It's late, and I'm tired, but the blog must go on...
You'll all be happy to know Kate has made her presentation and the horse report has been put to bed. Hunter, Tadman and I went to watch her and she did a wonderful job. We saw a few other kids make their reports as well and now I know, second graders are capable of some pretty thorough animal reports. I also know all about horses, polar bears and giraffes. I will be even more excited when the other kids are done with all their assignments and school is out for summer.
Since I have been advised to quit walking by my doctors, I motivated myself to get up Wednesday and go to water aerobics. When I got to the pool the instructor had me come up next to her and she introduced me to the entire pool and told everyone I was doing chemotherapy. You have really very little dignity left when you're in a bathing suit, bald, and being called to every one's attention before getting in the pool to do water aerobics. Now I can face anything. Well, it may have been a little more humiliating when the nurse practitioner asked to look at my bottom when I told her it was sore at my doctor's appointment on Monday. I'm stripping away a lot of onion layers here. After the big introduction I really enjoyed the workout. My sister's right--water aerobics is a lot like playing in the pool when you're a kid. It's hard to think of it as exercise.
Heather and mom came to my house to do their bed making and laundry soon after water aerobics was over. Tadman is growing accustomed to their routine now, and boy is he excited when they come. He loves my sister's yellow "huck", and my mom has started bringing him books and blocks and other little presents so he's thrilled when he sees them coming. I am too, of course. They act as therapists as well as laundresses when they come. They make sure I'm up emotionally as well as physically and always leave me feeling better than when they came.
Rachel's off to Logan, Utah with the chamber orchestra until late Saturday, so there's a strong male vibe in the house right now. Greg brought Hunter home from basketball practice tonight with a huge knot on his head. Apparently he bumped heads with a teammate in one of those loose ball drills. Greg wasn't concerned, but Hunter came right home and sat down in a chair and slumped over almost asleep and I panicked thinking he had a concussion. I called Mindy and she was nice enough to call David at work and have him call us to give us his professional opinion. I'll admit I freak out about head injuries ever since Natasha Richardson bumped her head on the bunny hill at a ski resort and ended up dying of a brain hemorrhage. David thought he'd be fine, however, so hopefully he'll be more chipper in the morning.
I had a lovely talk with Mary Dahl today. What a delightful, kind friend she is. I selfishly wish she was still around the corner instead of in Vancouver, but she always feels nearby even if she's not. Thanks for calling, Mary, it was wonderful to hear your voice. Thanks to everyone who brought meals this week, Justine Powell, Sherry Bithell, and Tammee Fulghum. I know someone helped Tammee, too, but I am not sure who, so thanks to whomever helped Tammee with her meal. Thanks to Sarah Nokleby for the long phone conversation this week--I appreciate you checking in with me and always being so willing to help with anything. Thanks to Vicki Worthen and Cynthia Waldon for going bike riding through rain and hail with me this afternoon. Tadman especially enjoyed the view from the bike trailer.
As I decline physically through this treatment, and I'm beginning to accept that will happen, even to me, I am so grateful to each of you for giving me something to lean on. You truly are making my burden lighter and more bearable, and I'm needing that support more and more as treatment lengthens and my body slowly breaks down. I am a humble and grateful woman. How much pride can you have left when you have no hair and you are showing people your bottom?
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Monday, April 27, 2009
The Ups, the Downs, and the Upside-downs of Cancer Treatment, By Margi
I haven't blogged since last Wednesday, and you know what that means--you're going to need a little stretch mid-blog or some sort of stimulant to get you through this one. Consider reading a paragraph a day if the whole of the thing is too daunting, or have one of your kids skim it and tell you the highlights. I will say since Wednesday I've been on the roller coaster and not the merry-go-round, so that might help.
It must have been Thursday morning when I noticed the article on the Komen billboard models in the Statesman. I was super excited to read it because I thought I'd have so much in common with these fellow cancer ______________ (insert your favorite descriptive noun here. Possible choices: victims, sufferers, battlers, patients, survivors...) So imagine my disappointment when I had little or nothing in common with any of them, at least as they were portrayed by the Statesman. I was discouraged! I had been very much looking forward to the Komen festivities, mainly because of the opportunity to meet women like me, but these women seemed NOTHING like me. There seemed to be no introspection or spirituality expressed, just a lot of "why me" and "this sucks". Depressing!
Then the same day I talked to Stephanie Parry, a woman I love to talk to, incidentally, but she was telling me about all the nutrition information she'd researched about keeping the body cancer free after treatment, and learning that I should have no more than 15% of my calories come from fat, no sugar (a cancer spreader), and lots and lots kale and swiss chard from here on out was an ominous and dreary picture of my future. Cancer or food, food or cancer? I'll be considering my options during treatment.
Luckily my mom and Heather came on Friday morning to do the laundry routine, and I was able to unload some of my frustrations with my dirty laundry. By the time they left my beds were made, the clean laundry was put away, and I was feeling much better about life. I was double therapized--both the organized house and the listening ears soothed me.
An unexpected visit from my adorable niece Leah and her husband Landon brought me totally out of the funk. They were visiting Boise from Logan for other business, but made the effort to come to my house and see how I was feeling and if they could perform any service for me. Talking with them and being around their youth and enthusiasm and wholesome good looks was positively rejuvenating. And Leah even came back the next day to watch Hunter play basketball and go to lunch with my family. Being around her was delightful! Thank you Leah and Landon for your visit. It meant so much to me!
After Leah and Landon's visit on Friday afternoon I was off to take Parker to a school visit at Christine Donnell Arts Magnet School. Both of us were impressed with the principal, the cleanliness and order of the school, and the variety of electives offered. We will be writing some pro and con lists in the next little while before we make the final decision. The obvious drawback for us going to Christine Donnell is transportation. We'd be driving Parker back and forth every day, but it's nice to have more than one option.
After the downer of Thursday and part of Friday (could there be a pattern forming here?) I was looking forward to the sporting events of Saturday, and I was not disappointed. Hunter's team played bright and early Saturday morning and had an epic battle with Caldwell. The game was tied several times and continued to be tied late into the 4th quarter when with 2.1 seconds left in the game, Hunter, the big hero, drove the lane and was fouled while making a lay-up, then banked the bonus free throw in, helping his team win the game with a three point margin. Quite exciting! Then off to Kate's soccer game which also ended in a tie, and in which Kate made an assist, then back to Lowell Scott for Hunter's second game, which was no longer a contest by the time I returned. Hunter's team beat Capital easily in that game. We ended a busy day by watching Hunter and the rest of the kids from church in the regional dance festival at Taco Bell Arena, and other than a minor altercation between Greg and another spectator who insisted we stole a seat he was saving, we enjoyed that too. My favorite part was seeing the different styles and personalities of my kids' friends coming out in that environment. Michelle Reed, Tom Sant, Hunter (of course), and Taylor Searle were some that stood out to me because of their dynamic personalities.
Okay, you must be growing weary of reading because I grow very weary of writing, so I'll try a little less detail, a little more insight.
The Sabbath was great for me. I loved the messages in all the meetings and came away feeling great, especially about my solid female support group at church. My feelings of love and my acceptance of little differences has grown so much with this cancer diagnosis. You can try me, but I honestly don't think any of you ladies from church could vex me in any way no matter what you did. You've all shown me such love, support, acceptance, and encouragement I can't imagine ever entertaining a bad thought about any of you ever again. And I think you like me more, too. I'm cooler with cancer, aren't I? I'm joking, of course, but I do think you've forgotten a lot of my shortcomings and imperfections because you're so anxious to support me. And I thank you!
So I've finally made it to today, Monday, treatment day. Today Camille Miller picked me up, while Mindy watched Taddy. When we arrived (after maybe 2 puzzle pieces--SAME PUZZLE!) I was quickly called in for my blood work. The port was accessed very efficiently and on the first try by the head nurse today. But when I went to my doctor's visit--a saw the nurse practitioner instead of Dr. Montgomery--and told her of my sore feet, blistered hands and sore bottom, and after she had examined those areas (why did I open my big mouth?), my treatment was suspended for today because I was too symptomatic. In other words, my body's falling apart! The bad news is, no more walking. I have to find some other exercise that's easier on my feet. The good news is, they don't add on another treatment later, they just skip it and move on. That means I'm still on schedule to be done with chemo on August 31st. So after getting the needle removed from my port, Camille and I got to have an early lunch, and it was yummy. Maybe I'll feel super delightful this week, huh?
One final note, we have conquered the horse report. Kate presents tomorrow and then we can put that puppy to bed. Yes! Thanks to Maureen for dinner, to my friends who brought the freezer meal, to Brenda for walking (what I guess will be my last walk for awhile), and to Camille and Mindy for the support today. And again, I can't say it enough, thank you all for your kind words, your prayers, your cards, your visits, your e-mails, your calls, and your comments on my blog. I honestly feel all of you holding me up a lot of the time. That's the only way I can explain why this burden feels so bearable. Hang in there with me for a few more months, okay?
It must have been Thursday morning when I noticed the article on the Komen billboard models in the Statesman. I was super excited to read it because I thought I'd have so much in common with these fellow cancer ______________ (insert your favorite descriptive noun here. Possible choices: victims, sufferers, battlers, patients, survivors...) So imagine my disappointment when I had little or nothing in common with any of them, at least as they were portrayed by the Statesman. I was discouraged! I had been very much looking forward to the Komen festivities, mainly because of the opportunity to meet women like me, but these women seemed NOTHING like me. There seemed to be no introspection or spirituality expressed, just a lot of "why me" and "this sucks". Depressing!
Then the same day I talked to Stephanie Parry, a woman I love to talk to, incidentally, but she was telling me about all the nutrition information she'd researched about keeping the body cancer free after treatment, and learning that I should have no more than 15% of my calories come from fat, no sugar (a cancer spreader), and lots and lots kale and swiss chard from here on out was an ominous and dreary picture of my future. Cancer or food, food or cancer? I'll be considering my options during treatment.
Luckily my mom and Heather came on Friday morning to do the laundry routine, and I was able to unload some of my frustrations with my dirty laundry. By the time they left my beds were made, the clean laundry was put away, and I was feeling much better about life. I was double therapized--both the organized house and the listening ears soothed me.
An unexpected visit from my adorable niece Leah and her husband Landon brought me totally out of the funk. They were visiting Boise from Logan for other business, but made the effort to come to my house and see how I was feeling and if they could perform any service for me. Talking with them and being around their youth and enthusiasm and wholesome good looks was positively rejuvenating. And Leah even came back the next day to watch Hunter play basketball and go to lunch with my family. Being around her was delightful! Thank you Leah and Landon for your visit. It meant so much to me!
