It's Official--2009 and Cancer Treatment are Over

Here are the kids celebrating the holidays. Kate and Parker really enjoyed "gingerbread" house making in Mrs. Werner's class. Hunter got the chance to be "Pat" the Patriot during a girls' basketball game. Kate danced enthusiastically and was rewarded with 6 pink roses during her Christmas recital for Dance Unlimited. Tadman and Parker enjoyed trying out their new Christmas gifts on Christmas Day. (I hope to someday be less computer challenged and insert pictures throughout my blog instead of all at the beginning!)

For all my blog followers, let the celebration begin. Thursday I said my goodbyes to the radiology techs, to Buck, the radiology greeter/scheduler, to Pat, the head nurse in the chemotherapy suite, to Cecil, the parking lot attendant, and to the treatment that has occupied much of the past eleven months of my life. It was an emotional day for me, filled with both relief and regret, relief that I can be a better wife, mother, and household manager than I have been the past year, and regret that I'm leaving the most significant support system of my life, with the exception of family and very close friends, behind. As I stated last time I wrote, now I have no more excuses for being less than my best self. Now I live in a world of all kinds of people, and not just cancer patients and the people dedicated to making them better. I lose the warmth and security of being in a place where I have something in common with every other person in the room, where you can pick up a warm stocking cap crocheted with love by a person you'll never meet, and where you're treated like royalty to make up for the fact that you're there to be treated for cancer. On the other hand, I liked the feeling of watching Kate perform at the half time of a Centennial JV basketball game a few days ago knowing I was just another healthy, supportive mom in the crowd, not a cancer patient. So life goes forward without regard to whether I'm ready or not. I hope I am...
Most of you know already of the other significant post Christmas celebration in the Nettles family. Hunter, Greg, and I drove down to the Phoenix area on New Year's Day to be at the Fiesta Bowl. It took us 16 hours to drive down, and 16 to drive back, but for that minor inconvenience we were rewarded with glorious weather, a nice room with free cooked-to-order breakfast, and a great football game. Hunter had the once-in-a-lifetime chance to work the sidelines as a Boise State ball boy, and was on the field with the team during the awarding of the MVP and Fiesta Bowl trophies. He got a sweet shirt and hat declaring Boise State Fiesta Bowl champions, and had a great time. Greg and I hope he has a grasp of how cool it all was. We'll save him some newspaper clippings and ticket stubs to show his grand kids. For me it was especially delightful, as it was the first bowl game of the season I had actually watched from kick-off to conclusion, and those of you who know how much I love football will know that I was extremely disappointed to have missed watching so many good games. Unfortunately it made winter break go even faster, and it was hard to get back at 2 a.m. Tuesday night and hit the ground running with school, work, and radiation the very next day.
So although they occurred on January 4 and January 14, the Fiesta Bowl and the end of radiation are officially on my end of 2009, as opposed to beginning of 2010, calendar. It was a long, difficult year, but full of triumphs, one-of-a-kind moments, and life-defining experiences. I am grateful for the growth I have had, and pray that there will be no back-peddling, but that 2009 will serve as a springboard to 2010. I resolve to continue to cherish my family, and each precious moment I get to spend with them. I resolve to give people the benefit of the doubt, and to forgive imperfections and mistakes. I resolve to keep my body as healthy as I can by eating well and moving often. I resolve to be a light to my husband and kids, my extended family, and all those I come in contact with and to spend the majority of my time in the service of others. I resolve to live with joy and try to spread it to all those I come in contact with. I resolve to spend a little of each day counting my blessings and acknowledging their source.
Thank you, friends, for sharing this journey with me, for pulling me up when I was going under, for taking care of my kids, household, and obligations when I was unable to do so, and for enduring to the end of a VERY long treatment schedule. You are all ANGELS in my book and my gratitude will be eternal.

Merry Christmas To Our Families and Friends. We Couldn't Have Made it Through 2009 Without YOU!

