One More Treatment. Almost Time to Prune the Branches.

I must apologize. My treatments are almost over and my thoughts are off of them and on to surgery, and somehow with the distraction of new thoughts, I forgot to write my blog. Pardon me if you're trying to keep up.
I went to my second to last treatment alone last week. I missed the chance to go with one of my favorite people, Jamie Boyce, because I didn't know she was coming with me and she had forgot that she had signed up to take me. Tadman spent the day in bliss with Grandma Dee and Ron and the RV. He was only disappointed he was just with them for the day and not going camping again!
When I arrived at treatment everyone was shocked that I was companionless. I have done 26 treatments to date, and only twice gone without a friend. Yes, that means I have great friends! Thank you to ALL who have come with me and spent the day at MSTI. When I was getting my port accessed and my blood drawn, I was near tears because of a phone conversation I had had with a local plastic surgeon's staff a few days earlier in the week. The nurse drawing the blood asked why I was upset, and when I told her the details--basically I'd been sent packing by this plastic surgeon's receptionist because I didn't have the right insurance--she told me she'd ask some questions and have more information about that particular doctor before I left at the end of the day. She was, like all the staff at MSTI, very attentive and compassionate and willing to go the extra mile to help.
My doctor's appointment was with Sheryl, one of the nurse practitioners, and she also took lots of time with me and answered a lot of the questions that had been on my mind since my thoughts had turned to surgery. She also looked at my fingernails, which are just now beginning to lift and feel sensitive, and she gave me the good news that my blood sugar was back down. This time it was down from 161 to 137! And I lost 3 more pounds to boot. With only one more treatment to go I think I'm holding up pretty well. I'm getting more aches and pains as the weeks on Taxol add up, but I think I'm going to make it through the last treatment without any further problems of any significance, and then if things go my way and my blood sugar and cholesterol levels go back to where they were before I started treatment, I may end up being healthier overall than I was before I started chemo. That's what I'm working for, anyway.
Now this may not seem very significant to you, but for actual treatment they put me in the new chemo suite. What's the big deal, you ask? Well, until this week they had considered me too "high risk" to be in there, but since I haven't reacted to the Taxol for several weeks, now I'm officially low risk again! And the new room was beautiful. Each chair and bed has a little TV screen attached to it that you can pull right up near you to change channels on or increase the volume. I got a chair (more highly in demand than the beds) that had a sunny window with a view of the street and a cool little TV. Lucky. I had some magazines and a good book as well since I knew I was going to be alone. I even splurged and ate a bagel as a celebration for the extra low blood sugar. It was quiet in the new chemo suite--only 2 nurses work in there--and I even fell asleep for the first time. Then, right as I was finishing up with treatment, here came my lovely little nurse who accessed my port, and as promised she had all kinds of information about plastic surgeons for me. I had to hug her! She had just gone so above and beyond what she had to do. I am already anicipating how much I will miss being with all those great people when treatment is over. They are just the cream of the crop! Just like all of you reading my blog!
Life outside of treatment continues to be busy, busy, busy. Greg and I checked out Centennial and Joplin's open houses this week, went to Hunter's 2 football games, (I worked in the concessions stand during the varsity game), took Kate to dance and piano lessons, and bought chips and condiments for the AAA Booster fundraiser. Kate and Parker and I also found the time to get our teeth cleaned. Rachel found out how hard Calculus is going to be this year by bombing her first test.
Then at the beginning of this week I started my Monday with a visit to my surgeon. She firmed up the plans for an MRI, which I will have three weeks from tomorrow, and surgery, which will be October 22 at 7:30 a.m. She isn't sure if she'll be doing a full mastectomy or a lumpectomy yet, but whatever she decides, or we decide together, the surgery will be that day at that time. After my talks with her and a plastic surgeon's office staff, I have also discovered that any reconstruction I elect to have will be awhile coming. I have to wait 6 to 9 months after concluding radiation treatments before starting reconstruction, so we still have a LONG way to go before news of my health is no longer a topic of conversation.
