My Prescription? Football, Cute Costumed Kids, and Sisters!

So much has happened in the week and few days since the big surgery. It's hard to believe one can have a mastectomy and still have so much life to live while the healing process is underway, but when you're a mom, that's just the way you roll.
Since surgery Hunter's football season has come to a close in a most dramatic fashion. His JV team won what was essentially the district championship by beating Borah in the snow BEFORE HALLOWEEN EVEN on Thursday night. Hunter bugged his coach enough that on the final drive of the game Hunter was allowed to line up as running back after borrowing a jersey so he'd have a legal number to play running back. He ended up gaining 6 yards, and then Centennial's quarterback took a knee just feet away from the end zone to run out the clock. Hey, it would have been great if he'd scored a touchdown, but I'm sure he's happy with a season in which he and his team won 9 games, he recorded his first official tackle while playing defensive line, and gained 6 yards rushing as running back. What a great season!
The very next night he got a chance to be with the Varsity team as they faced Eagle in the district playoffs for their chance to advance to the state tournament. I must admit I didn't give Centennial much of a chance after the way they played the week before at Meridian, but they really played well, and ALMOST won. Unfortunately, Eagle scored late and Centennial was unable to answer, although they came close. The kids on the team, especially the seniors, seemed very sad to be eliminated, but for Hunter, I think he was a little bit happy to have the season over. He is excited, however, for a chance to be a real contributor on next year's varsity team. He got a little taste this year, but next year, it's on! Centennial's definitely due for a state championship.
Right before Hunter's JV game on Thursday, my sister-in-law, Val, picked me up to take Taddy and I to the Joplin Elementary Halloween parade and party. That's was a great place for healing to take place, watching hundreds of adorable fresh-faced kids excitedly don costumes for their chance to show their stuff. I love the kids who really get into character and make those costumes come alive. Unfortunately Tadman refused to put his bat costume on, so Kate had to roam the halls without him. We never did get that costume on Tadman, but he was pretty cute as himself!
Halloween day was a great occassion for rebuilding strength and stamina. I woke up to a little College Game Day, as is my usual practice on Saturday mornings, and then spent a little extra time getting ready for the BSU/San Jose State game. It's not that I was putting on a special costume or anything--I just need a little extra time to empty my drains and put my clothes on. I'm still a little tender on that left side, and it's still hard to get shirts on and off, and I need extras when I'm going to be out in the cold for 3 and a half hours. As always, I really enjoyed the game. I was, however, as shadow of my regular self in the cheering department. No vigorous clapping and screaming at this game. How lucky are we to get to watch the seventh ranked team in all of college football? I feel lucky!
After the game it was time to focus on the kids and their enjoyment of Halloween (and of course watch Oregon and USC play on TV!). When we got home Parker and Kate were already out trick-or-treating with friends. We got to watch Rachel and her friend, John, become Sweeny Todd and the meat pie lady. It took them several hours to get the finishing touches just right!
With Halloween in the rear view mirror, I spent the day yesterday at doctor's appointments. Dr. Montgomery seemed very pleased with the findings of the pathology report from my surgery. He liked my "margins" so much, and the only one node showing any sign of cancer, that he actually applauded. I think that's good. While at MSTI I got to see my old friends in the chemo suite as I had a blood test and had my port flushed (every month or 2,000 miles, whichever comes first).
At Dr. Livingston's my incision was examined and admired and it was determined that 1of the 2 drains could be removed. I was promised a pain-free experience by Dr. Livingston, and although it was PAINFUL, it is a thrill to get a drain out. Oh, happy day when drain number 2 comes out too, hopefully at the end of the week.
As I was at the doctor (my indispensible sister, Heather, drove me to these appointments and entertained Tadman for hours while I talked to doctors) angels from church were at my house scrubbing toilets and mopping floors. Julia Hansen even hung pictures! All these kindnesses most certainly contributed to healing!
The prognosis seems very positive at this point. Next week I meet my new Radiologist to set up the schedule for those treatments, and the blood test I had yesterday will help Dr. Montgomery decide which medicine he wants to give me for the next five years to further ensure there will be no recurrence of cancer. In the not too distant future I will be able to have my body rebuilt to match the youthfulness I feel inside if I so choose, and then all this will be in the rear view mirror for me. I can do this, I think.
I don't think I'd be saying that as enthusiastically without the unfailing support of sisters--my sisters and sisters-in-law, my daughters, and the sisters of my church and neighborhood. Especially since the mastectomy, I have had so much help with meals and household work and changing diapers that I have been able to focus all my energy on getting better, and as I result, I am getting better, and quickly at that! Oh how sincerely I say THANK YOU to all my sisters. With you by my side, and the continued blessings of my Father in Heaven, I can do this. I know I can.

"Radical" is Right!