I made it! I somehow managed to do the shopping, the trimming, the concerts, the recitals, the wrestling meets, AND the radiation. I am now through with 19 of 30 treatments, all my physical therapy appointments, and all but a few final doctors appointments. It's almost time to face life after cancer without all the extra help and support and without the excuses. I'm not sure what that life's going to be like yet, but I won't worry about that now. January is for looking ahead--December is for reflection upon the year past.
In our family, 2009 will forever be remembered as the year Margi was diagnosed with breast cancer, or more officially, moderately differentiated ductal carcinoma, grade 2-3, estrogen positive, her 2 negative. The diagnosis came on March 3, just days after Hunter celebrated his 15th birthday with friends at Chuck E. Cheese's (Yup, that's right, 15th, Chuck E. Cheese's). The very next day I met with a surgeon and an oncologist, and on March 13 prepared for a long and grueling cancer treatment regimen by having my gall bladder removed and a port placed (the port makes chemotherapy more convenient because it can be accessed easily without having to access a vein for injections and blood draws). Surgery was followed by six months of chemotherapy, a mastectomy of the left breast, and radiation. So except for January and February, my family and I have been doing this all year. Amazingly enough, with the exception of a few awful weeks in early summer when I suffered through pneumonia, life for the Nettles has been pretty much business as usual.
Greg somehow managed to hang on to The Stereo Shoppe in spite of the horrible economic conditions, but he had to do it with fewer employees and six day work weeks. Early in the year he was balancing family, work, my doctor's appointments, and coaching Hunter's AAU basketball team. Looking back on it I'm not sure how he did it, but it was worth it, because he really enjoys coaching. Like lots of other men in their mid 40's, Greg was hoping to be working less at this point in his life, but I know he's very grateful he's still able to support the family, and of course, the medical insurance was invaluable this year!
Perhaps the only family member busier than Greg is Rachel. She added a boyfriend, speech and debate, and jazz band to an already very full plate. Perhaps my diagnosis has been more of a burden to her than to the other kids. She's done more worrying and more babysitting this year than last. She's still playing cello, still an excellent student, and she's in the process of choosing a college for next year. She's been accepted to Willamette and College of Idaho, waiting to hear from University of Puget Sound and Whitworth, and still planning on applying to University of Utah.
Hunter's year started with basketball, moved to spring football, then on to summer football, followed by the actual football season (he played for both JV and varsity teams), and now he's moved on to WRESTLING! We're all getting used to a culture we've never been exposed to before--the world of sweaty singlets, ringworm infested mats, and stat girls. Oh how I miss basketball! But Hunter is learning quickly, getting super fit, and has already won a tournament, so I guess it's worth it. He's a half a merit badge and an Eagle project away from being an Eagle Scout, and when he gets that taken care of he's looking forward to taking driver's training. He remains a delightful kid to spend time with.
As Rachel and Hunter pursue music and athletics, Parker draws, and makes movies, and listens to music and reworks his wardrobe. He's an incredibly creative kid. This year he's attending an alternative middle school, Pathways. It emphasises smaller class sizes and a no failure policy. There are no zeros given, and the teachers expect the students to finish all work, no matter how long it takes. He loved it at first, and is not quite so sure now, but he's plugging away and trying hard to be a good student. He's also taking care of several family pets, including our bunny, Oreo, and our cat, Lucky. We're all mourning the passing of our beloved gecko, a pet Parker'd taken care of for several years.
Like a lot of younger kids in a family, Kate seems to want to try everything. She's taking piano lessons, dancing, and going to achievement days for church every other week. During the past year she's done cheerleading, gymnastics, basketball, and soccer as well. She loves going to Rachel's concerts, Hunter's games, and Parker's doctor's appointments. She's a great big sister to Tadman and plays with him delightfully. She loves friends, school, church, and pretty much everything. My favorite thing about Kate is her enthusiastic anticipation of upcoming events. I get excited right along with her. She's really looking forward to starting violin lessons next year, and playing in the Joplin orchestra.