I've had a hard time sleeping the last few weeks, usually because I have to use the bathroom and then can't get my mind to stay asleep. I'm not sure if this is my mid-life crisis, but everything around me seems so symbolic of entering the fall of my life as I experience the beginning of fall in Boise. I am done having babies now. Tadman will be my last one. My first baby is getting old enough that she'll soon be dropping off the old tree and starting a new life of her own. The sap in me is slowing down a bit and there are a few diseased branches that need to be pruned before they contaminate the rest of the tree. I guess most people don't have such a huge life event to escort them from one phase of life to another, but for the first time in my life I realize I'm starting to get old! Of course it's not necessarily a bad thing, just a change I haven't recognized as significantly before. But fall is my favorite time of year, so there's no reason it can't be my favorite time of life as well!
Thank you for continuing to read my blog even though treatments have been a little redundant. Now there will be lots of new stuff to write, stepping into the unknown experience of mastectomy, radiation, and reconstruction options. I am so grateful for all the little things in my life that bring me happiness everyday--my family, my friends, my house, my bed, good books, exercise. It wouldn't be possible for me to enjoy the simple pleasures of life during cancer treatment without the help of my huge support system. I think about all of you often and keep a prayer of gratitude in my heart at all times. Just one more to go!

While Taddy's Away the Mommy Will Work and Play

Much more significant in my mind than treatment this week was having my little Tadman away from me. Grandma Dee and Ron picked him up last Tuesday morning and took him camping and fishing in Joseph, Oregon for 5 long days. It sure changed the mood and activity level of our house for the week. The good thing was getting more water aerobics in and being able to sit and watch Hunter's football game, but the sad was missing little hugs, kisses, snuggling, and funny little sayings and doings all week, plus the house was very quiet during the days without him. He had a great time, however, and spent all Sunday asking me to drive him over to grandma's house, which I didn't do as he was suffering from diareah. He's much better today, and even though I had to change all his bedding and all my bedding and do several loads of wash yesterday, it's good to have him back!
So on treatment day I went with my attentive neighbor, Laurie Gabrielsen, but didn't have any babysitters since Taddy was in the safe care of his grandma. It was a good week to have him away, because treatment was scheduled for 8 a.m. and it would have been hard to get him up and ready to go that early. It's hard enough when it's just me. Laurie was excited about doing a puzzle (yeah, Laurie!) and we got to start a new one since the last one was all complete. That's the first thing we did after checking in to tell them I was there for my appointment. I got to see Dr. Montgomery for the first time in three weeks, and he was his charming self. We're kind of winding down these treatments with only 2 remaining, so our focus has kind of moved toward surgery planning, reconstruction options, and whether or not we've defeated this cancer with all these treatments. I worry also about my long term health, and if my high glucose and cholesterol counts will recede when my cancer treatments conclude. In the meantime I'm trying to do all I can to eat fewer carbohydrates and get more exercise, but my system seems so messed up at this point that it may take awhile for my body to start reacting as it normally would. For instance this week my glucose was back up to 161 after recovering slightly to 147 last week. I teased Laurie that I ought to just eat chocolate donuts and sodas for the next two weeks and see if I can break 200 before I'm done!
Even though all my labs are crazy, the actual treatments are going much better. For the fourth week in a row I had no adverse reactions to the Taxol. Of course they are still really loading me up with Benadryl, Singulaire, and all kinds of other stuff, and two varieties of steroid (which causes the high blood sugar), and they still have the Taxol drip at a very slow rate, but with all that I was done at 1:30 and home well before my kids, plus, Laurie was nice enough to go to Chili's and get me some fajitas for lunch. Fabulous! We were the envy of everyone in the suite! As I've mentioned before, it's such a treat to spend the day with a friend that I really do look forward to Thursdays.
Other than Taddy's absence and treatment, the week was once again filled with football and new school year events. I had the chance to visit Parker's new school on Tuesday and was very impressed with the teachers and administration. The attitude is totally positive, believing in these students and their ability to succeed. They pretty much guarantee their students will be successful. Patience, kindness, enthusiasm, and small class sizes help them turn kids around. I am so happy Parker is there and think this will be a great opportunity for him to grow. He's already telling me he's a smart kid, and that didn't happen at all last year.
While I was at Parker's Open House, Greg had to be at Rachel's Speech and Debate team parents' meeting. I'm still not sure what he learned there, but hopefully it's stuff Rachel knows. When you have multiple kids in school, it's almost impossible to get to all those introductory meetings!