Hello to all my blog following friends. I am still alive, but at this point, just barely. I had a radical mastectomy at St. Luke's Hospital last Thursday, and now that I've had it, I understand why they call it "radical". They certainly take a lot of tissue that has always been part of your body, and it's a little hard to get used to the new view in the mirror. That, and the fact that the radical mastectomy is not the end of cancer treatment, is more than a little discouraging, but as has been the case throughout this life experience, this strange journey, there is always a lot to be grateful for.
Greg and I had to be at the hospital at 6 a.m. for the prep for this procedure. My sister-in-law, Val, was patiently waiting when we arrived 10 minutes late, and she was a great support and good resource of information throughout the day. After a little paperwork Greg, Val, and I were taken to the surgery waiting room. They got to stay, but I had to be prepped for surgery. I tried to convince them that Val was Margi Nettles, but it didn't work. So I got weighed, undressed, gowned, fitted in the tight stockings that prevent blood clots, had my blood drawn, had a IV started, talked with the anesthesiologist, and then lost all consciousness or recall for several hours, until a man with crazy, curly red hair was trying to rouse me from my deep sleep. According to Greg it took him an hour and a half before I was roused enough to be transferred to my hospital room. Greg and Val were still there, and then when Greg had to leave my brother Jared came and I had a very pleasant afternoon talking with Jared and Val about all kinds of subjects, mainly my kids and their kids, whom we seem to talk about a lot. I felt pretty darn good right out of surgery. I had one dose of morphine, but from there I lasted the whole day and didn't take anything else for pain until I was going to sleep that night, at which time I took one Norco tablet. There isn't a lot of physical pain associated with a mastectomy, but there is a lot of numbness and nerve damage done, and of course it's quite hard to see yourself when those bandages are removed and you realize how much of your body is no longer there. But I was able to recover from the surgery quickly. I had a clear head right away, and that whole day spent with Jared and Val, my mom and sister, Heather, and Greg and Rachel was a very pleasant day.
It's hard to get a good night's sleep at the hospital, of course, because the nurses are wide awake when they come to check your vitals, and they think you ought to be wide awake too, so at about 12:30 I was roused out of a sound sleep to find out my temperature, blood pressure, and oxygen saturation was normal, and then I was allowed to sleep again until about 5 a.m. when I had to get help unhooking from all the machines so I could go to the bathroom. That whole first day and into the morning of the next I had cuffs on my legs that would periodically tighten to keep the blood flow going in my legs. I was also on oxygen and my IV was still in place, so all that stuff had to be detached or be wheeled to the bathroom with me every time I had to go. That was probably the most unpleasant part of my hospital stay.
Early Friday morning my surgeon, Dr. Livingston, came and checked on me and took the ace bandages that were wrapped around my chest off. Surprisingly she said I could take a shower whenever I wanted and go home whenever I was ready. The surgery went well, or how she had anticipated it would go, and she just reminded me to make little use of my left arm until after I had seen her in two weeks. The final report on the tissue she removed won't be available for about a week. Of course the best would be if that tissue was completely cancer free, but Greg says it will also be good news if there is no new cancer growth since the original diagnosis. We're all hoping the pathology report brings the best possible news.
My sister Heather did me the favor of driving me home on Friday, and of taking me to get a mastectomy camisole that has little pockets in place for the 2 bags I came home with that catch the fluid that drains from the wounds in my chest and under my arm where the lymph nodes were removed. The drains stay in until the fluid slows down, so a couple of weeks at least. The mastectomy vest also comes with a breast form, but I need a little help making it match my remaining breast. Right now it's considerably larger. I'm sure with a little tweaking it will do its job.
I was lucky enough to make it home in time to see Hunter leaving the house for his game that night, and also fortunate enough to be at his game. Even though he ended up not playing much and his team lost in overtime, it felt great to have some normalcy restored right away, and the cool air felt refreshing after spending a day and a half in a hospital room.
Since then I've been able to get out and do a few things. I was able to attend Kate's piano recital on Saturday and go out to dinner with my sister Heidi and her daughter, Leah, and my two girls afterward. On Sunday night I was well enough to come downstairs to eat dinner with my family, and because I was already up I was able to greet some visitors who came by to check on me. Thank you to my visitors and to people bringing flowers and goodies. Thank you to my friend Sarah for the beautiful scarf that's just perfect for fall weather. Thank you to my water aerobics instructor, Tami, and to my whole water aerobics sisterhood for the huge bouquet and the cards of support. I love visitors!