And we all adore Tadman, who will be turning three January 26th. Tadman loves trucks, cars, diggers, trailers, RVs, ATVs, and everything with wheels. He can be sweet and cuddly (most of the time) or occasionally loud and bossy. We're not sure which of us he is emulating. He brings happiness and joy to everyone in the family. We all delight in the cute things he says, the way he looks, and everything he does. It's been a trying year for little Taddy. He's gone from nursing and being tended by his mom all the time, to being unexpectedly and abruptly weened and spending lots of time with aunts, grandmas, and friends. It's been hard on him, and harder on me! The best thing about being done with treatment will be reestablishing a routine for Tadman.
2009 will not easily be forgotten. We've learned to accept our limitations and with those limitations, lots of help from others. I've learned that much of my life was extracurricular, and I've been able to eliminate a few things. When you're forced to examine your life and what's of the greatest importance, very few things make the cut. Faith, family, love, service are about it.
We couldn't have made it through the year without the prayers and support of our family and friends. Hot meals came for months. My sisters and sisters-in-law, nieces, mom, and mother-in-law did so much to help, including laundry, cleaning, mending, babysitting, shopping, decorating, listening, visiting, checking on kids, and many other acts of service. Cards and notes and phone calls helped. Talking to friends who'd recently undergone cancer treatment was invaluable. And somehow by going through this experience I feel more blessed and fortunate than ever before. How happy I am to be alive, to feel good, to snuggle with my Taddy, or go to dinner and a movie with Rachel, to dance with Kate, watch Hunter make a monster block, or see one of Parker's amazing drawings.
How we appreciate having you as friends and family! If we haven't kept in touch, know it's not because we don't care. We think of you often and send best wishes to you all. Thank you for being a part of our lives and enriching our experience.

There's Much to Be Thankful For!

I can't believe it's been since November 17 since I've blogged! I've been busy celebrating Thanksgiving and counting my blessings--and eating, of course.
I'm not sure if I can even remember all that's happened since the 17th, but I'll try to hit the biggies.
I guess my biggest new thing is radiation. I started on Monday, and so far have lived through 3 treatments. Talking with my doctor and taking the preparatory education class didn't prepare me for the harsh realities of radiation treatments. I guess I must be different from a lot of people, because I've been told over and over that radiation is no big deal, lots better than chemo, etc., but I hate it. Nothing is more isolating and dehumanizing than being laid on a slab of metal, told to lay there like a dead person while two technicians pull you with a sheet until your body is perfectly aligned under a lazer beam, and then left by yourself while the technicians retreat behind a 24-inch-thick door that protects them from the treatment they're giving you. That and the big warning sign in caps that reads, "Danger! High radiation area" have me not loving my new cancer erradicating phase. The good news--I get Christmas and New Year's Days off! Greg says I'm crazy, but give me 6 weeks more chemo any day!
While I'm fighting cancer, family life inevitably goes on. All of us spent a quick but lovely couple of days up in Donnelly with Greg's mom and her husband, Ron, for Thanksgiving. We had great food, a comfortable warm cabin to sleep in, ATV riding, satellite TV for football games, and even a little snow, but not so much that we couldn't drive home. Thanksgiving evening we had a chance to say what we were thankful for, and I mentioned the good health of my kids and husband. What a great blessing that is! Our home teacher, Jesse McOmber, challenged us to write down 100 things we were thankful for, and also pray for ten minutes straight just about our blessings. Cute little Kate came up with 50 things she was grateful for before the rest of us even got a chance. Rachel wrote that she was thankful for the abacus, and other such witticisms, and it ended up that we needed more room. The praying thing wasn't hard for me either. It's easy to fill up 10 minutes with thankyous to Heavenly Father. I appreciate Jesse for giving us the opportunity to recognize all we have!