After early week meetings, football and football events dominated the later part of the week. Hunter played the whole JV game on Thursday, and did so in a dominating manner, I must say. The running backs ran through holes he opened several times, and his team ended up beating Rocky Mountain's 44-6. Our team looked much more impressive than the varsity team the following night. Even with Hunter's back slaps and encouragement for the starters we ended up losing big, and giving Rocky Mountain their first home win ever. The final score--35-17. At times it seemed like we'd make a game of it, and we pulled to within 4 points either late in the third or at the beginning of the fourth, but we fell apart at the end. Both their defensive and offensive lines dominated the line of scrimmage, and whenever that happens there's trouble.
So after the game there was all kinds of drama. Hunter went to a couple of player called meetings on Friday night, one of our offensive star players quit, then rejoined the team, then on Saturday evening it was rumored that he quit again, and then the team watched film and did some community service almost all day Saturday. It will be interesting to see how they respond in their homecoming game this Friday since they really played well in the first 2 games. They're still in good shape for the season if they can respond to this loss by getting better. Because of the Centennial varsity game I missed all but the last quarter of the Boise State game in Fresno. After watching quarter 4 on ESPN I couldn't believe the Bulldogs quarterback lived through the beating he took in the game. I still haven't had the time to watch the whole thing, but the part I did watch was pretty crazy and intense, and much more entertaining than blowing out Miami of Ohio. And looks like the Broncos still have plenty of misstakes happening to keep them humble and striving for improvement. It's just my opinion, but I think the Cougars problem is always thinking they're really good after just a couple of games early in the season. It's always a long season, and all teams usually get a test from someone they think will be a cakewalk, so you can't think you're great at the beginning of the season or you get complacent, and then you end up losing to some team you should have beat. Like Rocky Mountain, for instance!
Saturday was also devoted to the Centennial Patriots. I am serving as the treasurer of the Football Boosters at Centennial, and Saturday was our sixth annual dinner and auction to raise money for the football program. For weeks we've been having meetings, selling raffle tickets, advertising, and planning for this thing. Bart Hendricks, former BSU quarterback, mostly in the Big West days, was our speaker, and then we had both a silent and live auction of donated items the football players had been required to solicit. I am not sure how much money we made yet, but I am glad it's over. And the timing couldn't be better, because now most of the work is done until next season.
I have another busy week of Open Houses and football games coming up, just busy enough to keep me from pondering too much about being at the crossroads of this cancer experience. I will soon know if my cancer has been defeated, or if more treatments are necessary. I will soon have to make big decisions about mastectomy and reconstruction options. I'll have to weigh financial burdens and strain on my family as I decide what is the best course to pursue. I am just glad all of this is happening in the Fall, my favorite time of year for pondering, and enjoying the world around me, and for marking life's changes and if it's going in the direction I want it to. I can't tell you how thankful I am to have my family all still here this year so they can be with me as I make all these discoveries and decisions.
I always like to end by thanking all my friends and family for helping me out each day and each week. For the cleaning, the laundry, the food preparation, the cards, the kindness to my kids, the companionship and all the other things you do for me, thank you. I think the biggest change I have undergone since starting cancer treatment at the beginning of March is appreciating my circle of family and friends, accepting them the way they are, and loving them for their attempts to be the best they can be. Thanks for all you do!

Life Gets Busier, Treatment Seems Littler

So it's been another crazy week since last treatment day. As I said before, all summer I just kind of measured time from one infusion to the next, and now that my kids are back in school there's so much to do and to think about that treatment day has just become the day I can't do a lot of extra stuff.
This week has been marred a little bit by illness. Hunter has suffered the most. He ended up missing part of 2 days and all Friday from school last week, because of stomach flu symptoms. In spite of his illness he was able to play in the JV game on Thursday, which Centennial won. They won ugly, but they won. Mountain View moved the ball on them a lot, but wasn't able to score. The final--13 (all of which Centennial scored in the first quarter) to 6. (Melinda might remember the score slightly differently because I'm not sure if I'm right, but Centennial definitely won). Hunter struggled a bit, I'm sure because he was dehydrated from being sick for several days. The next day the Varsity team also won, but unfortunately Hunter was too sick to go to school at all that day and was unable to be with the team. Greg and I took Taddy and Kate to the game, however, and although it wasn't nearly as enjoyable without Hunter there, it's fun to see Centennial doing so well as a team since they struggled so much last season. Several boys from our own little neighborhood made great plays including Sam Bounds, who lives on our street, Connor Radnovich, who lives next door to Waltons, and Morgan Bradley. I'm having a great time seeing so many kids I know play and perform well in these big games!