Okay, now to list some of the things I have to be grateful for. I am grateful my sister Heidi spent the money and took the time to spend a week taking care of my family. The kids have made all their appointments, they've been well fed, Tadman's been cuddled and read to, and Kate's had the right things signed and returned to school. I'm grateful for Dee and Ron who made sure Tadman was cared for and entertained the entire time I was at the hospital, and then picked him up on Saturday to take him apple picking. He's been very happy, content, and well taken care of between the three of them. I am grateful that the view out my window was so spectacular and beautiful while I was in the hospital, and I could see the part of Boise where I grew up while I was there. I am thankful for the fall and for the beautiful scenery it provides and for football season that comes with it, because football just makes me happy. I am thankful that I had a skilled doctor to do my surgery, a clean, comfortable place to recuperate, and especially for medical insurance so my family isn't paying for this for the rest of our lives. I am thankful for my brothers and sisters who have really been here for me, come to see me, and called me, and for my mom who has suffered this surgery before me and moved on so well and bravely. What a great example she is! I'm especially grateful to have a husband and children to come home to, and to motivate me to make a speedy recovery so I can start being the caregiver instead of the care receiver again. This victim, sick person thing does not come naturally to me and it sure doesn't feel good. I like being strong, independent, and productive. Will I ever be that way again?
There's the update! Next up are check-ups with Drs. Livingston and Montgomery, then next will be radiation treatments for 6 weeks. I am a little shocked that there's more cancer treatment ahead. Certainly chemo and mastectomy seem like they ought to do the trick! I look forward to seeing Dr. Montgomery again so I can playfully banter with him about the "treatment" I've received. So onward and upward I suppose...

Living Life, Cooking and Cleaning, Timebomb Ticking

Nothing new to report on my health this week. I know that will be disappointing to those of you who read this blog just to hear about what horrible things are happening to my body as I go through treatment. I have tried to call MSTI a couple of times to figure out when I'm next supposed to see Dr. Montgomery, but they don't call me back, so I guess now that he's done torturing me with his crazy chemicals he's done with me. That's a little disappointing since I look so forward to doing those puzzles as I wait.
It's a funny thing, but I actually have felt worse the past 10 days since quitting treatments than I have for weeks. My fingernails have little bubbles of puss underneath them and it hurts them when I scratch an itch, tie or untie shoelaces, try to open packages, or anything else that I do with them. There's a noticeable line on each one where the damaged part is and where the new, undamaged part has grown in. Also, my bottom is much more sore now than it was, but has started to improve in the past few days, and my feet and hands are still numb from neuropathy, but I'm hoping that they will soon recover. I've had a lot of headaches the past week, but I think they are a result of withdrawal from all the medications they've given me to ease the symptoms caused by the treatments, and I think the headaches will stop as soon as my body is able to get rid of all that's left behind. I'm not sure about the high glucose levels, if they've returned to normal, but I'm continuing to eat like they are high until I find out.
I was expecting to have a very gloomy day last Thursday as a result of missing the treatment day experience, but I did better than I thought I would. I took Tadman to the YMCA nursery and did a water aerobics class and was able to get energy and camaraderie there like I would have down at MSTI, and thus avoided that loneliness and sadness I was expecting to feel. The Y is such a great place for me to be, especially the pool area, because that's where all the people come who really have health challenges. Grandmas and grandpas come in their wheelchairs and get lowered into the water with this cool little machine so they can move their bodies in that warm water and not feel all the effects of gravity on those parts that are sore and weak. Extremely overweight people come to walk in the water for the same benefits. Handicapped people of all sorts make their way to that pool each day to get their exercise in, so how can I feel sorry for myself and my small afflictions and limitations when those courageous people make what must be a long and arduous journey getting there each day? I can't. What's losing a breast compared with that?
Another bright spot on Thursday was watching Hunter play football in the evening. He did such a great job of opening huge holes on that line during the JV game that his team scored 42 points before Capital had scored once. In the third quarter Capital finally did score, but then Centennial immediately answered that score with another of their own. I believe the final score was 55-21, but that makes it sound closer that it was. Unfortunately Hunter played all 4 quarters of the JV game even though it was lopsided, so when there was an injury to a lineman on the Varsity team during their game on Friday night, he was only able to play one quarter in relief of the injured player. And that injury wasn't the only regrettable thing that happened during Friday night's game. Centennial was hammered by Capital at Bronco Stadium 40-7. I know Hunter probably wouldn't have made enough of a difference to change the outcome of the game, but I think he could have helped make it respectable. It may be a coincidence, but the Statesman reporter who covered the game said Centennial wasn't able to get anything going until their third drive of the night, and that just happened to be when Hunter went in--I'm just saying. I know, I know, Greg always reminds me I am watching him through a mother's eyes, but Coach Pete was hanging out on the sidelines at the beginning of the game and stayed and watched just until Hunter was taken out. Coincidence? I think not. I hope you all know I'm joking, but in that way that you're joking, but you really are convinced what you're joking about is true. Anyway, it was a miserable game for Centennial, but nice for a mother who got to see her son finally play in a varsity game when it still mattered, and not just when his team was already ahead by 30 or more.