After Leah and Landon's visit on Friday afternoon I was off to take Parker to a school visit at Christine Donnell Arts Magnet School. Both of us were impressed with the principal, the cleanliness and order of the school, and the variety of electives offered. We will be writing some pro and con lists in the next little while before we make the final decision. The obvious drawback for us going to Christine Donnell is transportation. We'd be driving Parker back and forth every day, but it's nice to have more than one option.
After the downer of Thursday and part of Friday (could there be a pattern forming here?) I was looking forward to the sporting events of Saturday, and I was not disappointed. Hunter's team played bright and early Saturday morning and had an epic battle with Caldwell. The game was tied several times and continued to be tied late into the 4th quarter when with 2.1 seconds left in the game, Hunter, the big hero, drove the lane and was fouled while making a lay-up, then banked the bonus free throw in, helping his team win the game with a three point margin. Quite exciting! Then off to Kate's soccer game which also ended in a tie, and in which Kate made an assist, then back to Lowell Scott for Hunter's second game, which was no longer a contest by the time I returned. Hunter's team beat Capital easily in that game. We ended a busy day by watching Hunter and the rest of the kids from church in the regional dance festival at Taco Bell Arena, and other than a minor altercation between Greg and another spectator who insisted we stole a seat he was saving, we enjoyed that too. My favorite part was seeing the different styles and personalities of my kids' friends coming out in that environment. Michelle Reed, Tom Sant, Hunter (of course), and Taylor Searle were some that stood out to me because of their dynamic personalities.
Okay, you must be growing weary of reading because I grow very weary of writing, so I'll try a little less detail, a little more insight.
The Sabbath was great for me. I loved the messages in all the meetings and came away feeling great, especially about my solid female support group at church. My feelings of love and my acceptance of little differences has grown so much with this cancer diagnosis. You can try me, but I honestly don't think any of you ladies from church could vex me in any way no matter what you did. You've all shown me such love, support, acceptance, and encouragement I can't imagine ever entertaining a bad thought about any of you ever again. And I think you like me more, too. I'm cooler with cancer, aren't I? I'm joking, of course, but I do think you've forgotten a lot of my shortcomings and imperfections because you're so anxious to support me. And I thank you!
So I've finally made it to today, Monday, treatment day. Today Camille Miller picked me up, while Mindy watched Taddy. When we arrived (after maybe 2 puzzle pieces--SAME PUZZLE!) I was quickly called in for my blood work. The port was accessed very efficiently and on the first try by the head nurse today. But when I went to my doctor's visit--a saw the nurse practitioner instead of Dr. Montgomery--and told her of my sore feet, blistered hands and sore bottom, and after she had examined those areas (why did I open my big mouth?), my treatment was suspended for today because I was too symptomatic. In other words, my body's falling apart! The bad news is, no more walking. I have to find some other exercise that's easier on my feet. The good news is, they don't add on another treatment later, they just skip it and move on. That means I'm still on schedule to be done with chemo on August 31st. So after getting the needle removed from my port, Camille and I got to have an early lunch, and it was yummy. Maybe I'll feel super delightful this week, huh?
One final note, we have conquered the horse report. Kate presents tomorrow and then we can put that puppy to bed. Yes! Thanks to Maureen for dinner, to my friends who brought the freezer meal, to Brenda for walking (what I guess will be my last walk for awhile), and to Camille and Mindy for the support today. And again, I can't say it enough, thank you all for your kind words, your prayers, your cards, your visits, your e-mails, your calls, and your comments on my blog. I honestly feel all of you holding me up a lot of the time. That's the only way I can explain why this burden feels so bearable. Hang in there with me for a few more months, okay?
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Yeah, I've Got Cancer, But at Least it's Not AP Chemisty!
I just woke up from my second nap of the day and I'm a little disoriented. Let's hope this makes sense!
One of the challenges of cancer treatment for me, as I've alluded to before, is being a mom and caring for five kids while taking the time for all these appointments, dealing with sickness and energy loss, and not giving in to the discouragement caused by all the changes to my former feeling of overall wellness. The past few days I've been put a little to the test with concerns about my kids.
Yesterday, I spent a good part of the day contacting schools Parker might possibly attend next fall. He's had a hard time at Lowell Scott this year with all the adjustments that come with middle school, so we (Greg and I, as well as Parker) have decided we'll make some sort of a change for next year. We're considering 2 charter schools in the Meridian School District and one alternative middle school. All of this requires phone calls and filling out paperwork and making school visits, stuff that would regularly be no big deal, but now seems kind of exhausting. The effort will be well worth making if we manage to get Parker into a school where he's happier so he can get his focus back on learning instead of surviving. We've completed paperwork for 2 of the schools and Parker and I will be making a visit to the third this Friday.
Another challenge I'm facing this week seems like a small enough problem, but man is it weighing heavily on my mind. Kate, in second grade, has a major project and presentation in the works and it's due next Monday. When did second graders start doing big projects anyway? She's decided to do her report on horses, and all the work needs to be done at home. That means we've been to the library, searched the Internet, researched facts, decided on visual aids for the presentation, written drafts, and we're still not done. Am I the only one that finds this crazy? Didn't we just finger paint and add and subtract in the second grade? Maybe have story time? We have a poster to make and a final draft to type, and then we'll start hammering on the presentation. Unfortunately poor Kate has to wake me up in the afternoons to get me to help her. If it gets done it will be because Kate willed it to get done!
Next on the kid agenda is a preschool for Tadman. He won't be going until fall 2010, but he won't be getting in anywhere then unless we get him on some sort of a waiting list now. My beloved preschool, My Friends Preschool, where Hunter, Parker, and Kate went, is no longer available, and the best preschool teacher in the world, Teacher Merrily, has retired. So today Tadman and I made a little visit to Hillview Preschool on Ustick, a little east of Cole Valley Christian School. It's a cute little preschool in a cute little church and the ladies there were very kind and welcoming, but you know how it is when you've been to the mountaintop and really loved the view--everything else just seems like a little hill. If any of you have preschools you're as passionate about as I am about My Friends Preschool, let me know, but Hillview may just have to do!
Even Hunter who's usually pretty self contained had a bad situation at school this week. Those darn sports teams can really bring you down sometimes, can't they? Well this week they announced a basketball meeting at Centennial so Hunter and a group of his friends who play basketball for Centennial showed up for the meeting. When they got there, the coaches told them they weren't supposed to be at the meeting--it was just for players who were projected to be on the JV and varsity teams next year, and those kids were being invited to go to a camp at Gonzaga. So in front of all those guys Hunter and the four guys he came with were invited to leave, and of course some of the guys who stayed are playing with Hunter on an AAU team right now, and so of course that gets rubbed in the face of Hunter and the other guys who weren't invited, and then Hunter's like, "Why's this kid invited and I'm not invited?" Doesn't it seem like this situation could have been avoided? I'm finding high school sports, and particularly basketball, a bit frustrating. Good news--one less summer camp we have to plan for.
And today poor Rachel, a fabulous student, came home exhausted with frustration. She has been struggling all semester in her AP Chemistry class and hadn't let us know how bad it had gotten. She's not relating well with her teacher and not doing well on weekly quizzes and because of this she's not doing as well as she'd like and is feeling a lot of stress. When you're a perfectionist like Rachel is and you aren't doing well in one class, it seems like the end of the world. All of a sudden everything seems to be overwhelming and insurmountable. I have a nephew at Boise State who's bound for medical school at San Diego next school year, and I'm hoping he'll be able to help her catch up and make sense of what she's not learning in the class. Okay, this week Centennial has gone from being my favorite school my kids are at to my biggest frustration. Rachel is just an excellent student! There's definitely something amiss in that chemistry class or she'd be getting it. I know all of you are praying for me. Please add Rachel to your prayers the next few days. Ahhh, high school! I'll take cancer treatment any day!
On a far less frustrating note, Kate and Tadman and I got in a lovely walk with Alaine Buckley last evening. The company was great, the weather beautiful, and maybe if I walk a whole lot I'll be as adorable as Alaine someday! Alaine and Karla also brought a fabulous mexican food feast to our house earlier in the evening. Thank you Alaine and Karla.
Today I was able to get out in the yard with Tadman for a couple of hours and dig dandelions out of the lawn and sweep up the front walk. Those of you who know me well know that's my favorite kind of work and it felt great to get my hands dirty and watch Tadman play on his trike. I even worked up a couple little thumb blisters. I just have to take the opportunity to spend some time outside when the weather is this spectacular. It can't last forever!
I've had a lot of things to keep me busy and occupy my mind so far this week. That means I've had very little time to think of sick stomachs and tiredness, although I have taken several naps, I must admit. But for the most part I feel pretty good so far this week. Now if I can just help Kate get that dreaded horse report done!
Thanks to Dixie and Brenda for the great meal we had tonight--very much comfort food, and thanks to my mom and sister Heather for continuing to conquer my family's dirty laundry and messy bedrooms. Thanks for phone calls, comments on my blog, and visits. I appreciate all of you and everything you do for me. This would be much harder, if not impossible, without the support and kindness of my army of friends!
One of the challenges of cancer treatment for me, as I've alluded to before, is being a mom and caring for five kids while taking the time for all these appointments, dealing with sickness and energy loss, and not giving in to the discouragement caused by all the changes to my former feeling of overall wellness. The past few days I've been put a little to the test with concerns about my kids.
Yesterday, I spent a good part of the day contacting schools Parker might possibly attend next fall. He's had a hard time at Lowell Scott this year with all the adjustments that come with middle school, so we (Greg and I, as well as Parker) have decided we'll make some sort of a change for next year. We're considering 2 charter schools in the Meridian School District and one alternative middle school. All of this requires phone calls and filling out paperwork and making school visits, stuff that would regularly be no big deal, but now seems kind of exhausting. The effort will be well worth making if we manage to get Parker into a school where he's happier so he can get his focus back on learning instead of surviving. We've completed paperwork for 2 of the schools and Parker and I will be making a visit to the third this Friday.
Another challenge I'm facing this week seems like a small enough problem, but man is it weighing heavily on my mind. Kate, in second grade, has a major project and presentation in the works and it's due next Monday. When did second graders start doing big projects anyway? She's decided to do her report on horses, and all the work needs to be done at home. That means we've been to the library, searched the Internet, researched facts, decided on visual aids for the presentation, written drafts, and we're still not done. Am I the only one that finds this crazy? Didn't we just finger paint and add and subtract in the second grade? Maybe have story time? We have a poster to make and a final draft to type, and then we'll start hammering on the presentation. Unfortunately poor Kate has to wake me up in the afternoons to get me to help her. If it gets done it will be because Kate willed it to get done!