Our Thanksgiving dinner was flanked by two spaghetti dinners at Centennial. Right before the holiday Rachel's orchestra had a fundraising dinner, and this week Hunter's wrestling team did the same. Greg has had his fill of fundraising opportunities at Centennial. With football, orchestra, and wrestling all raising funds, we'd be money ahead if we just paid outright for the trips and camps we're helping our kids raise money for. Funny how that works, isn't it. The people with the kids in the activities who are already shelling out the cash are also the fundraising pool. Here's another great opportunity to be thankful. Greg still has a job so our kids are still able to hit us up for fundraisers!
Can I just say that even with all my blessings acknowledged and appreciated, life is proving to be a little stressful for me. Christmas season, which I somehow manage to love in spite of rampant commercialism, is a very busy time for me under the best of circumstances. This year I have 27 more radiation treatments thrown into the mix. I hope I can provide a meaningful and happy season for my kids in the midst of it all. My friends are trying to help by coming to decorate my house with me this Friday. I am VERY thankful for friends!
I'm lovin' water aerobics, books, college football, the new basketball season, sweet and fleeting moments with Tadman as I hand him off to grandmas, and prayer right now. Those warm things keep me going back to that cold metal slab. Thanks to my mom for helping get Taddy ready for the YMCA in the mornings and helping me make beds and fold clothes. I'm incredibly far behind. Congratulations to my sister Heather and her daughter Brennan. My sister just became a grandmother for the first time!
Continue to pray for me. Pray that this scary radiation won't fry areas of my body that I'm going to need later. Pray that I'll somehow be able to be the mom my kids need through it all. Pray that my husband won't give up before this trial is over, and pray that after my last treatment is over,my family will get a little reprieve from the growth opportunities available only through trials. Thanks for reading, and enjoy this all too brief Christmas season!

Some Days Hope Is A Pumpkin Waffle

Okay, so I'm comfortable with the writing part of blogging, but I am most uncomfortable with the technical part, so I'd like to have these pictures with each of my kids (courtesy of Becky Phillips) scattered throughout my update, but since I can't figure out how to do that, you'll just have to see them all together in this business-like and non-artistic fashion. I put them in today because I am so happy to still be doing my life's work--raising my kids, and every day I'm a little closer to being back to full strength and back to being as involved in their day-to-day lives as I'd like to be, but I still have a little way to go.
Last Friday while most of them were at school, I went to my first appointment with Dr. Tonya Kuhn, my newest addition to my stable of physicians. She's adorable, petite, personable, and professional. She started out by letting me know about all the long and short term possible side effects of radiation--the short term being fatigue, surface burns, and scarring, and the long term being possible lung problems or contracting another, less treatable kind of cancer. But according to the research that's been conducted on the matter, the insurance against the spread of this cancer outweighs the possibility of these bad side effects, so I signed up for my next round of torture, this time 30 sessions (5 weekly for 6 weeks) of radiation treatments. I have an appointment this Friday to be scanned and marked so the radiation will be in just the right spot, and then if everything goes as planned I will start the radiation the Monday after Thanksgiving and finish up the week after the BCS National Champion has been crowned. I'll have a lot of good football games in the meantime to distract me from the pain and fatigue.
Speaking of football, Hunter's season is now officially, officially over. We've been to the JV banquet, and last night the varsity banquet. He's received praise from his coaches and his varsity letter for football, and has now turned his attention to basketball. He tried out last Friday and has made the Sophomore team, which we're happy about because he'll get more playing time than he would on JV. Now he has to put in a few weeks of practice before we get to enjoy basketball season, which very few people realize is actually my favorite game to watch on the high school level, so that's something else for me to look forward to while I'm being radiated!
While Hunter's been finishing up football, Rachel has been busy applying to colleges and working on all kinds of music. She's been officially accepted and offered money to attend Willamette University in Salem, Oregon. She's currently working on applications to University of Puget Sound in Tacoma, University of Utah, College of Idaho, and a few more to be determined. It's challenging to find the time to get the necessary paperwork done when she has several AP classes and orchestras and quartets to rehearse with. The Boise Philharmonic Youth Orchestra, in which she plays, will have it's first concert of the season this Sunday.