No Boise State game this week, as those who follow will already know, so Saturday was open to other pursuits. I got lots of cleaning and laundry done, Kate and Rachel found Halloween costumes, and I got to go to Mary Dahl's fortieth birthday party downtown on Saturday night. That was a pretty cool event. Her friends had arranged for it to be in the basement of this swanky little place called the Red Feather Lounge. We had a couple of private tables in the wine cellar so it was just us and we were able to converse and play games and eat with our intimate little group. Mary deserves a cool party!
Thank goodness I have all these activities to keep me busy so I'm not just thinking of the time ticking ever closer to surgery. Now that I've told Kate that Aunt Heidi is coming to stay for a week during my recovery time, Kate is constantly telling me "only such and such more days 'till Aunt Heidi comes," which in my mind immediately translates to "only such and such more days until I have to wake up at 5 a.m. to be down at the hospital to be prepped for surgery, be put under scary general anesthetic, have body parts I've grown quite attached to removed, wake up and not know where I am, and then have it all come back to me when I start feeling the pain," yes, thanks for reminding me, Kate! But I'm excited about having Heidi come too.
You'll all be happy to know I made it through the entire week without any help with laundry or meals for the first time since the end of February. I didn't think it possible, but I can still plan meals, cook them, and feed them to my family, and I still remember where the detergent goes in the washing machine. Amazing! We're actually able to hold this place together on our own! Believe me when I say doing it myself again this week has made me appreciate all the help I have received even more. It's a lot of work! That's pretty much all I had time to do other than water aerobics and running stuff to my kids at school and taking them to appointments. I forgot how much I used to do.
This week I'd like to thank my mom for assisting me with costumes for Kate and Tadman. Costuming for Halloween is always stressful to me, and doubly so this year, but grandma is making sure everyone ends up just as adorable as always. I'd also like to thank Kathy Palfryman and Sue Iverson for visiting me to assess my needs as I approach surgery, to offer friendship and support, and to Sue for lending me the book club book. Thanks to my sister-in-law, Val, for calling me to see how I am doing. I hope I can actually talk to her soon face-to-face. Thanks to Ron and Grandma Dee for being willing to take Tadman any time, and for offering to take him during my MRI this week and my surgery next week, and since he loves being with them so much, like Kate he can't wait for that surgery day to get here! Thanks to everyone who left comments on my blog since my last post. I am buoyed by your support, your prayers, and all the kind words you leave. Getting a comment on my blog, to me, is just like eating a great piece of chocolate, and since I can't have chocolate right now, I savor those comments! Last but certainly far from least, thanks to my sister Heidi for giving Kate something to look forward to, and for giving me peace of mind about my family and home so I can focus all my attention on dreading surgery. You know I'm kidding, Heidi. I am so glad you are coming and so appreciative you would suggest it.
I have so much to be grateful for, family and friends being at the very top of the list!

Sometimes You Want to Go Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Oh, I'm freezing all the time now. I can't believe how quickly and completely the weather has turned and I'm hoping it will turn back for a few weeks before it's cold for good. I will try to give you a quick update on my final treatment as I shiver at my computer terminal. Brrrr!
After 27 weeks of treatment, a few off weeks because of illness--spanning spring, summer, and into fall--treatments are finally done. For my last treatment day, the first day of this super cool weather, Justine Powell made the sacrifice of getting a substitute for her swimming classes so she could accompany me. My mother-in-law and Ron watched Tadman, and entertained my younger kids who were out of school for state teacher inservice days. Justine has been the best of friends to me from the beginning of diagnosis. She has been the organizer of meals and cleaning, Tadman's swimming teacher, a nutrition consultant, and a shoulder to cry on when I was at my low point after the Adria treatments, so it was fitting that she'd be with me at the conclusion of phase one.
Thursday morning started off like most treatment days. I showered and was out of the house before anyone but Greg and Tadman were up. Justine picked me up and had me there by 8:30, and after checking in we worked on the puzzle as usual while waiting to be called. The kind nurse from last blog, Hope, accessed my port and drew my blood, then Justine and I were almost immediately called back to see Dr. Montgomery. After weight, blood pressure, pulse, and oxygen saturation were recorded, Dr. Montgomery came in the room and dropped a gown on my lap and told me to put it on because he'd be examining me today. When I asked him how the gown worked he said, "I don't know but you better figure it out because you're going to be wearing those all the time for radiation." Then he left and I figured it out by myself. When he came back in and examined me he wasn't satisfied with the exam as a good source of information, so he concluded I should go to the hospital and have a CT scan so we could see the results of the chemo. So quickly arrangements were made for the test at Saint Luke's and I went to the chemo suite to have my port reaccessed with a different kind of needle that could be injected with an iodine contrast solution for the CT scan.