Next on the kid agenda is a preschool for Tadman. He won't be going until fall 2010, but he won't be getting in anywhere then unless we get him on some sort of a waiting list now. My beloved preschool, My Friends Preschool, where Hunter, Parker, and Kate went, is no longer available, and the best preschool teacher in the world, Teacher Merrily, has retired. So today Tadman and I made a little visit to Hillview Preschool on Ustick, a little east of Cole Valley Christian School. It's a cute little preschool in a cute little church and the ladies there were very kind and welcoming, but you know how it is when you've been to the mountaintop and really loved the view--everything else just seems like a little hill. If any of you have preschools you're as passionate about as I am about My Friends Preschool, let me know, but Hillview may just have to do!
Even Hunter who's usually pretty self contained had a bad situation at school this week. Those darn sports teams can really bring you down sometimes, can't they? Well this week they announced a basketball meeting at Centennial so Hunter and a group of his friends who play basketball for Centennial showed up for the meeting. When they got there, the coaches told them they weren't supposed to be at the meeting--it was just for players who were projected to be on the JV and varsity teams next year, and those kids were being invited to go to a camp at Gonzaga. So in front of all those guys Hunter and the four guys he came with were invited to leave, and of course some of the guys who stayed are playing with Hunter on an AAU team right now, and so of course that gets rubbed in the face of Hunter and the other guys who weren't invited, and then Hunter's like, "Why's this kid invited and I'm not invited?" Doesn't it seem like this situation could have been avoided? I'm finding high school sports, and particularly basketball, a bit frustrating. Good news--one less summer camp we have to plan for.
And today poor Rachel, a fabulous student, came home exhausted with frustration. She has been struggling all semester in her AP Chemistry class and hadn't let us know how bad it had gotten. She's not relating well with her teacher and not doing well on weekly quizzes and because of this she's not doing as well as she'd like and is feeling a lot of stress. When you're a perfectionist like Rachel is and you aren't doing well in one class, it seems like the end of the world. All of a sudden everything seems to be overwhelming and insurmountable. I have a nephew at Boise State who's bound for medical school at San Diego next school year, and I'm hoping he'll be able to help her catch up and make sense of what she's not learning in the class. Okay, this week Centennial has gone from being my favorite school my kids are at to my biggest frustration. Rachel is just an excellent student! There's definitely something amiss in that chemistry class or she'd be getting it. I know all of you are praying for me. Please add Rachel to your prayers the next few days. Ahhh, high school! I'll take cancer treatment any day!
On a far less frustrating note, Kate and Tadman and I got in a lovely walk with Alaine Buckley last evening. The company was great, the weather beautiful, and maybe if I walk a whole lot I'll be as adorable as Alaine someday! Alaine and Karla also brought a fabulous mexican food feast to our house earlier in the evening. Thank you Alaine and Karla.
Today I was able to get out in the yard with Tadman for a couple of hours and dig dandelions out of the lawn and sweep up the front walk. Those of you who know me well know that's my favorite kind of work and it felt great to get my hands dirty and watch Tadman play on his trike. I even worked up a couple little thumb blisters. I just have to take the opportunity to spend some time outside when the weather is this spectacular. It can't last forever!
I've had a lot of things to keep me busy and occupy my mind so far this week. That means I've had very little time to think of sick stomachs and tiredness, although I have taken several naps, I must admit. But for the most part I feel pretty good so far this week. Now if I can just help Kate get that dreaded horse report done!
Thanks to Dixie and Brenda for the great meal we had tonight--very much comfort food, and thanks to my mom and sister Heather for continuing to conquer my family's dirty laundry and messy bedrooms. Thanks for phone calls, comments on my blog, and visits. I appreciate all of you and everything you do for me. This would be much harder, if not impossible, without the support and kindness of my army of friends!
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Tiring, Yet Totally Terrific Treatment Day
Today was terrific treatment day. After getting all the kids off, including Tadman to Cindy's house (Thanks Cindy and Sam!), my friend Karla and I were off to the Monday ritual. Boy did things go smoothly today. I was hooked up for the blood draw on the very first try again! Those girls are really getting good! Then Dr. Montgomery was in fine form today--all smiles and kindness, even though the computers weren't even working perfectly, they were working well enough to get accurate, up-to-date blood counts. And maybe after I'd gotten in a total of 5 puzzle pieces, we were called into the infusion. Funny, even the nurse who came to call me in stopped momentarily and tried to put in a few pieces UNSUCCESSFULLY. You can't do a puzzle like that, lady!
The infusion was quick and easy. All that crazy anti-nausea medicine and those steroids are back on board. We'll see how long they last this week. Cathy, my nurse, said it's very normal to have fewer "good" days at this point, so my Fridays may be staying bad. She also said she thought I'd feel much better if I tried to eat small, frequent meals. That's going to be a challenge for me, but something to concentrate on this week--that and looking sexy bald. Interestingly enough, NO ONE except Cathy even noticed my hair had disappeared. I guess they see them a lot a bald women down there at MSTI.
After infusion, Karla and I had a delightful lunch downtown at Moon's Kitchen. I highly recommend it. I had the best patty melt with melted cheese and sauted onions and some great hand cut french fries and a strawberry shake. I got a small shake--don't worry. It tasted good today! The atmosphere is kind of hip diner down there, and our waitress was very kind and helpful. Let's go again sometime someone!
Oh, I had a busy busy afternoon. Parker and I had a Doctor's appointment, Hunter needed rides back and forth from the YMCA, everyone needed food, Kate had a big animal report to work on, Tadman was in dire need of a nap, we went and saw Grandma and Ron's new house, and Rachel was away working on a big power point project she's presenting in AP English tomorrow. Oh yeah, and I went to the grocery store. We even worked a short Family Home Evening in there somewhere, although I promised Kate we'd get in our game tomorrow night. You can only do so much, you know!
After a crazy evening I'm posting my blog wayyyyy too late. I hope you'll forgive me if I don't include any new insight today. Karla and I did have a great conversation at lunch about many deep and meaningful topics, and I'll include more of those observations when I can get to my blogging before 2:00 in the morning. Thanks to my sweet sister and niece and Brenda Walton for telling me my bald head is attractive. Bald women need that kind of reinforcement! Thanks to Karla for the lovely morning and lunch including some awesome discussion and puzzle building. Oh we came close to finishing that dang puzzle!
The infusion was quick and easy. All that crazy anti-nausea medicine and those steroids are back on board. We'll see how long they last this week. Cathy, my nurse, said it's very normal to have fewer "good" days at this point, so my Fridays may be staying bad. She also said she thought I'd feel much better if I tried to eat small, frequent meals. That's going to be a challenge for me, but something to concentrate on this week--that and looking sexy bald. Interestingly enough, NO ONE except Cathy even noticed my hair had disappeared. I guess they see them a lot a bald women down there at MSTI.
After infusion, Karla and I had a delightful lunch downtown at Moon's Kitchen. I highly recommend it. I had the best patty melt with melted cheese and sauted onions and some great hand cut french fries and a strawberry shake. I got a small shake--don't worry. It tasted good today! The atmosphere is kind of hip diner down there, and our waitress was very kind and helpful. Let's go again sometime someone!
Oh, I had a busy busy afternoon. Parker and I had a Doctor's appointment, Hunter needed rides back and forth from the YMCA, everyone needed food, Kate had a big animal report to work on, Tadman was in dire need of a nap, we went and saw Grandma and Ron's new house, and Rachel was away working on a big power point project she's presenting in AP English tomorrow. Oh yeah, and I went to the grocery store. We even worked a short Family Home Evening in there somewhere, although I promised Kate we'd get in our game tomorrow night. You can only do so much, you know!
After a crazy evening I'm posting my blog wayyyyy too late. I hope you'll forgive me if I don't include any new insight today. Karla and I did have a great conversation at lunch about many deep and meaningful topics, and I'll include more of those observations when I can get to my blogging before 2:00 in the morning. Thanks to my sweet sister and niece and Brenda Walton for telling me my bald head is attractive. Bald women need that kind of reinforcement! Thanks to Karla for the lovely morning and lunch including some awesome discussion and puzzle building. Oh we came close to finishing that dang puzzle!
Sunday, April 19, 2009
SHAVE IT! SHAVE IT! SHAVE IT!
Since the kids have been reluctant and freaked out about the whole head shaving process, when Greg woke me up early for church this morning it seemed like an opportune time to get it done. So Greg shaved it all off--Kate woke up and helped too--first with the big clippers, then the little clippers, and then an electric razor. Believe it or not, I felt much better looking bald, with a soft white head, than with that patchy itchy thin witches' hair I've been sporting this week. When I saw the back of my head in the mirror last night and I had some nice male pattern bald spots, a nice clean shave started sounding pretty good. I don't know if you'll agree, but I actually have a pretty nice looking head. And hat wearing is much more enjoyable when you don't have to worry about what the hat's going to do to your hair.
I took the new look to church today, not totally naked but with a little black cap on, and although I got some stares, I'm sure they were mostly stares of recognition of cancer treatment and sympathy, and not stares of "who's that freak?" I feel very empowered by shaving it instead of just letting it slowly and disgustingly fall out. It's a great change.
The messages I got from church today (when I wasn't distracted by a restless 2-year-old and 2 restless 12-year-olds and 1 restless 46-year-old) was that the power of repentance is real and God always wants us back and welcomes us with open arms if we turn back toward him, and that each individual is important and significant and God prefers that none of us get lost along the way. I'm sure there were some other important points I missed, but I liked the ones I got. I am glad for all the ways Heavenly Father is providing for me and cushioning my blows--like by giving me a nice looking head so I don't have to feel self conscious about being bald! And there's no way I'll have a single split end when it grows back in! But seriously, I am humbled by all the tender mercies I have every day. When I need them they come and I'm much more aware of them than ever before. I realize more than ever that cancer can't kill a good attitude any more than winning the lottery can promote a good attitude. Your attitude has nothing whatsoever to do with what you have or don't have. You'll only achieve a good attitude when you're grateful for what you have--truly and genuinely grateful.
Speaking of tender mercies, thanks to the Dibbles for surprising us with dinner today, and a continual stream of thanks to Justine Powell for making all my babysitting arrangements and making sure we have meals and I have walking partners and chemo buddies. Thank you ALL for providing meals, encouragement, gifts, and prayers for me and my family. We love you!