Saturday Hunter was fully recovered and able to come with us to the BSU game. He sat in the stands for the first time in several years instead of doing ball boy, as Greg had notified the ball boy boss that Hunter was sick and might not be able to be there. He and Kate sat in the south end zone and got up close and personal with the players while Greg and I sat in our regular mid-field seats. Okay, so the game wasn't exactly a nail-biter, but it was still so much fun. What better way to enjoy the best weather of the year than being outside at a football game for 3 or 4 hours.
Unfortunately as Hunter has recovered from his illness, Rachel has picked up her own. She has more of an upper-respiratory infection she's suffering from, but when you're as busy as she is, you just kind of keep going even when you're sick. While we were at the game her school quartet was playing at an open house. She also has lots of homework already, which is what happens when you take difficult classes.
Now backtracking a little to treatment day, for the most part it was uneventful again. Tammee was able to come with me, always a treat, and Melissa, Chase and Addison entertained Tadman. I've become a real fixture down there now. All the nurses and nurses aids have their little jokes about me and about my reactions of the past. Those aren't happening anymore, however, so they're going to have to come up with some new material. I haven't seen my doctor in person for several weeks. He was at some sort of training when I was there last, but I am getting good care from the nurse practitioners who see me when he's gone. This week I was able to reduce my blood sugar levels by 16 points--in just one week!--and as a side benefit lost 3 and a half more pounds. I've now lost about 29 since I started treatment, but unfortunately don't look healthier and more attractive as a result. I look forward to being done with treatment so I can have some hair again, a little more color in my face, and a little less of the steroid puffiness to my cheeks. I keep wondering how can I have lost 30 pounds and look this much worse than I did before? So I am here to clear up that old argument once and for all, it IS better to feel marvelous than it is to look marvelous, but the best is looking and feeling marvelous! Maybe someday.
The treatment itself, as I said, went reaction-less again. That's three weeks in a row now, so I think the nurses and pharmacists have officially figured out what concoction of drugs works. It still takes a long time since they are cautious about giving the Taxol to me too quickly, but that's just time I can spend with a good friend, talk with all the great people down at MSTI, and have some lunch. What a great excuse I have to just kind of waste a day each week, and how lucky I am that friends are willing to come and waste a day with me.
For all of you who go to treatment with me, who bring meals to me and my family, who clean my house and do my laundry, who watch Tadman, and who pray for all of us, THANK YOU, again and again. We are really doing so well right now because of all the support surrounding us, but unfortunately this journey isn't quite over. As I anticipate surgery and get a little nervous about the implications, especially for my kids, and for the things I won't be able to help them with as I recover, I know it'll all work out because of all the willing helpers we have all around us. I'm trying to find that balance between planning for every eventuality and just enjoying life for today, because I'd rather be able to focus on the subtle changes in the weather, a beautiful sunset (a little earlier each day), or my little Tadman's sweet face.

Football, Football, Football, and an Important Day for Kate

Oh man I've been busy the last few days with school and football season starting and Kate getting baptized. Treatment starts to take a back door to all the other stuff when there is so much going on. But I'll start by telling you about treatment.
I was excited to have Melinda Sant go with me this week. Myrna Johns had signed up, but she was sick with food poisoning or the stomach flu and Melinda was nice enough to step in and volunteer to go in her place. Thanks to the Osiers and Misty for watching Tadman (Kate was at school that day) and to Melissa for watching Luke Sant at the last minute for Melinda.
Going to treatment was extra fun this week because of the big game on tap later that evening--BSU vs. Oregon at Bronco Stadium--and there was an extra buzz and excitement at MSTI because of it. Several of the patients were in their BSU gear, and 2 of the nurses were wearing their Bronco colors. People seemed a little happier and chattier than on a regular day.