I must express that my absolute least favorite part of cancer treatment has been the diagnostic testing. Never have I felt more alone, more uncertain, and more nervous than I have during these tests. Most of the time it's just me and the technician who's performing the test. Usually the technician is young, healthy, and has never gone through the tests he's putting me through, so it's a very business-like and efficient transaction. The technician has to tell you the side effects of these tests, and the things that could go wrong, but when you ask questions he seems surprised that the fact that people have been known to go into shock because of an allergic reaction to the iodine solution has you a little nervous. Luckily I wasn't allergic to the solution, so other than a weird, warm sensation trickling through my innards, everything went as expected and I was back at Dr. Montgomery's office waiting for results.
Then Dr. Montgomery was back, the results of the day's scan were back, and the original Pet Scan results were pulled up. Dr. Montgomery was able to do "show and tell" which he was excited about--it's so much better than just tell, he said--and I was able to see that through the modern miracle of chemotherapy (YUCK!) the big tumor appeared to be completely gone, and a smaller tumor was reduced in size and much less sharp around the edges. The doctor seemed very pleased with these results, and in celebration forgot to place my chemo orders for my final treatment!
When I finally made it to the chemo suite, I chose one of the cool new beds that sits up like a chair, splurged with mashed potatoes at lunch in spite of the carbohydrates, and waited for treatment while my nurse, Allison tried to get the doctor's orders for chemo. When the orders finally came, I had only a baby sized bag of Taxol to injest, so Justine and I ended up getting out of treatment about the same time as usual even with the CT scan. The nurses and other staff had all signed a kind of graduation certificate for me, I got a few hugs and well wishes, and then Justine and I celebrated the right way with a Boston Shake from Fanci Freeze.
What I didn't expect was how hard this week was going to be for me. I am actually mourning the end of treatments! I have really enjoyed being down there all these weeks, having a friend spend the day with me, and being pampered and treated well by the best nurses anywhere. My mom and sister have been at my house 3 times a week, great meals have been provided, dozens of cards of support were sent by my water aerobics class, and now all of a sudden it's dark and freezing, I've told everyone laundry and meals aren't necessary, the cards have quit coming, and I'm feeling isolated and forlorn. Having Tadman to take care of is saving me from wallowing in self pity and loneliness. And it isn't helping to have surgery looming on the cold and bleak horizon. I know, it's a little crazy to be sad I am done with chemo, but kind of like Norm in the old series "Cheers", sometimes I want to go where everybody knows my name, and they're always glad I came, and there are people there who's troubles are all the same. There's a camraderie in being with other people who have cancer even if they aren't really even friends of mine. Understand?
Since treatment day I've sat through 3 freezing cold football games--all wins for my side, Centennial JV, Varsity, and BSU. I've eaten a few bowls of hot soup, watched 3of 4 sessions of General Conference, and spent extra time with my kids since they had time off of school.
I say thank you to all my friends every time I write in this blog, but I am more appreciative than ever this week. Now that my constant supply of support has been severed for a time, I recognize more than ever how much of a difference you've really made. I've figured out it's not the meals, it's not the laundry that makes so much of a difference. It's knowing that I'm loved, I'm thought of often, and that I matter to a lot of people. Thank you for showing me through your acts of service and kindness that I matter. And if any of you need help during this break between treatment and surgery, you'd be doing me a great favor to ask help of me. I need to get my mind off negative, sad thoughts and instead count all the blessings I have. I sincerely thank you all for countless acts of kindness and look forward to being healthy so I return them many times over to each of you.
From here I have one more test scheduled, an MRI, for a week from Wednesday, and then surgery on October 22 at 7:30. I can't say I'm excited, but with the support and prayers of family and friends it'll all be behind me soon. I'll write again when I get the results of the MRI. Another diagnostic test! Yes!

One More Treatment. Almost Time to Prune the Branches.

I must apologize. My treatments are almost over and my thoughts are off of them and on to surgery, and somehow with the distraction of new thoughts, I forgot to write my blog. Pardon me if you're trying to keep up.
I went to my second to last treatment alone last week. I missed the chance to go with one of my favorite people, Jamie Boyce, because I didn't know she was coming with me and she had forgot that she had signed up to take me. Tadman spent the day in bliss with Grandma Dee and Ron and the RV. He was only disappointed he was just with them for the day and not going camping again!
When I arrived at treatment everyone was shocked that I was companionless. I have done 26 treatments to date, and only twice gone without a friend. Yes, that means I have great friends! Thank you to ALL who have come with me and spent the day at MSTI. When I was getting my port accessed and my blood drawn, I was near tears because of a phone conversation I had had with a local plastic surgeon's staff a few days earlier in the week. The nurse drawing the blood asked why I was upset, and when I told her the details--basically I'd been sent packing by this plastic surgeon's receptionist because I didn't have the right insurance--she told me she'd ask some questions and have more information about that particular doctor before I left at the end of the day. She was, like all the staff at MSTI, very attentive and compassionate and willing to go the extra mile to help.