I took the new look to church today, not totally naked but with a little black cap on, and although I got some stares, I'm sure they were mostly stares of recognition of cancer treatment and sympathy, and not stares of "who's that freak?" I feel very empowered by shaving it instead of just letting it slowly and disgustingly fall out. It's a great change.
The messages I got from church today (when I wasn't distracted by a restless 2-year-old and 2 restless 12-year-olds and 1 restless 46-year-old) was that the power of repentance is real and God always wants us back and welcomes us with open arms if we turn back toward him, and that each individual is important and significant and God prefers that none of us get lost along the way. I'm sure there were some other important points I missed, but I liked the ones I got. I am glad for all the ways Heavenly Father is providing for me and cushioning my blows--like by giving me a nice looking head so I don't have to feel self conscious about being bald! And there's no way I'll have a single split end when it grows back in! But seriously, I am humbled by all the tender mercies I have every day. When I need them they come and I'm much more aware of them than ever before. I realize more than ever that cancer can't kill a good attitude any more than winning the lottery can promote a good attitude. Your attitude has nothing whatsoever to do with what you have or don't have. You'll only achieve a good attitude when you're grateful for what you have--truly and genuinely grateful.
Speaking of tender mercies, thanks to the Dibbles for surprising us with dinner today, and a continual stream of thanks to Justine Powell for making all my babysitting arrangements and making sure we have meals and I have walking partners and chemo buddies. Thank you ALL for providing meals, encouragement, gifts, and prayers for me and my family. We love you!
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Two Wins, A Goal, and a Whole New Perspective
What another beautiful spring day today. As some of you have mentioned to me, it is a great blessing to do cancer treatment in the spring and summer instead of the other times of the year. If it were fall it would mess with football season, and it would be too depressing in the winter. There are blessings to count EVERY day.
And of course one of Saturday's blessings is basketball! I was able to watch Hunter play 2 exciting games today, and his team was able to win both of them. So for the season his AAU team is 4-0 in AAU games this season. Hunter had a great second game and is leading his team in field goal percentage and near the top in free throw percentage and rebounding. He also plays great defense, but that doesn't always show up on stats.
With Hunter's basketball I wasn't able to take Kate to soccer today. Fortunately Greg's step dad, Ron, was able to take her for me, and would you believe it, I missed her first goal of the season. Go Kate! She did describe how she dribbled and dribbled and then shot really hard, so that was almost like being there.
The afternoon was just a blur of activity at our house. Rachel had friends over producing a video for school, Parker had friends over, Hunter had friends over--it was quite festive. I am glad that it's business as usual around here on the weekends. When my family is living life like they normally do that makes me feel more normal, and I feel the same whether friends are over or not so it's nice to have a houseful.
Greg and I left the bustle to attend a church meeting in the evening. The messages of that meeting made me count my blessings once again. My life has completely changed by having cancer, and other than the tiredness and upset stomach, the changes in my life have been for the better. I am so much more connected to friends and neighbors. I have walking partners, hat party throwers, cleaners, and check-inners. I'm more appreciative of the people I come in contact with each day and feel more love and compassion toward them. I have no ill feelings toward anyone. My children are more concerned and affectionate. Maybe the biggest change is this--I notice the pain and the challenges going on in the world around me now and I care and I want to help. Before my diagnosis I didn't notice much of anything except for people who were doing better than we were. I'm ashamed to admit that but it's true. My hope is that this change will not shrink as the cancer does, but that it is a true and permanent change, that my heart is forever full of compassion, and that I will truly seek opportunities for service every day for the rest of my life.
Thank you all so much for caring about me and praying for me.
And of course one of Saturday's blessings is basketball! I was able to watch Hunter play 2 exciting games today, and his team was able to win both of them. So for the season his AAU team is 4-0 in AAU games this season. Hunter had a great second game and is leading his team in field goal percentage and near the top in free throw percentage and rebounding. He also plays great defense, but that doesn't always show up on stats.
With Hunter's basketball I wasn't able to take Kate to soccer today. Fortunately Greg's step dad, Ron, was able to take her for me, and would you believe it, I missed her first goal of the season. Go Kate! She did describe how she dribbled and dribbled and then shot really hard, so that was almost like being there.
The afternoon was just a blur of activity at our house. Rachel had friends over producing a video for school, Parker had friends over, Hunter had friends over--it was quite festive. I am glad that it's business as usual around here on the weekends. When my family is living life like they normally do that makes me feel more normal, and I feel the same whether friends are over or not so it's nice to have a houseful.
Greg and I left the bustle to attend a church meeting in the evening. The messages of that meeting made me count my blessings once again. My life has completely changed by having cancer, and other than the tiredness and upset stomach, the changes in my life have been for the better. I am so much more connected to friends and neighbors. I have walking partners, hat party throwers, cleaners, and check-inners. I'm more appreciative of the people I come in contact with each day and feel more love and compassion toward them. I have no ill feelings toward anyone. My children are more concerned and affectionate. Maybe the biggest change is this--I notice the pain and the challenges going on in the world around me now and I care and I want to help. Before my diagnosis I didn't notice much of anything except for people who were doing better than we were. I'm ashamed to admit that but it's true. My hope is that this change will not shrink as the cancer does, but that it is a true and permanent change, that my heart is forever full of compassion, and that I will truly seek opportunities for service every day for the rest of my life.
Thank you all so much for caring about me and praying for me.
Friday, April 17, 2009
Hat Party! Bum Tummy.
Nothing is as fun when your tummy hurts. Nothing is as fun when you no longer look forward to that special snack or that great dessert. Wait, I take that back! Hat parties are still fun.
But before the hat party I had to get up and pay my bills, and that was hard to do because Taddy was up into the wee hours of the morning for some reason. He just wouldn't go to sleep last night until 2 a.m. So I was pretty tired this morning when bill paying time came. I have to say I have a pretty impressive stack of bills, too, now that I have a medical "condition". Those come with lots of bills and now a job that used to take me a couple of hours takes about 5.
I was still working on bills when my lovely helpers came to clean my house. Marian Smith, Stephanie Searle, Nicole Daniels, Brenda Walton and Jamie Boyce came and cleaned our home from top to bottom and side to side--and it looks fabulous. My windows are gleaming, my floors shine and we even got all the old Easter candy out of the couch cushions. Thank you, great friends!
More help was on the way as shift one finished up and shift two arrived. Heather, her daughter Brennan, and my mom were right on the heels of the first group. They put away freshly folded laundry and picked up the dirty variety, and then they helped me organize and put away stacks of junk I've been meaning to put away for weeks and haven't gotten around to. My house is just much more attractive this evening than it was when I woke up this morning. Thank you, great family.
Then it was time for the hat party! Karla and Becky were nice enough to come and fetch Tadman and I because I was moving pretty slowly. My stomach is becoming more and more of an issue as this treatment goes on, and those stomach problems were demotivating, so the ride was very much appreciated. Thank you Brenda, for hostessing the party, and thank you Melinda, for finding a picture of me with good hair to put on the invitation. The food was good, the hats are great, the catalogs and wig information invaluable, and I really do feel a lot better about losing my hair with all my faithful friends supporting me. It sincerely made a difference. Thanks hat party guests! I will be sporting some fine hats in the near future!
May I take the time to mention that the weather was breathtakingly fine today and I took a few minutes to pull a few weeds in the back yard so I could enjoy it. A beautiful spring day can make you forget your problems I tell ya'.
The customary blessing count is quite easy to do today. I am thankful for caring and concerned friends and family. I am thankful for a toddler who is happy, somehow, on 5 and a half hours of sleep. I am thankful for hats and wigs and all the fashion options they will provide when my hair is gone. I'm thankful for a husband who works hard, hard, hard, so we can make a dent in those medical bills. I'm so thankful he still has a job to go to. And I'm thankful for sunshine, warmer weather, singing birds, blooming flowers, green grass, and baby ducks. These are all evidences that my Heavenly Father loves me.
But before the hat party I had to get up and pay my bills, and that was hard to do because Taddy was up into the wee hours of the morning for some reason. He just wouldn't go to sleep last night until 2 a.m. So I was pretty tired this morning when bill paying time came. I have to say I have a pretty impressive stack of bills, too, now that I have a medical "condition". Those come with lots of bills and now a job that used to take me a couple of hours takes about 5.
I was still working on bills when my lovely helpers came to clean my house. Marian Smith, Stephanie Searle, Nicole Daniels, Brenda Walton and Jamie Boyce came and cleaned our home from top to bottom and side to side--and it looks fabulous. My windows are gleaming, my floors shine and we even got all the old Easter candy out of the couch cushions. Thank you, great friends!
More help was on the way as shift one finished up and shift two arrived. Heather, her daughter Brennan, and my mom were right on the heels of the first group. They put away freshly folded laundry and picked up the dirty variety, and then they helped me organize and put away stacks of junk I've been meaning to put away for weeks and haven't gotten around to. My house is just much more attractive this evening than it was when I woke up this morning. Thank you, great family.
Then it was time for the hat party! Karla and Becky were nice enough to come and fetch Tadman and I because I was moving pretty slowly. My stomach is becoming more and more of an issue as this treatment goes on, and those stomach problems were demotivating, so the ride was very much appreciated. Thank you Brenda, for hostessing the party, and thank you Melinda, for finding a picture of me with good hair to put on the invitation. The food was good, the hats are great, the catalogs and wig information invaluable, and I really do feel a lot better about losing my hair with all my faithful friends supporting me. It sincerely made a difference. Thanks hat party guests! I will be sporting some fine hats in the near future!
May I take the time to mention that the weather was breathtakingly fine today and I took a few minutes to pull a few weeds in the back yard so I could enjoy it. A beautiful spring day can make you forget your problems I tell ya'.
The customary blessing count is quite easy to do today. I am thankful for caring and concerned friends and family. I am thankful for a toddler who is happy, somehow, on 5 and a half hours of sleep. I am thankful for hats and wigs and all the fashion options they will provide when my hair is gone. I'm thankful for a husband who works hard, hard, hard, so we can make a dent in those medical bills. I'm so thankful he still has a job to go to. And I'm thankful for sunshine, warmer weather, singing birds, blooming flowers, green grass, and baby ducks. These are all evidences that my Heavenly Father loves me.
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
Shedding and Bedding or Napping and Balding or Snoozing and Losing
I have had a hard time the past few days staying up late enough to write on the blog. I hear this chemo stuff can make you a little tired. My days of staying up 'till 2 getting my little jobs like e-mailing and bill paying done may be a thing of the past. Perhaps I'm like Sampson and will completely lose my strength with my hair.