After getting my port accessed and blood drawn I was called back to see one of the nurse practitioners. She had bad news for me, or the start of bad news anyway. As part of treatment I have been taking a steroid every week to help me get through treatment and recover more quickly from it. Since I've been doing the Taxol treatments they have increased the dosage and given me extra in pill form that I take 12 hours prior to coming in for treatment. I found out on Thursday that the steroid I've been taking has caused my blood sugar to gradually rise over the course of treatment, and while it was in the close to normal range 5 weeks ago (60 to 90 are the normal range numbers), it has now climbed to 160. ARGH! No one in my family has ever had diabetes, I've never had any problems prior to treatment, even during pregnancies, and now I have a new thing to worry about. For the time being they aren't going to treat me for the high blood sugar, but asked me to watch what I eat and try to increase my exercise. I'm pretty mad about it, not that being mad will make any difference, but I hope to be healthy again someday, and not permanently altered by cancer treatment. For those of you praying for me, if you wouldn't mind offering a prayer that I can be healthy and whole again, and that my body will recover once all the drugs leave my system, that is a blessing I hope for and would welcome! The only other symptom I'm suffering from now is called neuropathy, and Taxol causes it. Neuropathy is the loss of sensation in fingers, toes and feet due to nerve damage. I am experiencing it now, mostly in my toes, but also in my fingers and my face a little bit. So far it's not painful, but for some when it gets bad it can make it difficult to walk. I have started taking glutamine powder, an amino acid that body builders take to help muscles recover after hard workouts, at the suggestion of the nurse practitioner. It sometimes helps reawaken those nerve endings. My thought is, with all these steroids and the glutamine powder, why don't I have buns and abs of steel? What's up with that?
The good news for the week was that with Melinda by my side and helpful pharmacists nearby, I got through another round of Taxol without an allergic reaction. That's 2 weeks in a row! My mind has now moved on to worrying about surgery since the chemo treatments seem to be under control. I will meet with my surgeon on September 28 and we'll discuss the options available to me and the implications of those options, and then tentatively I'll have surgery on October 22.
Even though these treatments have been forced upon me, I am going to miss them when I finish up next month. I love the opportunity to spend several hours with my companions talking and bonding. I have gotten to know so many friends better since I started, and that's been a great thing. Also, I just love the nurses and volunteers that work in the chemo suite at MSTI. They are dedicated, smart, kind, and resourceful. They are cheerful, and friendly, and helpful, and patient. The volunteers make sure I'm comfortable and offer food and drinks and warm blankets. I hope to sometime have the opportunity to give some of that good care and attention back.
Now for the non-treatment news. The football season, which is always warmly welcomed at my house, started in full force this past week. Hunter had a game at Centennial on Tuesday, played again at Eagle on Wednesday (his team prevailed with a last few seconds field goal), and then came the big Boise State game everyone had been talking about for weeks. They say that college football is now as pro football once was, so I think it follows that high school football is as college football once was. What I'm trying to say is, I just love a good high school football game! To spend a warm, balmy evening in the stands, have a beautiful sunset unfold right in front of you, smell the hot dogs grilling, the cheerleaders occasionally cheering, the little kids playing in the stands, and now to have my son a part of it, it's just really exciting for me! I enjoyed those games even more than the Boise State game, mainly because there seems to be more and more negativity and bad behavior occurring at the college games. The Boise State fans have ventured out to away games over the past few years and have brought rudeness and insults back with them. Fortunately the players still display the good characteristics that we all want Boise to be known for--determination, hard work, dedication to a cause, discipline, a common goal, and ultimately success--but not so some of the fans, unfortunately.
After a great opening week of football action we had an even more significant event for Kate. At 4 o'clock in the afternoon yesterday, with both grandmas, Ron, aunts and uncles and cousins, brothers and sister, and lots of friends in attendance, Kate was baptized and confirmed by her dad. She had a new white dress to wear and new scriptures that she had chosen earlier in the day with her Grandma Gloria. She had her hair beautifully braided and a sweet, serene smile on her face. Afterwards she was able to celebrate at home with swimming and a barbecue and a house full of friendly conversation, more football, and good food. She had a great day, and what a blessing it has been for me to feel well enough to plan and enjoy these important times in my kids lives while undergoing treatment. I enjoy and appreciate it all more than ever before because I realize more than ever before how important and precious these occasions with my kids are, and I am so happy they haven't had to skip birthday parties, games, and baptisms because of my health. In that way I've been very blessed.
So as fall arrives and summer ends I am so happy to have a family to share joys and sorrows with, to occupy my time and attention with their needs so I am not preoccupied with mine, and to just spend time with. I can't think of anything else I'd rather be doing than being a mom of these 5 kids. Bruce Springsteen may have been born to run, but I was born to love and care for Greg, Rachel, Hunter, Parker, Kate, and Tadman. It's a pretty great life!