My doctor's appointment was with Sheryl, one of the nurse practitioners, and she also took lots of time with me and answered a lot of the questions that had been on my mind since my thoughts had turned to surgery. She also looked at my fingernails, which are just now beginning to lift and feel sensitive, and she gave me the good news that my blood sugar was back down. This time it was down from 161 to 137! And I lost 3 more pounds to boot. With only one more treatment to go I think I'm holding up pretty well. I'm getting more aches and pains as the weeks on Taxol add up, but I think I'm going to make it through the last treatment without any further problems of any significance, and then if things go my way and my blood sugar and cholesterol levels go back to where they were before I started treatment, I may end up being healthier overall than I was before I started chemo. That's what I'm working for, anyway.
Now this may not seem very significant to you, but for actual treatment they put me in the new chemo suite. What's the big deal, you ask? Well, until this week they had considered me too "high risk" to be in there, but since I haven't reacted to the Taxol for several weeks, now I'm officially low risk again! And the new room was beautiful. Each chair and bed has a little TV screen attached to it that you can pull right up near you to change channels on or increase the volume. I got a chair (more highly in demand than the beds) that had a sunny window with a view of the street and a cool little TV. Lucky. I had some magazines and a good book as well since I knew I was going to be alone. I even splurged and ate a bagel as a celebration for the extra low blood sugar. It was quiet in the new chemo suite--only 2 nurses work in there--and I even fell asleep for the first time. Then, right as I was finishing up with treatment, here came my lovely little nurse who accessed my port, and as promised she had all kinds of information about plastic surgeons for me. I had to hug her! She had just gone so above and beyond what she had to do. I am already anicipating how much I will miss being with all those great people when treatment is over. They are just the cream of the crop! Just like all of you reading my blog!
Life outside of treatment continues to be busy, busy, busy. Greg and I checked out Centennial and Joplin's open houses this week, went to Hunter's 2 football games, (I worked in the concessions stand during the varsity game), took Kate to dance and piano lessons, and bought chips and condiments for the AAA Booster fundraiser. Kate and Parker and I also found the time to get our teeth cleaned. Rachel found out how hard Calculus is going to be this year by bombing her first test.
Then at the beginning of this week I started my Monday with a visit to my surgeon. She firmed up the plans for an MRI, which I will have three weeks from tomorrow, and surgery, which will be October 22 at 7:30 a.m. She isn't sure if she'll be doing a full mastectomy or a lumpectomy yet, but whatever she decides, or we decide together, the surgery will be that day at that time. After my talks with her and a plastic surgeon's office staff, I have also discovered that any reconstruction I elect to have will be awhile coming. I have to wait 6 to 9 months after concluding radiation treatments before starting reconstruction, so we still have a LONG way to go before news of my health is no longer a topic of conversation.
I've had a hard time sleeping the last few weeks, usually because I have to use the bathroom and then can't get my mind to stay asleep. I'm not sure if this is my mid-life crisis, but everything around me seems so symbolic of entering the fall of my life as I experience the beginning of fall in Boise. I am done having babies now. Tadman will be my last one. My first baby is getting old enough that she'll soon be dropping off the old tree and starting a new life of her own. The sap in me is slowing down a bit and there are a few diseased branches that need to be pruned before they contaminate the rest of the tree. I guess most people don't have such a huge life event to escort them from one phase of life to another, but for the first time in my life I realize I'm starting to get old! Of course it's not necessarily a bad thing, just a change I haven't recognized as significantly before. But fall is my favorite time of year, so there's no reason it can't be my favorite time of life as well!
Thank you for continuing to read my blog even though treatments have been a little redundant. Now there will be lots of new stuff to write, stepping into the unknown experience of mastectomy, radiation, and reconstruction options. I am so grateful for all the little things in my life that bring me happiness everyday--my family, my friends, my house, my bed, good books, exercise. It wouldn't be possible for me to enjoy the simple pleasures of life during cancer treatment without the help of my huge support system. I think about all of you often and keep a prayer of gratitude in my heart at all times. Just one more to go!

While Taddy's Away the Mommy Will Work and Play

Much more significant in my mind than treatment this week was having my little Tadman away from me. Grandma Dee and Ron picked him up last Tuesday morning and took him camping and fishing in Joseph, Oregon for 5 long days. It sure changed the mood and activity level of our house for the week. The good thing was getting more water aerobics in and being able to sit and watch Hunter's football game, but the sad was missing little hugs, kisses, snuggling, and funny little sayings and doings all week, plus the house was very quiet during the days without him. He had a great time, however, and spent all Sunday asking me to drive him over to grandma's house, which I didn't do as he was suffering from diareah. He's much better today, and even though I had to change all his bedding and all my bedding and do several loads of wash yesterday, it's good to have him back!