Looking back to Monday, treatment day, it was a good time as usual. Lovely Tammee Fulghum came as my companion, but I got called in so quickly we were able to do very little of the puzzle. I got in only TWO pieces--Tammee did much better. Things went very smoothly with the treatment despite the utter failure in puzzle building. My port was accessed on the very first try for the first time ever! My white blood cell count was the highest it's been since treatment began (that's good they tell me) and all other indicators in my blood tests were positive. I'm a little anemic, but that's just something they expect to start at this point and to get a little worse each week of treatment. Unfortunately I have no little quips from Dr. Montgomery because he was away from the office, but I'm sure he'll offer extra personality next week to make up for his absence. The infusion was very efficient this week. I got some juice and a warm blanket and Tammee knitted a dish cloth and it was over. I ordered lunch but it didn't even get there before I left, so Tammee and I were forced to GO to lunch at Spaghetti Factory. We got to sit in the caboose table and ordered off the half price menu and felt very satisfied with our lunch. Then on the way back to my house we noticed the sushi cooking class was still in session so we HAD to stop in and try some of the sushi. Dave and Rich came through with some great tasting tidbits, a nice little supplement to our Italian lunch. My great friend Melissa was entertaining Tadman while I was leisurely making my way home. Thank you Melissa and Tammee for enhancing my treatment day and making it leisurely and delightful again.
When my kids got home there was a weekend atmosphere at the house because the older kids didn't have school Tuesday because of senior projects. Therefore we were a little lax on the homework and school preparation for the little kids, and we ended up running out of time to cook dinner and grabbing a pizza late to feed the kids before we put them to bed. We had a very busy family life already, and although I have relinquished a lot of my responsibilities to other people, it's very hard to fit cancer into an already busy family schedule. So all of you helping with meals and cleaning and washing are really making it possible for us to maintain a little of the order we had before my diagnosis, and we appreciate immensely the time it provides for us to do other things we need to do.
Tuesday was a sleep in day for me after I got the younger kids off to school. On the days I don't have something scheduled I kind of like climbing back into bed with Tadman and letting him watch Sesame Street while I get another hour of sleep. My bed is way too comfortable to me now. I try to get back in it every chance I get. Rachel managed to rouse me out of bed and we went to Costa Vida where we were delighted to see the Bishop, Brother Ableman, and Brother Smith, and the Millers. It was a little unofficial ward party. Lunch was good, and we followed it up with some cherry limeades from Sonic happy hour before I had to be to the dentist with Parker who got sealants and 2 fillings. (He's not the most religious brusher). Then I had a football boosters meeting at Centennial to go to. The meetings are heating up as we get closer to football season, and everyone knows football season begins the day school gets out. They plan camps, summer workouts, scrimmages, and meetings throughout the summer. They're trying to decide where to go to camp this summer and which players to take to camp, so this was a much more heavily attended meeting than most, and it ended up being a 2 hour meeting, so I missed walking with Alaine Buckley because it was too late to go when I returned. Alaine promised to get me out some other time. I've got to start walking if I'm going to make it to the finish line at the Koman for the Cure walk coming up next month.
Today I was such a good girl and got up and worked out at the Y. I did the 10:15 water aerobics workout that's kind of more intense and lap oriented than the earlier water aerobics class. Only 2 ladies were in the class, including me, so it was more of an individual self guided workout, but it felt good to excercise and then stretch and relax in the water. Brother Stott was putting in a few laps in the lane right next to me and making me look bad.
It's the first time Tadman has been in the nursery at the Y, or at least the first time since he was an infant, and he wasn't too sure he wanted to stay even after I showed him all their cool "hucks". Finally I had to ask one of the child watch staff to take him by the hand and lead him away from me--he didn't want to let go of his kung fu grip on my hand. He did seem fine and happy when I picked him up to take him back home.
After lunch and some trike riding in the back yard for Tadman it was back to bed for us. As you can see I am slowly spending more and more time in bed. Tadman so far has been kind enough to accomodate me by either napping with me or playing with trucks on the floor next to my bed while I nap. What an especially sweet child he is.
Somehow while I slept away all my kids got to dance festival practice, scouts and orchestra and everywhere else they needed to be. If you got them those places, thank you.
Since I'm feeling very down about the inevitable loss of my hair and resultant baldness today, I want to take a minute to count my blessings. I am thankful for my home, and that it is comfortable and warm and that it is a good place to recuperate and rest and be with my family. I am thankful for nausea medicines that keep me just hating food and not throwing up. I am thankful I have not picked up any of the illnesses that have gone through my family so I can be at home instead of in the hospital. I am thankful for my friends, for their notes, their phone calls, and their hat parties in my honor. I am thankful for the concern and help of friends who are cancer survivors who give me hope for the future. I am thankful that my husband is able to work to support our family and pay my medical bills, and that he does so willingly, and I am thankful for my kids because I find my greatest contentment in their company. I promise to try to continue to count my blessings even when every single hair has fallen out of my head, probably tomorrow.
Looking back to Monday, treatment day, it was a good time as usual. Lovely Tammee Fulghum came as my companion, but I got called in so quickly we were able to do very little of the puzzle. I got in only TWO pieces--Tammee did much better. Things went very smoothly with the treatment despite the utter failure in puzzle building. My port was accessed on the very first try for the first time ever! My white blood cell count was the highest it's been since treatment began (that's good they tell me) and all other indicators in my blood tests were positive. I'm a little anemic, but that's just something they expect to start at this point and to get a little worse each week of treatment. Unfortunately I have no little quips from Dr. Montgomery because he was away from the office, but I'm sure he'll offer extra personality next week to make up for his absence. The infusion was very efficient this week. I got some juice and a warm blanket and Tammee knitted a dish cloth and it was over. I ordered lunch but it didn't even get there before I left, so Tammee and I were forced to GO to lunch at Spaghetti Factory. We got to sit in the caboose table and ordered off the half price menu and felt very satisfied with our lunch. Then on the way back to my house we noticed the sushi cooking class was still in session so we HAD to stop in and try some of the sushi. Dave and Rich came through with some great tasting tidbits, a nice little supplement to our Italian lunch. My great friend Melissa was entertaining Tadman while I was leisurely making my way home. Thank you Melissa and Tammee for enhancing my treatment day and making it leisurely and delightful again.
When my kids got home there was a weekend atmosphere at the house because the older kids didn't have school Tuesday because of senior projects. Therefore we were a little lax on the homework and school preparation for the little kids, and we ended up running out of time to cook dinner and grabbing a pizza late to feed the kids before we put them to bed. We had a very busy family life already, and although I have relinquished a lot of my responsibilities to other people, it's very hard to fit cancer into an already busy family schedule. So all of you helping with meals and cleaning and washing are really making it possible for us to maintain a little of the order we had before my diagnosis, and we appreciate immensely the time it provides for us to do other things we need to do.
Tuesday was a sleep in day for me after I got the younger kids off to school. On the days I don't have something scheduled I kind of like climbing back into bed with Tadman and letting him watch Sesame Street while I get another hour of sleep. My bed is way too comfortable to me now. I try to get back in it every chance I get. Rachel managed to rouse me out of bed and we went to Costa Vida where we were delighted to see the Bishop, Brother Ableman, and Brother Smith, and the Millers. It was a little unofficial ward party. Lunch was good, and we followed it up with some cherry limeades from Sonic happy hour before I had to be to the dentist with Parker who got sealants and 2 fillings. (He's not the most religious brusher). Then I had a football boosters meeting at Centennial to go to. The meetings are heating up as we get closer to football season, and everyone knows football season begins the day school gets out. They plan camps, summer workouts, scrimmages, and meetings throughout the summer. They're trying to decide where to go to camp this summer and which players to take to camp, so this was a much more heavily attended meeting than most, and it ended up being a 2 hour meeting, so I missed walking with Alaine Buckley because it was too late to go when I returned. Alaine promised to get me out some other time. I've got to start walking if I'm going to make it to the finish line at the Koman for the Cure walk coming up next month.
Today I was such a good girl and got up and worked out at the Y. I did the 10:15 water aerobics workout that's kind of more intense and lap oriented than the earlier water aerobics class. Only 2 ladies were in the class, including me, so it was more of an individual self guided workout, but it felt good to excercise and then stretch and relax in the water. Brother Stott was putting in a few laps in the lane right next to me and making me look bad.
It's the first time Tadman has been in the nursery at the Y, or at least the first time since he was an infant, and he wasn't too sure he wanted to stay even after I showed him all their cool "hucks". Finally I had to ask one of the child watch staff to take him by the hand and lead him away from me--he didn't want to let go of his kung fu grip on my hand. He did seem fine and happy when I picked him up to take him back home.
After lunch and some trike riding in the back yard for Tadman it was back to bed for us. As you can see I am slowly spending more and more time in bed. Tadman so far has been kind enough to accomodate me by either napping with me or playing with trucks on the floor next to my bed while I nap. What an especially sweet child he is.
Somehow while I slept away all my kids got to dance festival practice, scouts and orchestra and everywhere else they needed to be. If you got them those places, thank you.
Since I'm feeling very down about the inevitable loss of my hair and resultant baldness today, I want to take a minute to count my blessings. I am thankful for my home, and that it is comfortable and warm and that it is a good place to recuperate and rest and be with my family. I am thankful for nausea medicines that keep me just hating food and not throwing up. I am thankful I have not picked up any of the illnesses that have gone through my family so I can be at home instead of in the hospital. I am thankful for my friends, for their notes, their phone calls, and their hat parties in my honor. I am thankful for the concern and help of friends who are cancer survivors who give me hope for the future. I am thankful that my husband is able to work to support our family and pay my medical bills, and that he does so willingly, and I am thankful for my kids because I find my greatest contentment in their company. I promise to try to continue to count my blessings even when every single hair has fallen out of my head, probably tomorrow.
Sunday, April 12, 2009
Hare, Oops, I Mean Hair, Loss On Easter, But At Least I've Never Been Attacked By A Bear!
The title is catchy, isn't it? Come with me, dear reader, and I'll enlighten you.
I believe I mentioned that my nurse, Cathy, told me last Monday that if I made it through this week, very likely I'd be keeping my hair. Well, irony of ironies, on the last day of this week, in the shower this morning, there were my handfuls of hair as I shampooed. Bummer! A small victory snatched at the twelfth hour by defeat! I hope to look as good as Hunter does when I lose it all. I'll post photos when the time comes.