The younger kids get to tag along to the football banquets and concerts. Parker just got a perfect attendance award for the first quarter at Pathways Middle School, Kate is working hard on homework and piano practicing in the evenings, and her hard work is paying off, and Taddy is watching "Cars" 3 or 4 times a day, playing with his truck and trailer and Lightnin' McQueen car, and taking cool side trips with his Grandma Dee and Ron. Just last week they took him up to Donnelly to stay at the cabin a few days and winterize the ATVs. Tadman was delighted with the trip, and it was nice to have a little free time without him, but I cried when he left. Having him to take care of really keeps me going.
Speaking of keeping going, I am pretty pleased to say I made it back to water aerobics yesterday. I am hoping, and needing, to get more mobility back in my left arm before radiation starts and I think water aerobics should help. It was great to be back basking in the healthy glow of my instructor, Tammi, and all the kind people in the class who have sent me cards, flowers, and messages of encouragement since we first met. The hardest part was the stretching at the end, but that was probably of the most value to my old, stiff body. For some reason as I type that kooky song "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor keeps coming to mind, my own personal little cancer anthem.
So as I raise my kids and face impending radiation treatments, here's what I'm thankful for. I'm thankful for personal prayer, because when I'm up late nights, contemplating more treatment, feeling weak and small, thinking I can't do this one more day, I pray, and then I seem to be able to drift off, and when I wake up in the morning things seem much better. I'm thankful for extra blankets, because it's COLD outside. Obviously I'm thankful to be undergoing treatment in the best sports season of the year, when you can watch a good basketball game and a great football game in the same week, and sometimes even on the same day! I'm thankful my husband's somehow making a living with a retail store, and that I have interesting, creative, challenging children to raise. I'm thankful for all the help my mom and sister have given me in the laundry and bed making department. I admit that when they don't come to help many times nothing gets done. And although I've already mentioned him, I'm thankful to have Tadman with me each day, because in his eyes I haven't changed at all. I'm just Mommy.
And thanks to Becky for arranging and cooking a SWEET little visiting teaching brunch this morning. What a nice breakfast with friends! When life is hard, pumpkin waffles somehow make everything a little bit better.

Yankin' Drains, Parent Teacher Conferences, Eighteenth Birthdays, and Other Pains

I've taken one step closer to independence this morning. My sister, Heather, who has been coming to my house every school morning for the last few weeks to get Kate off to school, lift and dress Tadman, make beds, and do laundry, is coming no more. We're seeing if I can do this thing on my own again. It will be significantly easier now that both of my JP drains have been removed (or should I say YANKED OUT!) and now I just have little festering wounds on my side, and even those will soon be gone. The only remaining physical ailment caused by the mastectomy is the numb, dead feeling on my left side, and that will be with me for a long time, if not forever.
On a lighter note, please take a moment to look at my little running back son, Hunter, at his last JV game. I wrote all about it in my last blog, but now you have the visual to go along with the description of the wondrous event. Even through chemo treatments and surgeries, going to Hunter's football games this season was a highlight of my life. It's hard to feel old and sick when you're around all that youthful enthusiasm. I very much look forward to next season when I anticipate him being a full time varsity player--and a dominant force on the offensive line!
As Hunter anticipates moving on to basketball season, I am anticipatin radiation treatments. I have my first appointment with the radiologist this Friday, and she will get me marked up and scheduled and ready to roll on radiation. Cancer treatment is definitely a marathon and not a sprint. Actually it's like a marathon over hilly terrain. Some parts have felt like going straight up mountains, and other parts like the downhill side. I am still missing my time in the chemo suite and feel a pang of lonliness when I drive past MSTI to see Dr. Livingston, but maybe eventually that feeling will fade. I've never been a cancer patient before, so I don't know if you ever stop feeling like a patient and start feeling like just a regular person again.
In the midst of having drains pulled I was attending parent/teacher conferences and celebrating Rachel's 18th birthday this week. Although the kids are doing very well in school for the most part (and Parker MUCH better than last year!) it was hard to hear from Kate's teacher that she sees sadness in Kate sometimes, and especially in the weeks leading up to my surgery. It's hard to see my family suffer because of me, or what I'm going through. The girls and Greg feel it the most, and are struggling in their lives as a result. That part is much worse than any physical pain or exhaustion I might feel.