So on treatment day I went with my attentive neighbor, Laurie Gabrielsen, but didn't have any babysitters since Taddy was in the safe care of his grandma. It was a good week to have him away, because treatment was scheduled for 8 a.m. and it would have been hard to get him up and ready to go that early. It's hard enough when it's just me. Laurie was excited about doing a puzzle (yeah, Laurie!) and we got to start a new one since the last one was all complete. That's the first thing we did after checking in to tell them I was there for my appointment. I got to see Dr. Montgomery for the first time in three weeks, and he was his charming self. We're kind of winding down these treatments with only 2 remaining, so our focus has kind of moved toward surgery planning, reconstruction options, and whether or not we've defeated this cancer with all these treatments. I worry also about my long term health, and if my high glucose and cholesterol counts will recede when my cancer treatments conclude. In the meantime I'm trying to do all I can to eat fewer carbohydrates and get more exercise, but my system seems so messed up at this point that it may take awhile for my body to start reacting as it normally would. For instance this week my glucose was back up to 161 after recovering slightly to 147 last week. I teased Laurie that I ought to just eat chocolate donuts and sodas for the next two weeks and see if I can break 200 before I'm done!
Even though all my labs are crazy, the actual treatments are going much better. For the fourth week in a row I had no adverse reactions to the Taxol. Of course they are still really loading me up with Benadryl, Singulaire, and all kinds of other stuff, and two varieties of steroid (which causes the high blood sugar), and they still have the Taxol drip at a very slow rate, but with all that I was done at 1:30 and home well before my kids, plus, Laurie was nice enough to go to Chili's and get me some fajitas for lunch. Fabulous! We were the envy of everyone in the suite! As I've mentioned before, it's such a treat to spend the day with a friend that I really do look forward to Thursdays.
Other than Taddy's absence and treatment, the week was once again filled with football and new school year events. I had the chance to visit Parker's new school on Tuesday and was very impressed with the teachers and administration. The attitude is totally positive, believing in these students and their ability to succeed. They pretty much guarantee their students will be successful. Patience, kindness, enthusiasm, and small class sizes help them turn kids around. I am so happy Parker is there and think this will be a great opportunity for him to grow. He's already telling me he's a smart kid, and that didn't happen at all last year.
While I was at Parker's Open House, Greg had to be at Rachel's Speech and Debate team parents' meeting. I'm still not sure what he learned there, but hopefully it's stuff Rachel knows. When you have multiple kids in school, it's almost impossible to get to all those introductory meetings!
After early week meetings, football and football events dominated the later part of the week. Hunter played the whole JV game on Thursday, and did so in a dominating manner, I must say. The running backs ran through holes he opened several times, and his team ended up beating Rocky Mountain's 44-6. Our team looked much more impressive than the varsity team the following night. Even with Hunter's back slaps and encouragement for the starters we ended up losing big, and giving Rocky Mountain their first home win ever. The final score--35-17. At times it seemed like we'd make a game of it, and we pulled to within 4 points either late in the third or at the beginning of the fourth, but we fell apart at the end. Both their defensive and offensive lines dominated the line of scrimmage, and whenever that happens there's trouble.
So after the game there was all kinds of drama. Hunter went to a couple of player called meetings on Friday night, one of our offensive star players quit, then rejoined the team, then on Saturday evening it was rumored that he quit again, and then the team watched film and did some community service almost all day Saturday. It will be interesting to see how they respond in their homecoming game this Friday since they really played well in the first 2 games. They're still in good shape for the season if they can respond to this loss by getting better. Because of the Centennial varsity game I missed all but the last quarter of the Boise State game in Fresno. After watching quarter 4 on ESPN I couldn't believe the Bulldogs quarterback lived through the beating he took in the game. I still haven't had the time to watch the whole thing, but the part I did watch was pretty crazy and intense, and much more entertaining than blowing out Miami of Ohio. And looks like the Broncos still have plenty of misstakes happening to keep them humble and striving for improvement. It's just my opinion, but I think the Cougars problem is always thinking they're really good after just a couple of games early in the season. It's always a long season, and all teams usually get a test from someone they think will be a cakewalk, so you can't think you're great at the beginning of the season or you get complacent, and then you end up losing to some team you should have beat. Like Rocky Mountain, for instance!
Saturday was also devoted to the Centennial Patriots. I am serving as the treasurer of the Football Boosters at Centennial, and Saturday was our sixth annual dinner and auction to raise money for the football program. For weeks we've been having meetings, selling raffle tickets, advertising, and planning for this thing. Bart Hendricks, former BSU quarterback, mostly in the Big West days, was our speaker, and then we had both a silent and live auction of donated items the football players had been required to solicit. I am not sure how much money we made yet, but I am glad it's over. And the timing couldn't be better, because now most of the work is done until next season.
I have another busy week of Open Houses and football games coming up, just busy enough to keep me from pondering too much about being at the crossroads of this cancer experience. I will soon know if my cancer has been defeated, or if more treatments are necessary. I will soon have to make big decisions about mastectomy and reconstruction options. I'll have to weigh financial burdens and strain on my family as I decide what is the best course to pursue. I am just glad all of this is happening in the Fall, my favorite time of year for pondering, and enjoying the world around me, and for marking life's changes and if it's going in the direction I want it to. I can't tell you how thankful I am to have my family all still here this year so they can be with me as I make all these discoveries and decisions.