Yesterday, about 200,000 hairs bushier, I had a busy sports Saturday with the kids. Hunter and his AAU team were involved in a big basketball tournament that turned out to be a challenge for them. They did well in their first two games, but struggled in their 2 Saturday games. To further complicate things, Greg had sick employees (yes, he infected them) and had to be at work so was unable to coach the boys in the early game. The team was competitive and gave good effort in both games, but shot a miserable percentage for the day and was unable to overcome those shooting woes. Hunter doesn't like to lose at all, so as a result he was miserable Saturday night.
Kate also had a sporting event on Saturday. She played goalie for the first time ever for her soccer team, and took to it very well, allowing only 2 goals during her time in net. I was happy to see her attack a new challenge with confidence instead of fear. It was a beautiful day at the soccer fields, I sincerely enjoy watching my children play sports, and so I was happy. There are so many lessons to be learned by participating in athletics. I see it almost every time one of the younger Nettles participates. Hunter is learning to be patient, to believe in himself and in his team and in their potential for improvement. He's learning to have self control even when he feels frustrated by officials calls, opponents, and even teammates. I hope he's learning that although the goal is to win, many quality lessons can be learned through a loss. Kate's learning she's strong and capable. She's learning to use games and play as a way to keep her body strong and healthy and she's learning a team working together makes her a much more succesful player.
Kate's game gave me a chance to talk to Scott Ursenback, a friend from church who just reached the 10 year mark being cancer free. How nice it is to have a conversation with someone who has been through a similar experience and knows the emotional and physical toll cancer takes on those who have it. It's also encouraging to see a young, vibrant guy who used to have cancer and now doesn't. I look forward to reaching that 10 year cancer free mark.
After a very busy day of games (very theraputic!), Greg and I decided to have a late dinner out and do a little last minute Easter basket shopping. The food at Red Robin was good, the shopping at Walmart tiring. NOT my favorite place to shop, to say the least, but I don't want my kids feeling life has lost its lustre because of my diagnosis. In fact, Easter, family celebrations, and even everyday living has become more celebratory and more meaningful since cancer.
Today it was great to be at church again. Between Conference and family illness it's been too long. The special music for Easter, taking the sacrament, teaching my Sunday School class, and being with my peers in Relief Society were highlights for me. I felt so much more in communion with the sisters at church than ever before in my life. I have a tendency to be independent, to do my own thing at my own pace, and to be preoccupied with my immediate family. Because of these tendencies I don't spend a lot of time cultivating friendships. Being in a situation where I have accepted help, instead of feeling guilty or needy like I thought I would, I feel interconnected, humble, accepting, and forgiving instead. That has been one of the best changes in me over the last few months.
Church was followed by a great meal with Greg's mom and Ron. They did all the Tadman chasing so I could just enjoy my meal. (Tadman adores his grandparents and their truck!) After dinner the kids and I enjoyed a back yard Easter egg hunt. Hunter didn't really enjoy it because he had already eaten too much candy. Tadman enjoyed it because he liked opening his mini m&m's, dumping them on the cement, and eating them off the ground like a doggie. Kate seemed to enjoy it the most. She enjoyed it so much, in fact, she wanted Rachel and I to rehide the eggs again. What perfect weather, and what a great opportunity to enjoy all the little plants, flowers, and birds re-emerging for spring.
So when we were back inside for the evening and I was trying to write my blog, Hunter was watching TLC. For any of you who are not familiar with that network, they have all kinds of shows about people with interesting physical challenges, extra large families, or people who have had unusually harrowing life experiences. So as I was trying to think and write and make sense of what I was writing, I was also listening to shows about the lady with the 200 lb. legs and another show about people attacked by bears, so yes, I have cancer and that stinks, but at least I've never been attacked by a bear!
Thank you friends for commenting on my blog, thanks to my mom and sister for continuously picking up and doing my laundry, thanks to Jesse for the concern and the cookies, thank you to everyone feeding my family with meals and freezer meals, and thank you to Justine Powell for making sure every need I can conceive of is filled. Yes, it seems my hair will fall out, but I am having a hard time NOT seeing all the blessings being poured upon me since the Monday morning Dr. Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon my head (little Beatles reference). You are the conduits of all those blessings.
I believe I mentioned that my nurse, Cathy, told me last Monday that if I made it through this week, very likely I'd be keeping my hair. Well, irony of ironies, on the last day of this week, in the shower this morning, there were my handfuls of hair as I shampooed. Bummer! A small victory snatched at the twelfth hour by defeat! I hope to look as good as Hunter does when I lose it all. I'll post photos when the time comes.
Yesterday, about 200,000 hairs bushier, I had a busy sports Saturday with the kids. Hunter and his AAU team were involved in a big basketball tournament that turned out to be a challenge for them. They did well in their first two games, but struggled in their 2 Saturday games. To further complicate things, Greg had sick employees (yes, he infected them) and had to be at work so was unable to coach the boys in the early game. The team was competitive and gave good effort in both games, but shot a miserable percentage for the day and was unable to overcome those shooting woes. Hunter doesn't like to lose at all, so as a result he was miserable Saturday night.
Kate also had a sporting event on Saturday. She played goalie for the first time ever for her soccer team, and took to it very well, allowing only 2 goals during her time in net. I was happy to see her attack a new challenge with confidence instead of fear. It was a beautiful day at the soccer fields, I sincerely enjoy watching my children play sports, and so I was happy. There are so many lessons to be learned by participating in athletics. I see it almost every time one of the younger Nettles participates. Hunter is learning to be patient, to believe in himself and in his team and in their potential for improvement. He's learning to have self control even when he feels frustrated by officials calls, opponents, and even teammates. I hope he's learning that although the goal is to win, many quality lessons can be learned through a loss. Kate's learning she's strong and capable. She's learning to use games and play as a way to keep her body strong and healthy and she's learning a team working together makes her a much more succesful player.
Kate's game gave me a chance to talk to Scott Ursenback, a friend from church who just reached the 10 year mark being cancer free. How nice it is to have a conversation with someone who has been through a similar experience and knows the emotional and physical toll cancer takes on those who have it. It's also encouraging to see a young, vibrant guy who used to have cancer and now doesn't. I look forward to reaching that 10 year cancer free mark.
After a very busy day of games (very theraputic!), Greg and I decided to have a late dinner out and do a little last minute Easter basket shopping. The food at Red Robin was good, the shopping at Walmart tiring. NOT my favorite place to shop, to say the least, but I don't want my kids feeling life has lost its lustre because of my diagnosis. In fact, Easter, family celebrations, and even everyday living has become more celebratory and more meaningful since cancer.
Today it was great to be at church again. Between Conference and family illness it's been too long. The special music for Easter, taking the sacrament, teaching my Sunday School class, and being with my peers in Relief Society were highlights for me. I felt so much more in communion with the sisters at church than ever before in my life. I have a tendency to be independent, to do my own thing at my own pace, and to be preoccupied with my immediate family. Because of these tendencies I don't spend a lot of time cultivating friendships. Being in a situation where I have accepted help, instead of feeling guilty or needy like I thought I would, I feel interconnected, humble, accepting, and forgiving instead. That has been one of the best changes in me over the last few months.
Church was followed by a great meal with Greg's mom and Ron. They did all the Tadman chasing so I could just enjoy my meal. (Tadman adores his grandparents and their truck!) After dinner the kids and I enjoyed a back yard Easter egg hunt. Hunter didn't really enjoy it because he had already eaten too much candy. Tadman enjoyed it because he liked opening his mini m&m's, dumping them on the cement, and eating them off the ground like a doggie. Kate seemed to enjoy it the most. She enjoyed it so much, in fact, she wanted Rachel and I to rehide the eggs again. What perfect weather, and what a great opportunity to enjoy all the little plants, flowers, and birds re-emerging for spring.
So when we were back inside for the evening and I was trying to write my blog, Hunter was watching TLC. For any of you who are not familiar with that network, they have all kinds of shows about people with interesting physical challenges, extra large families, or people who have had unusually harrowing life experiences. So as I was trying to think and write and make sense of what I was writing, I was also listening to shows about the lady with the 200 lb. legs and another show about people attacked by bears, so yes, I have cancer and that stinks, but at least I've never been attacked by a bear!
Thank you friends for commenting on my blog, thanks to my mom and sister for continuously picking up and doing my laundry, thanks to Jesse for the concern and the cookies, thank you to everyone feeding my family with meals and freezer meals, and thank you to Justine Powell for making sure every need I can conceive of is filled. Yes, it seems my hair will fall out, but I am having a hard time NOT seeing all the blessings being poured upon me since the Monday morning Dr. Maxwell's silver hammer came down upon my head (little Beatles reference). You are the conduits of all those blessings.
Thursday, April 9, 2009
MY COMPUTER'S BACK! LET THE BLOGGING BEGIN!
I am so excited to have a computer back in my home. Thank you husband! I will definitely be a blogging fool now that it has become so much more convenient.
Many things have happened since my last post, so hopefully I can get a lot of information in without putting so much detail that it's overwhelming to read. Just feel free to put your head down on your computer desk halfway through if you need to, or break away for a little snack and leg stretch.
Most of the days I have missed writing about have been great days. In fact, I told my sister Heather that I suspected they had forgotten my actual chemo drug last infusion since I was feeling so good. That's changed a little bit. Since midday yesterday that old familiar chemo feeling has returned.
Here's a little update on my life since Saturday. On Sunday we had a great family breakfast as we watched the remaining sessions of Conference. Greg wasn't with us as he was in Fort Worth, Texas, setting up a customer's turn table. Yes, I guess it must have been a pretty nice turn table to make flying Greg out to set it up worthwhile. In the evening the kids and I went to my sister's house for dinner and games. Some other family members were there, including grandma, aunts, uncles, and cousins, and we had a lot of fun playing The Couch Game and Mafia. The men in the group dominated both games and my nephew Colton unmercilously killed me in Mafia after I accused him of being mafia. He ended up winning the game by somehow convincing the others of his innocence. Ha! The highlight of the evening was when Tadman was given a balloon and brought it into the center of the room, flopped on top of it, and started biting it while all the rest of us anticipated its demise and resultant loud popping sound. Luckily when it did pop, Tadman reacted with surprise instead of terror.
On Monday my sweet friend Melissa went with me to treatment at MSTI while my other sweet friend Melinda watched Taddy. Melissa and I had a fabulous time together--at least I hope she had as much fun as I did. She helped me put pieces in the puzzle (the same one that was set up last week even!) until it was my turn to get blood work done, then offered her moral support as the nurse tried to access my port. I jinxed the poor girl by telling her it had taken them dozens of tries to access the week before, so after trying only twice she brought over the nurse who had hit the mark on her first try. And she did it on the first try again! That means only 3 pokes to access this week--a ratio I can live with.