Rachel celebrated turning 18 with a family game night and Thai food, and with a separate party at The Stereo Shoppe with friends. I stressed a lot about the friend party, because with Rachel's busy schedule she wasn't able to fill me in on many details until the last minute, but we bought some great desserts, some white roses, a few cute plates and napkins, and rented a couple of movies, and I'm not sure if she loved her party, but at least the food display looked great! Rachel's been a pure joy to me for the last eighteen plus years. If she ever gets to the point where she sees herself the way I see her, as a kind, clever, intelligent, talented, stunning, near perfect young woman, she will make a great impact on the world when she leaves our home late next summer. I only hope she never forgets how much she has to offer.
Well, I will go now so I can attempt some laundry and bed making. I know I will not be able to do it as well as Heather has done these past few weeks, but maybe the attempt will help me begin to feel I have something to contribute again.

My Prescription? Football, Cute Costumed Kids, and Sisters!

So much has happened in the week and few days since the big surgery. It's hard to believe one can have a mastectomy and still have so much life to live while the healing process is underway, but when you're a mom, that's just the way you roll.
Since surgery Hunter's football season has come to a close in a most dramatic fashion. His JV team won what was essentially the district championship by beating Borah in the snow BEFORE HALLOWEEN EVEN on Thursday night. Hunter bugged his coach enough that on the final drive of the game Hunter was allowed to line up as running back after borrowing a jersey so he'd have a legal number to play running back. He ended up gaining 6 yards, and then Centennial's quarterback took a knee just feet away from the end zone to run out the clock. Hey, it would have been great if he'd scored a touchdown, but I'm sure he's happy with a season in which he and his team won 9 games, he recorded his first official tackle while playing defensive line, and gained 6 yards rushing as running back. What a great season!
The very next night he got a chance to be with the Varsity team as they faced Eagle in the district playoffs for their chance to advance to the state tournament. I must admit I didn't give Centennial much of a chance after the way they played the week before at Meridian, but they really played well, and ALMOST won. Unfortunately, Eagle scored late and Centennial was unable to answer, although they came close. The kids on the team, especially the seniors, seemed very sad to be eliminated, but for Hunter, I think he was a little bit happy to have the season over. He is excited, however, for a chance to be a real contributor on next year's varsity team. He got a little taste this year, but next year, it's on! Centennial's definitely due for a state championship.
Right before Hunter's JV game on Thursday, my sister-in-law, Val, picked me up to take Taddy and I to the Joplin Elementary Halloween parade and party. That's was a great place for healing to take place, watching hundreds of adorable fresh-faced kids excitedly don costumes for their chance to show their stuff. I love the kids who really get into character and make those costumes come alive. Unfortunately Tadman refused to put his bat costume on, so Kate had to roam the halls without him. We never did get that costume on Tadman, but he was pretty cute as himself!
Halloween day was a great occassion for rebuilding strength and stamina. I woke up to a little College Game Day, as is my usual practice on Saturday mornings, and then spent a little extra time getting ready for the BSU/San Jose State game. It's not that I was putting on a special costume or anything--I just need a little extra time to empty my drains and put my clothes on. I'm still a little tender on that left side, and it's still hard to get shirts on and off, and I need extras when I'm going to be out in the cold for 3 and a half hours. As always, I really enjoyed the game. I was, however, as shadow of my regular self in the cheering department. No vigorous clapping and screaming at this game. How lucky are we to get to watch the seventh ranked team in all of college football? I feel lucky!
After the game it was time to focus on the kids and their enjoyment of Halloween (and of course watch Oregon and USC play on TV!). When we got home Parker and Kate were already out trick-or-treating with friends. We got to watch Rachel and her friend, John, become Sweeny Todd and the meat pie lady. It took them several hours to get the finishing touches just right!