I always like to end by thanking all my friends and family for helping me out each day and each week. For the cleaning, the laundry, the food preparation, the cards, the kindness to my kids, the companionship and all the other things you do for me, thank you. I think the biggest change I have undergone since starting cancer treatment at the beginning of March is appreciating my circle of family and friends, accepting them the way they are, and loving them for their attempts to be the best they can be. Thanks for all you do!

Life Gets Busier, Treatment Seems Littler

So it's been another crazy week since last treatment day. As I said before, all summer I just kind of measured time from one infusion to the next, and now that my kids are back in school there's so much to do and to think about that treatment day has just become the day I can't do a lot of extra stuff.
This week has been marred a little bit by illness. Hunter has suffered the most. He ended up missing part of 2 days and all Friday from school last week, because of stomach flu symptoms. In spite of his illness he was able to play in the JV game on Thursday, which Centennial won. They won ugly, but they won. Mountain View moved the ball on them a lot, but wasn't able to score. The final--13 (all of which Centennial scored in the first quarter) to 6. (Melinda might remember the score slightly differently because I'm not sure if I'm right, but Centennial definitely won). Hunter struggled a bit, I'm sure because he was dehydrated from being sick for several days. The next day the Varsity team also won, but unfortunately Hunter was too sick to go to school at all that day and was unable to be with the team. Greg and I took Taddy and Kate to the game, however, and although it wasn't nearly as enjoyable without Hunter there, it's fun to see Centennial doing so well as a team since they struggled so much last season. Several boys from our own little neighborhood made great plays including Sam Bounds, who lives on our street, Connor Radnovich, who lives next door to Waltons, and Morgan Bradley. I'm having a great time seeing so many kids I know play and perform well in these big games!
Saturday Hunter was fully recovered and able to come with us to the BSU game. He sat in the stands for the first time in several years instead of doing ball boy, as Greg had notified the ball boy boss that Hunter was sick and might not be able to be there. He and Kate sat in the south end zone and got up close and personal with the players while Greg and I sat in our regular mid-field seats. Okay, so the game wasn't exactly a nail-biter, but it was still so much fun. What better way to enjoy the best weather of the year than being outside at a football game for 3 or 4 hours.
Unfortunately as Hunter has recovered from his illness, Rachel has picked up her own. She has more of an upper-respiratory infection she's suffering from, but when you're as busy as she is, you just kind of keep going even when you're sick. While we were at the game her school quartet was playing at an open house. She also has lots of homework already, which is what happens when you take difficult classes.
Now backtracking a little to treatment day, for the most part it was uneventful again. Tammee was able to come with me, always a treat, and Melissa, Chase and Addison entertained Tadman. I've become a real fixture down there now. All the nurses and nurses aids have their little jokes about me and about my reactions of the past. Those aren't happening anymore, however, so they're going to have to come up with some new material. I haven't seen my doctor in person for several weeks. He was at some sort of training when I was there last, but I am getting good care from the nurse practitioners who see me when he's gone. This week I was able to reduce my blood sugar levels by 16 points--in just one week!--and as a side benefit lost 3 and a half more pounds. I've now lost about 29 since I started treatment, but unfortunately don't look healthier and more attractive as a result. I look forward to being done with treatment so I can have some hair again, a little more color in my face, and a little less of the steroid puffiness to my cheeks. I keep wondering how can I have lost 30 pounds and look this much worse than I did before? So I am here to clear up that old argument once and for all, it IS better to feel marvelous than it is to look marvelous, but the best is looking and feeling marvelous! Maybe someday.
The treatment itself, as I said, went reaction-less again. That's three weeks in a row now, so I think the nurses and pharmacists have officially figured out what concoction of drugs works. It still takes a long time since they are cautious about giving the Taxol to me too quickly, but that's just time I can spend with a good friend, talk with all the great people down at MSTI, and have some lunch. What a great excuse I have to just kind of waste a day each week, and how lucky I am that friends are willing to come and waste a day with me.
For all of you who go to treatment with me, who bring meals to me and my family, who clean my house and do my laundry, who watch Tadman, and who pray for all of us, THANK YOU, again and again. We are really doing so well right now because of all the support surrounding us, but unfortunately this journey isn't quite over. As I anticipate surgery and get a little nervous about the implications, especially for my kids, and for the things I won't be able to help them with as I recover, I know it'll all work out because of all the willing helpers we have all around us. I'm trying to find that balance between planning for every eventuality and just enjoying life for today, because I'd rather be able to focus on the subtle changes in the weather, a beautiful sunset (a little earlier each day), or my little Tadman's sweet face.