Melissa got to meet the infamous Dr. Montgomery next. His computers were working this week so he was in a better mood than last week, but he did mention he had come three hours early to make sure they were working before patients arrived. When he examined my tumor he assured me that it that it was smaller and softer, and though he had no clinical evidence to support his assertions, he said it was his perogative as a clinician to say tumors are smaller and softer even without evidence. So there. His nurse Cathy said it's possible I won't lose my hair if I don't lose it this week, so Hunter may have shaved his head in vain. Perhaps I'll shave my head just to support him shaving his head for me.
After a few more key puzzle piece fittings, Melissa and I went in for the infusion, which is the part of the appointment where the actual chemotherapy is injected. Since it was lunch time they let me order actual food off a hospital menu and although Melissa didn't get to order anything, they did let her have a maple bar and some milk. We got to chat with a very nice gentleman who volunteers and fetches things for people while they're receiving treatment. He was excited to show us photos of his fiance' and grand kids and telling us about his upcoming wedding plans. It's actually delightful to visit MSTI because the people working and volunteering there are so kind and helpful. If any of you ever want to come see what Melissa has seen and lived to tell about, please let me know. It's fun when friends come. I usually go at about 10 a.m. on Mondays and it takes about 2 and a half to 3 hours. Puzzle building and maple bars are optional.
On Monday evening Greg arrived home and was ill again unfortunately. We had a great winter with very little illness in our family, but our spring is definitely making up for it. Overnight his temperature reached 102+ again, but he's been working through it and toughing it out since he is needed at the store. I have been spared any serious illness or fever through everyone else's illnesses, and I think that's a HUGE blessing.
On Tuesday I was feeling well enough to just live a regular day. I went to the Boise Temple (a special meeting house where members of our church can go to perform special ordinances, pray, and meditate) with my mom and sister and was able to go to Costa Vida with my friend Becky for lunch afterward. I felt great and had a good appetite and really enjoyed being out on a beautiful spring day. Later in the day I was well enough to go to a Centennial AAA Boosters meeting to help wrap up the year's activities as treasurer of that organization. Our board's biggest frustration there is finding officers to fill our spots for the new school year. It may be an organization that is no longer relevant or viable. We'll wait to see if the administration at Centennial has any input for us about finding new officers. The evening was occupied with an Open House at Pathways Middle School, a school Greg and I are investigating as a possible alternative for Parker next year. Like the rest of my kids, he has had a hard time adjusting to middle school at Lowell Scott, but unlike my other kids, his issues at Lowell Scott don't seem to be easing as the year progresses. We hope to get him in a different environment so his great potential as a student and human being can be tapped instead of being crushed. None of these hard decisions in life go away with cancer treatment. Life still has to be lived.
Since my energy and stomach were so good in the early part of the week, I decided to brave water aerobics at the YMCA on Wednesday. Tadman was with Grandma Dee and Ron, who had picked him up Tuesday afternoon to give him a little break from life with me, so it was easy to get over there. I enjoyed the class a lot, so much that I stayed for the next class, and it was fun to be with my sister and my mom and meet some of the great ladies taking the class. They were all so kind and helpful. They made sure I had good form and didn't drown, which was helpful.
So that almost brings me up-to-date because after those 2 classes I felt great, but a couple hours later I was sick to my tummy and exhausted, and other than welcoming my visiting teachers today, about all Tadman and I have done is sleep and watch Sesame Street. And that was almost too taxing.
My favorite part of having my computer back was reading your comments about my blog. I love, love, love knowing I have a whole army of concerned friends and family out there wishing me well. Please continue to comment. I like knowing you're out there. My fabulous niece Leah sent me one of my favorite letters ever and I got it today. It was even better than Sesame Street, Leah. Thank you, Leah, for reading my blog and making me feel great about myself. You know how much I love you and I can honestly say I have never seen you be unkind to anyone, ever. Thank you so much for letting me know you're with me! And again, to everyone, I appreciate all the food, gifts, cards, notes, companionship, babysitting, and love you're all so willing to provide. In the past I have at times been guilty of feeling sorry for myself, for feeling unappreciated or unnoticed at times, but THAT HAS CHANGED. I feel very loved, noticed, and taken care of by so many, many people. Thank you for making me feel like the most fortunate creature on Earth.
Many things have happened since my last post, so hopefully I can get a lot of information in without putting so much detail that it's overwhelming to read. Just feel free to put your head down on your computer desk halfway through if you need to, or break away for a little snack and leg stretch.
Most of the days I have missed writing about have been great days. In fact, I told my sister Heather that I suspected they had forgotten my actual chemo drug last infusion since I was feeling so good. That's changed a little bit. Since midday yesterday that old familiar chemo feeling has returned.
Here's a little update on my life since Saturday. On Sunday we had a great family breakfast as we watched the remaining sessions of Conference. Greg wasn't with us as he was in Fort Worth, Texas, setting up a customer's turn table. Yes, I guess it must have been a pretty nice turn table to make flying Greg out to set it up worthwhile. In the evening the kids and I went to my sister's house for dinner and games. Some other family members were there, including grandma, aunts, uncles, and cousins, and we had a lot of fun playing The Couch Game and Mafia. The men in the group dominated both games and my nephew Colton unmercilously killed me in Mafia after I accused him of being mafia. He ended up winning the game by somehow convincing the others of his innocence. Ha! The highlight of the evening was when Tadman was given a balloon and brought it into the center of the room, flopped on top of it, and started biting it while all the rest of us anticipated its demise and resultant loud popping sound. Luckily when it did pop, Tadman reacted with surprise instead of terror.
On Monday my sweet friend Melissa went with me to treatment at MSTI while my other sweet friend Melinda watched Taddy. Melissa and I had a fabulous time together--at least I hope she had as much fun as I did. She helped me put pieces in the puzzle (the same one that was set up last week even!) until it was my turn to get blood work done, then offered her moral support as the nurse tried to access my port. I jinxed the poor girl by telling her it had taken them dozens of tries to access the week before, so after trying only twice she brought over the nurse who had hit the mark on her first try. And she did it on the first try again! That means only 3 pokes to access this week--a ratio I can live with.
Melissa got to meet the infamous Dr. Montgomery next. His computers were working this week so he was in a better mood than last week, but he did mention he had come three hours early to make sure they were working before patients arrived. When he examined my tumor he assured me that it that it was smaller and softer, and though he had no clinical evidence to support his assertions, he said it was his perogative as a clinician to say tumors are smaller and softer even without evidence. So there. His nurse Cathy said it's possible I won't lose my hair if I don't lose it this week, so Hunter may have shaved his head in vain. Perhaps I'll shave my head just to support him shaving his head for me.
After a few more key puzzle piece fittings, Melissa and I went in for the infusion, which is the part of the appointment where the actual chemotherapy is injected. Since it was lunch time they let me order actual food off a hospital menu and although Melissa didn't get to order anything, they did let her have a maple bar and some milk. We got to chat with a very nice gentleman who volunteers and fetches things for people while they're receiving treatment. He was excited to show us photos of his fiance' and grand kids and telling us about his upcoming wedding plans. It's actually delightful to visit MSTI because the people working and volunteering there are so kind and helpful. If any of you ever want to come see what Melissa has seen and lived to tell about, please let me know. It's fun when friends come. I usually go at about 10 a.m. on Mondays and it takes about 2 and a half to 3 hours. Puzzle building and maple bars are optional.
On Monday evening Greg arrived home and was ill again unfortunately. We had a great winter with very little illness in our family, but our spring is definitely making up for it. Overnight his temperature reached 102+ again, but he's been working through it and toughing it out since he is needed at the store. I have been spared any serious illness or fever through everyone else's illnesses, and I think that's a HUGE blessing.
On Tuesday I was feeling well enough to just live a regular day. I went to the Boise Temple (a special meeting house where members of our church can go to perform special ordinances, pray, and meditate) with my mom and sister and was able to go to Costa Vida with my friend Becky for lunch afterward. I felt great and had a good appetite and really enjoyed being out on a beautiful spring day. Later in the day I was well enough to go to a Centennial AAA Boosters meeting to help wrap up the year's activities as treasurer of that organization. Our board's biggest frustration there is finding officers to fill our spots for the new school year. It may be an organization that is no longer relevant or viable. We'll wait to see if the administration at Centennial has any input for us about finding new officers. The evening was occupied with an Open House at Pathways Middle School, a school Greg and I are investigating as a possible alternative for Parker next year. Like the rest of my kids, he has had a hard time adjusting to middle school at Lowell Scott, but unlike my other kids, his issues at Lowell Scott don't seem to be easing as the year progresses. We hope to get him in a different environment so his great potential as a student and human being can be tapped instead of being crushed. None of these hard decisions in life go away with cancer treatment. Life still has to be lived.
Since my energy and stomach were so good in the early part of the week, I decided to brave water aerobics at the YMCA on Wednesday. Tadman was with Grandma Dee and Ron, who had picked him up Tuesday afternoon to give him a little break from life with me, so it was easy to get over there. I enjoyed the class a lot, so much that I stayed for the next class, and it was fun to be with my sister and my mom and meet some of the great ladies taking the class. They were all so kind and helpful. They made sure I had good form and didn't drown, which was helpful.
So that almost brings me up-to-date because after those 2 classes I felt great, but a couple hours later I was sick to my tummy and exhausted, and other than welcoming my visiting teachers today, about all Tadman and I have done is sleep and watch Sesame Street. And that was almost too taxing.
My favorite part of having my computer back was reading your comments about my blog. I love, love, love knowing I have a whole army of concerned friends and family out there wishing me well. Please continue to comment. I like knowing you're out there. My fabulous niece Leah sent me one of my favorite letters ever and I got it today. It was even better than Sesame Street, Leah. Thank you, Leah, for reading my blog and making me feel great about myself. You know how much I love you and I can honestly say I have never seen you be unkind to anyone, ever. Thank you so much for letting me know you're with me! And again, to everyone, I appreciate all the food, gifts, cards, notes, companionship, babysitting, and love you're all so willing to provide. In the past I have at times been guilty of feeling sorry for myself, for feeling unappreciated or unnoticed at times, but THAT HAS CHANGED. I feel very loved, noticed, and taken care of by so many, many people. Thank you for making me feel like the most fortunate creature on Earth.
Saturday, April 4, 2009
Conference and Basketball--Prescription Filled!
From reading my blog you may have established that Mondays are pretty good days for me. Well, we can add Saturdays to the good list, because today was a very good day.
