberry shake. I got a small shake--don't worry. It tasted good today! The atmosphere is kind of hip diner down there, and our waitress was very kind and helpful. Let's go again sometime someone!
Oh, I had a busy busy afternoon. Parker and I had a Doctor's appointment, Hunter needed rides back and forth from the YMCA, everyone needed food, Kate had a big animal report to work on, Tadman was in dire need of a nap, we went and saw Grandma and Ron's new house, and Rachel was away working on a big power point project she's presenting in AP English tomorrow. Oh yeah, and I went to the grocery store. We even worked a short Family Home Evening in there somewhere, although I promised Kate we'd get in our game tomorrow night. You can only do so much, you know!
After a crazy evening I'm posting my blog wayyyyy too late. I hope you'll forgive me if I don't include any new insight today. Karla and I did have a great conversation at lunch about many deep and meaningful topics, and I'll include more of those observations when I can get to my blogging before 2:00 in the morning. Thanks to my sweet sister and niece and Brenda Walton for telling me my bald head is attractive. Bald women need that kind of reinforcement! Thanks to Karla for the lovely morning and lunch including some awesome discussion and puzzle building. Oh we came close to finishing that dang puzzle!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
SHAVE IT! SHAVE IT! SHAVE IT!
Since the kids have been reluctant and freaked out about the whole head shaving process, when Greg woke me up early for church this morning it seemed like an opportune time to get it done. So Greg shaved it all off--Kate woke up and helped too--first with the big clippers, then the little clippers, and then an electric razor. Believe it or not, I felt much better looking bald, with a soft white head, than with that patchy itchy thin witches' hair I've been sporting this week. When I saw the back of my head in the mirror last night and I had some nice male pattern bald spots, a nice clean shave started sounding pretty good. I don't know if you'll agree, but I actually have a pretty nice looking head. And hat wearing is much more enjoyable when you don't have to worry about what the hat's going to do to your hair.
I took the new look to church today, not totally naked but with a little black cap on, and although I got some stares, I'm sure they were mostly stares of recognition of cancer treatment and sympathy, and not stares of "who's that freak?" I feel very empowered by shaving it instead of just letting it slowly and disgustingly fall out. It's a great change.
The messages I got from church today (when I wasn't distracted by a restless 2-year-old and 2 restless 12-year-olds and 1 restless 46-year-old) was that the power of repentance is real and God always wants us back and welcomes us with open arms if we turn back toward him, and that each individual is important and significant and God prefers that none of us get lost along the way. I'm sure there were some other important points I missed, but I liked the ones I got. I am glad for all the ways Heavenly Father is providing for me and cushioning my blows--like by giving me a nice looking head so I don't have to feel self conscious about being bald! And there's no way I'll have a single split end when it grows back in! But seriously, I am humbled by all the tender mercies I have every day. When I need them they come and I'm much more aware of them than ever before. I realize more than ever that cancer can't kill a good attitude any more than winning the lottery can promote a good attitude. Your attitude has nothing whatsoever to do with what you have or don't have. You'll only achieve a good attitude when you're grateful for what you have--truly and genuinely grateful.
Speaking of tender mercies, thanks to the Dibbles for surprising us with dinner today, and a continual stream of thanks to Justine Powell for making all my babysitting arrangements and making sure we have meals and I have walking partners and chemo buddies. Thank you ALL for providing meals, encouragement, gifts, and prayers for me and my family. We love you!
I took the new look to church today, not totally naked but with a little black cap on, and although I got some stares, I'm sure they were mostly stares of recognition of cancer treatment and sympathy, and not stares of "who's that freak?" I feel very empowered by shaving it instead of just letting it slowly and disgustingly fall out. It's a great change.
The messages I got from church today (when I wasn't distracted by a restless 2-year-old and 2 restless 12-year-olds and 1 restless 46-year-old) was that the power of repentance is real and God always wants us back and welcomes us with open arms if we turn back toward him, and that each individual is important and significant and God prefers that none of us get lost along the way. I'm sure there were some other important points I missed, but I liked the ones I got. I am glad for all the ways Heavenly Father is providing for me and cushioning my blows--like by giving me a nice looking head so I don't have to feel self conscious about being bald! And there's no way I'll have a single split end when it grows back in! But seriously, I am humbled by all the tender mercies I have every day. When I need them they come and I'm much more aware of them than ever before. I realize more than ever that cancer can't kill a good attitude any more than winning the lottery can promote a good attitude. Your attitude has nothing whatsoever to do with what you have or don't have. You'll only achieve a good attitude when you're grateful for what you have--truly and genuinely grateful.
Speaking of tender mercies, thanks to the Dibbles for surprising us with dinner today, and a continual stream of thanks to Justine Powell for making all my babysitting arrangements and making sure we have meals and I have walking partners and chemo buddies. Thank you ALL for providing meals, encouragement, gifts, and prayers for me and my family. We love you!
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