With Halloween in the rear view mirror, I spent the day yesterday at doctor's appointments. Dr. Montgomery seemed very pleased with the findings of the pathology report from my surgery. He liked my "margins" so much, and the only one node showing any sign of cancer, that he actually applauded. I think that's good. While at MSTI I got to see my old friends in the chemo suite as I had a blood test and had my port flushed (every month or 2,000 miles, whichever comes first).
At Dr. Livingston's my incision was examined and admired and it was determined that 1of the 2 drains could be removed. I was promised a pain-free experience by Dr. Livingston, and although it was PAINFUL, it is a thrill to get a drain out. Oh, happy day when drain number 2 comes out too, hopefully at the end of the week.
As I was at the doctor (my indispensible sister, Heather, drove me to these appointments and entertained Tadman for hours while I talked to doctors) angels from church were at my house scrubbing toilets and mopping floors. Julia Hansen even hung pictures! All these kindnesses most certainly contributed to healing!
The prognosis seems very positive at this point. Next week I meet my new Radiologist to set up the schedule for those treatments, and the blood test I had yesterday will help Dr. Montgomery decide which medicine he wants to give me for the next five years to further ensure there will be no recurrence of cancer. In the not too distant future I will be able to have my body rebuilt to match the youthfulness I feel inside if I so choose, and then all this will be in the rear view mirror for me. I can do this, I think.
I don't think I'd be saying that as enthusiastically without the unfailing support of sisters--my sisters and sisters-in-law, my daughters, and the sisters of my church and neighborhood. Especially since the mastectomy, I have had so much help with meals and household work and changing diapers that I have been able to focus all my energy on getting better, and as I result, I am getting better, and quickly at that! Oh how sincerely I say THANK YOU to all my sisters. With you by my side, and the continued blessings of my Father in Heaven, I can do this. I know I can.

"Radical" is Right!

Hello to all my blog following friends. I am still alive, but at this point, just barely. I had a radical mastectomy at St. Luke's Hospital last Thursday, and now that I've had it, I understand why they call it "radical". They certainly take a lot of tissue that has always been part of your body, and it's a little hard to get used to the new view in the mirror. That, and the fact that the radical mastectomy is not the end of cancer treatment, is more than a little discouraging, but as has been the case throughout this life experience, this strange journey, there is always a lot to be grateful for.
Greg and I had to be at the hospital at 6 a.m. for the prep for this procedure. My sister-in-law, Val, was patiently waiting when we arrived 10 minutes late, and she was a great support and good resource of information throughout the day. After a little paperwork Greg, Val, and I were taken to the surgery waiting room. They got to stay, but I had to be prepped for surgery. I tried to convince them that Val was Margi Nettles, but it didn't work. So I got weighed, undressed, gowned, fitted in the tight stockings that prevent blood clots, had my blood drawn, had a IV started, talked with the anesthesiologist, and then lost all consciousness or recall for several hours, until a man with crazy, curly red hair was trying to rouse me from my deep sleep. According to Greg it took him an hour and a half before I was roused enough to be transferred to my hospital room. Greg and Val were still there, and then when Greg had to leave my brother Jared came and I had a very pleasant afternoon talking with Jared and Val about all kinds of subjects, mainly my kids and their kids, whom we seem to talk about a lot. I felt pretty darn good right out of surgery. I had one dose of morphine, but from there I lasted the whole day and didn't take anything else for pain until I was going to sleep that night, at which time I took one Norco tablet. There isn't a lot of physical pain associated with a mastectomy, but there is a lot of numbness and nerve damage done, and of course it's quite hard to see yourself when those bandages are removed and you realize how much of your body is no longer there. But I was able to recover from the surgery quickly. I had a clear head right away, and that whole day spent with Jared and Val, my mom and sister, Heather, and Greg and Rachel was a very pleasant day.