You may not agree, but one of my favorite things about Saturday mornings is my kids slowly trickling into my bed. Kate'll bring Tadman in when it's still dark outside, then she'll come in a few hours later, then Parker slinks in, and sometimes even Hunter. Of course this only happens when Greg wakes up early on Saturday so there is room in the bed for all the kids. I love it!
This happened to be a special Saturday in a few more ways, because it was General Conference today (a semi-annual meeting that is broadcast from Salt Lake City in which the leaders of our church give instruction, new revelation, and encouragement) and because it was the first day of AAU basketball for Hunter and Greg (he's coaching). So as I was getting ready for basketball I was able to listen to conference, and as often happens the messages seemed especially for me. Henry Eyring quoted the very scripture that Joetta Stott put on my signed pillowcase from Alma 7 about Jesus choosing to descend to be among us and choosing to feel our pain and bear our burdens. His talk was about keeping your faith when sorrow and hardship becomes yours, and how you can be refined and perfected through burdens if you have the appropriate attitude and bear those burdens well. I loved the story about the friend with the crippled back and the cane who experienced so much pain at the end of his life but would still carry Brother Eyring's trash can up a steep driveway because he wanted to serve. I said a big "Amen" to that talk. And then the Tabernacle Choir sang "The Lillies of the Field." Beautiful!
After being spiritually fed, I got to go see my little boy Hunter play basketball! And watch Greg coach. So much fun. They won both their games, played a great style that was exciting to watch, got better as they went along, and helped me cheer, relax, and forget about cancer treatment. I may not have mentioned that Hunter has shaved his head in support of me, knowing that I will be losing my hair soon, and it's helped his basketball game. He looks awfully intimidating with his 6 ft. 3 inch frame, 285 pounds, and bald head going on. He played great, the team played well together, the coaching was phenomenal, and it was way better than the two final four games later in the day.
To wrap up a lovely Saturday my husband took me out for dinner and I even had an appetite! Like I say, I think Saturdays are going to be good days!
You may not agree, but one of my favorite things about Saturday mornings is my kids slowly trickling into my bed. Kate'll bring Tadman in when it's still dark outside, then she'll come in a few hours later, then Parker slinks in, and sometimes even Hunter. Of course this only happens when Greg wakes up early on Saturday so there is room in the bed for all the kids. I love it!
This happened to be a special Saturday in a few more ways, because it was General Conference today (a semi-annual meeting that is broadcast from Salt Lake City in which the leaders of our church give instruction, new revelation, and encouragement) and because it was the first day of AAU basketball for Hunter and Greg (he's coaching). So as I was getting ready for basketball I was able to listen to conference, and as often happens the messages seemed especially for me. Henry Eyring quoted the very scripture that Joetta Stott put on my signed pillowcase from Alma 7 about Jesus choosing to descend to be among us and choosing to feel our pain and bear our burdens. His talk was about keeping your faith when sorrow and hardship becomes yours, and how you can be refined and perfected through burdens if you have the appropriate attitude and bear those burdens well. I loved the story about the friend with the crippled back and the cane who experienced so much pain at the end of his life but would still carry Brother Eyring's trash can up a steep driveway because he wanted to serve. I said a big "Amen" to that talk. And then the Tabernacle Choir sang "The Lillies of the Field." Beautiful!
After being spiritually fed, I got to go see my little boy Hunter play basketball! And watch Greg coach. So much fun. They won both their games, played a great style that was exciting to watch, got better as they went along, and helped me cheer, relax, and forget about cancer treatment. I may not have mentioned that Hunter has shaved his head in support of me, knowing that I will be losing my hair soon, and it's helped his basketball game. He looks awfully intimidating with his 6 ft. 3 inch frame, 285 pounds, and bald head going on. He played great, the team played well together, the coaching was phenomenal, and it was way better than the two final four games later in the day.
To wrap up a lovely Saturday my husband took me out for dinner and I even had an appetite! Like I say, I think Saturdays are going to be good days!
Friday, April 3, 2009
Thoughts of Food Haunt My Every Waking Hour!
Since I can't post on my blog every day I may be forgetting some of the bad stuff about chemo I wanted to share with my friends. The one thing I can never forget is how disgusting the thought of food and eating has become to me. I didn't think it would ever happen for me, but it has. My guess is that all the medicines I'm taking each day attack that little hypothalamus, or pleasure center of the brain, and it's just decided to totally give up and just sleep until my treatment is over. There is very little pleasure in chemotherapy!
So now when I'm watching TV and see those adds that make you so hungry when you're trying to diet, like the Chili's adds or the adds with the hot chocolate brownies, now I just go "Sick! Why do they have to ruin HGTV with these disgusting food adds!"
And smells are bad too, especially my own smell. I just smell like a high school chemistry lab. I also can't take the smell of stinky shoes and socks, food of any kind (surprise!) and even certain soaps. It's all so strange.
Now it's time for my big confession of the worst thing I've done since I last blogged. It was Wednesday, and my mom and my sister were kind enough to drop off lots of nicely folded laundry piles. After they left I was doing my best to get all that gorgeously folded laundry put into its proper place before kids got home and started demolishing those piles. I was working so intently that I didn't take the opportunity to force myself to eat and because of that I hadn't taken some of my necessary medications. Hunter was home sick from school and had needed a little tending to, Taddy was sick and so I'd given him a bath and spent a good share of the day wiping his nose, then Rachel came home from school sick and went straight to Kate's bed (Rachel's was covered with clean laundry) and went to sleep. So I finally threw a frozen mac n' cheese in the microwave so I could take my pills when Kate got home and said how hungry she was and asked if she could have my lunch. Taddy was begging for it too, of course. But I shoveled it down, took my medicine, and started putting clean clothes away again only to have it be time to wake Rachel up to send her off to Treasure Valley Youth Symphony. She said she was too sick to go and I had just had it with the whole needy sick children thing. I told her she couldn't be sick, I was tired of everyone being sick and I needed to be sick for a little while. As I was talking to her Parker walked by and said, "Man mom, you're so mean!" and that was a big mistake. I started in on the whole "I'M MEAN! I'M MEAN! YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. I'M MEAN?" And then the sobbing started as all my startled children huddled around me wondering what was going on. Then Hunter decided to lecture Kate about not begging for my food and Parker about not saying I'm mean, etc. Sometimes kids (and husbands) do not understand the concept of mother as the patient, and if you aren't a hand wringer or a complainer or someone who sits in bed crying it is assumed you are fine. I'm sure you all hear me talking. You speaka my language. The good news is, I'm a little more than a week and a half into treatment and I've had only 1 MELTDOWN!
I will repeat Karla Briggs' advice in my head like a mantra--DO NOT EXPECT YOUR FAMILY TO FILL YOUR BUCKET. DO NOT EXPECT YOUR FAMILY TO FILL YOUR BUCKET. DO NOT EXPECT YOUR FAMILY TO FILL YOUR BUCKET. Thank you, Karla. And thank you to all who have sent meals. Yes, I do eat them and often they are the only thing I eat. It's so much easier to eat things I don't prepare! Thank you to Tammee for the visit and to Reed Nokleby for his visit and for Stephanie Searle for the treats and visit. Thank you to my friends who cleaned my house today. You got the stinky shoe smell totally out! And thank you Annette for the lovely flowers. I am glad you think a clean home needs a beautiful bouquet! Thank you to my beautiful laundresses, Heather and my mom, for all that sweet smelling laundry, and thank you to my friend Justine, who calls everyday just to check. I have a greater than ever love and appreciation for my sweet friends.
So now when I'm watching TV and see those adds that make you so hungry when you're trying to diet, like the Chili's adds or the adds with the hot chocolate brownies, now I just go "Sick! Why do they have to ruin HGTV with these disgusting food adds!"
And smells are bad too, especially my own smell. I just smell like a high school chemistry lab. I also can't take the smell of stinky shoes and socks, food of any kind (surprise!) and even certain soaps. It's all so strange.
Now it's time for my big confession of the worst thing I've done since I last blogged. It was Wednesday, and my mom and my sister were kind enough to drop off lots of nicely folded laundry piles. After they left I was doing my best to get all that gorgeously folded laundry put into its proper place before kids got home and started demolishing those piles. I was working so intently that I didn't take the opportunity to force myself to eat and because of that I hadn't taken some of my necessary medications. Hunter was home sick from school and had needed a little tending to, Taddy was sick and so I'd given him a bath and spent a good share of the day wiping his nose, then Rachel came home from school sick and went straight to Kate's bed (Rachel's was covered with clean laundry) and went to sleep. So I finally threw a frozen mac n' cheese in the microwave so I could take my pills when Kate got home and said how hungry she was and asked if she could have my lunch. Taddy was begging for it too, of course. But I shoveled it down, took my medicine, and started putting clean clothes away again only to have it be time to wake Rachel up to send her off to Treasure Valley Youth Symphony. She said she was too sick to go and I had just had it with the whole needy sick children thing. I told her she couldn't be sick, I was tired of everyone being sick and I needed to be sick for a little while. As I was talking to her Parker walked by and said, "Man mom, you're so mean!" and that was a big mistake. I started in on the whole "I'M MEAN! I'M MEAN! YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. I'M MEAN?" And then the sobbing started as all my startled children huddled around me wondering what was going on. Then Hunter decided to lecture Kate about not begging for my food and Parker about not saying I'm mean, etc. Sometimes kids (and husbands) do not understand the concept of mother as the patient, and if you aren't a hand wringer or a complainer or someone who sits in bed crying it is assumed you are fine. I'm sure you all hear me talking. You speaka my language. The good news is, I'm a little more than a week and a half into treatment and I've had only 1 MELTDOWN!
I will repeat Karla Briggs' advice in my head like a mantra--DO NOT EXPECT YOUR FAMILY TO FILL YOUR BUCKET. DO NOT EXPECT YOUR FAMILY TO FILL YOUR BUCKET. DO NOT EXPECT YOUR FAMILY TO FILL YOUR BUCKET. Thank you, Karla. And thank you to all who have sent meals. Yes, I do eat them and often they are the only thing I eat. It's so much easier to eat things I don't prepare! Thank you to Tammee for the visit and to Reed Nokleby for his visit and for Stephanie Searle for the treats and visit. Thank you to my friends who cleaned my house today. You got the stinky shoe smell totally out! And thank you Annette for the lovely flowers. I am glad you think a clean home needs a beautiful bouquet! Thank you to my beautiful laundresses, Heather and my mom, for all that sweet smelling laundry, and thank you to my friend Justine, who calls everyday just to check. I have a greater than ever love and appreciation for my sweet friends.
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