It's hard to get a good night's sleep at the hospital, of course, because the nurses are wide awake when they come to check your vitals, and they think you ought to be wide awake too, so at about 12:30 I was roused out of a sound sleep to find out my temperature, blood pressure, and oxygen saturation was normal, and then I was allowed to sleep again until about 5 a.m. when I had to get help unhooking from all the machines so I could go to the bathroom. That whole first day and into the morning of the next I had cuffs on my legs that would periodically tighten to keep the blood flow going in my legs. I was also on oxygen and my IV was still in place, so all that stuff had to be detached or be wheeled to the bathroom with me every time I had to go. That was probably the most unpleasant part of my hospital stay.
Early Friday morning my surgeon, Dr. Livingston, came and checked on me and took the ace bandages that were wrapped around my chest off. Surprisingly she said I could take a shower whenever I wanted and go home whenever I was ready. The surgery went well, or how she had anticipated it would go, and she just reminded me to make little use of my left arm until after I had seen her in two weeks. The final report on the tissue she removed won't be available for about a week. Of course the best would be if that tissue was completely cancer free, but Greg says it will also be good news if there is no new cancer growth since the original diagnosis. We're all hoping the pathology report brings the best possible news.
My sister Heather did me the favor of driving me home on Friday, and of taking me to get a mastectomy camisole that has little pockets in place for the 2 bags I came home with that catch the fluid that drains from the wounds in my chest and under my arm where the lymph nodes were removed. The drains stay in until the fluid slows down, so a couple of weeks at least. The mastectomy vest also comes with a breast form, but I need a little help making it match my remaining breast. Right now it's considerably larger. I'm sure with a little tweaking it will do its job.
I was lucky enough to make it home in time to see Hunter leaving the house for his game that night, and also fortunate enough to be at his game. Even though he ended up not playing much and his team lost in overtime, it felt great to have some normalcy restored right away, and the cool air felt refreshing after spending a day and a half in a hospital room.
Since then I've been able to get out and do a few things. I was able to attend Kate's piano recital on Saturday and go out to dinner with my sister Heidi and her daughter, Leah, and my two girls afterward. On Sunday night I was well enough to come downstairs to eat dinner with my family, and because I was already up I was able to greet some visitors who came by to check on me. Thank you to my visitors and to people bringing flowers and goodies. Thank you to my friend Sarah for the beautiful scarf that's just perfect for fall weather. Thank you to my water aerobics instructor, Tami, and to my whole water aerobics sisterhood for the huge bouquet and the cards of support. I love visitors!
Okay, now to list some of the things I have to be grateful for. I am grateful my sister Heidi spent the money and took the time to spend a week taking care of my family. The kids have made all their appointments, they've been well fed, Tadman's been cuddled and read to, and Kate's had the right things signed and returned to school. I'm grateful for Dee and Ron who made sure Tadman was cared for and entertained the entire time I was at the hospital, and then picked him up on Saturday to take him apple picking. He's been very happy, content, and well taken care of between the three of them. I am grateful that the view out my window was so spectacular and beautiful while I was in the hospital, and I could see the part of Boise where I grew up while I was there. I am thankful for the fall and for the beautiful scenery it provides and for football season that comes with it, because football just makes me happy. I am thankful that I had a skilled doctor to do my surgery, a clean, comfortable place to recuperate, and especially for medical insurance so my family isn't paying for this for the rest of our lives. I am thankful for my brothers and sisters who have really been here for me, come to see me, and called me, and for my mom who has suffered this surgery before me and moved on so well and bravely. What a great example she is! I'm especially grateful to have a husband and children to come home to, and to motivate me to make a speedy recovery so I can start being the caregiver instead of the care receiver again. This victim, sick person thing does not come naturally to me and it sure doesn't feel good. I like being strong, independent, and productive. Will I ever be that way again?
There's the update! Next up are check-ups with Drs. Livingston and Montgomery, then next will be radiation treatments for 6 weeks. I am a little shocked that there's more cancer treatment ahead. Certainly chemo and mastectomy seem like they ought to do the trick! I look forward to seeing Dr. Montgomery again so I can playfully banter with him about the "treatment" I've received. So onward and upward I suppose...