Eighteen Years In the Blink of An Eye!

Just wanted to quickly get word out that I'm not sick or suffering, but haven't written just because I've been extra busy getting 4 kids back in school. The treatment went much better last Thursday, in fact they didn't have to stop during it at all, and I am hopeful that the remaining 5 will be just as carefree.

Oh, it's hard for me to let my friends go back to school! I know not everyone feels that way, but the first few weeks back are always a very hard adjustment for me. I sobbed Sunday night as Greg gave each a father's blessing in preparation for another school year. The hard part is marking time and realizing the little girl I just sent off to kindergarten is a senior this year. A senior! Of course since this has been my favorite part of life--the part between giving birth to my first little new baby and now--it's seemed like just a few moments instead of 18 years. I will write more in detail in a few days when I've adjusted! This is Rachel bonding with baby Tadman a couple of years ago.

I've Got to Admit I'm Feeling Better, I'm Feeling Better All the Time

I have to start today by thanking all those who commented on my blog this past week or told me they were still reading it. Now I am re energized to continue!
I know I'm beginning to feel much better and healthier as the past few weeks my focus has turned back to my family, getting ready for the upcoming school year, and looking forward to football season instead of being on my treatments or my reservations and fears about the side effects of my treatments. I am beginning to think I've already hit absolute bottom, and now I'm headed back up to the surface and renewed health and vitality. My energy level continues to creep closer to what it once was, and with a busy school year just a week away (GASP!), I'm going to need all the pep I can muster.
I will catch you up on all my family's activities in a minute, but I wanted to get to some of the good trends that happened in treatment this week. The best thing about the day was that my great friend, helper, supporter, shoulder to cry on, swimming teacher to Tadman, and meal organizer, Justine, was able to accompany me this week. She left her mom to be with me, and I can't say how much I appreciate her. Treatment was super early this week, starting at 8:00 (that's super early for me!). I did all the prerequisite activities--the puzzle, the port blood draw, the witty conversation with the staff and volunteers--and then got the chance to see Dr. Montgomery for the first time in 3 weeks. He seemed well rested and relaxed after a visit to Green Bay with his family to see his wife's parents. I asked, but they didn't watch a Green Bay preseason game while they were there, and although the wife's parents are stockholders in the team, they don't have season tickets. I thought everyone in Green Bay had season tickets! How disappointing. Anyway, he suggested one last antihistamine to add to all the other pre medications I get before treatment now to try to avoid allergic reaction--the medicine Singulaire--and said that's the last one he could think of to add. There was exciting news for him to report, that my platelet counts had started to climb, so the transfusion that was looming last week won't be necessary, at least not for now. The other good news was I lost weight this week without feeling sick or being totally unable to eat! It was a pretty good appointment!
So after seeing Dr. Montgomery I was ready for treatment again, but feeling confident because of all the great staff to help me and having Justine by my side. And now that I'm feeling better again I'm noticing the other patients suffering and feeling fortunate for my well being. This week there was a man there who was really sick when he came in--wheezing, gasping, and spitting stuff into a bag, and when he got into the chemo suite they had several medicines to give to him. I'd imagine his cancer is a lot more advanced and aggressive than mine.
Now that I have to take all these pre meds, the preparation part of my treatment takes a long, long time. They give me steroids, Benedryl, Zyrtec, and Singulaire, some other medicine I can't remember the name of, and then they get the morphine ready in case it's needed. This week the nurse, Allison, was sneeky and started the Taxol drip without telling me while I was talking to Justine, but I still felt the reaction, but it was much less intense than in previous weeks, so maybe all these allergy medicines are working! They only stopped the Taxol for a short time, checked with the doctor, and started again, and after speeding the rate of the drip up later in the treatment, Justine and I were done by a little after 3:00. Isn't that so much better than 5:30! That means I might be able to do it before Kate gets home from Joplin once school starts. That's what I'm hoping for. As an added bonus to an already pretty good day, my buddy Sarah stopped in to see me. It was a great surprise, and I had all kinds of questions about parenting issues to run past her, and she had some good answers for me. She also added energy, enthusiasm, and fun to my treatment day. Man, if someone had given me a pedicure it would have practically been a day at the spa. Thank you to Tammee and Jessie Fulghum for tending to Kate and Tadman for the day. They were very happy to spend the day with you!
My kids had lots of activities this week to supplement my day at the spa. Hunter was introduced as part of Centennial High's varsity team at the "Meet the Team" event on Thursday evening. He thinks he'll probably spend time with the junior varsity team as well, but I think he's really looking forward to the season and the opportunity to play. The Statesman's Prep Football section came with the paper today, and I've got to tell you I have never been so excited to read it as this year. Hunter has worked hard for years improving his game, his strength, and his knowledge and it's nice to have him on the cusp of being one of those big high school football players he admired so much when he was a little kid. As treasurer of the Football Boosters I also got to collect checks that night--a perfect post-chemo evening out!
On Friday we had Parker's better-late-than-never birthday party at our house, so on Friday we were busy grocery shopping, cleaning (mostly Parker's room since the other house cleaning had already been done), getting the pool ready, and ordering pizzas. I think it was worth the wait and he had a great time. The very hot weather was a perfect compliment to our not very hot pool.
After a busy Thursday and Friday, Saturday was spent cleaning up the party leavings. Kate and Parker went birthday shopping with Greg's mom, and Rachel spent the day picking out jewelry, makeup, and outfits for her senior picture session later in the day. From 5:30 until dark we went from Harrison Blvd. to Esther Simplot Performing Arts Center to Kathryn Albertson Park changing clothes, hairstyles, and earrings along the way. Even the cello came along and appeared in a few of the shots. It reminded me what a beautiful city Boise is, how fortunate we are to live here, and how long it's been since I got out to enjoy all the great treasures around me. Rachel and I wrapped up the day with dinner together at the Pad Thai House and a movie, "Julie and Julia". As always with Rachel, the best part of the day was spending time with her, contemplating how quickly she went from being a kindergartener to being a senior in high school, and how her senior year will mark the beginning of the end of the greatest era in my life. I don't regret a single moment I've spent raising, spending time with, enjoying, and loving my kids. Thank goodness I still have a school year with Rachel and still 16 years with Tadman! I will try to relish every moment of it.
Thank you to all who continue to send meals, clean every other Friday, watch kids, and accompany me to treatment. Because of your efforts I am able to still be involved in my kids' lives and activities. And I hope it doesn't take you away from your kids and the things you'd like to do. I appreciate all the support, prayers, and good vibes that come my way and I will try to take advantage of them and translate them into positive interactions with my family. I am finally beginning to see the end of this tunnel when I'll get to be the one cleaning and making meals for people again. Believe it or not, I really look forward to that!

Now I'm really convinced everyone is tired of reading my blog. I only got one comment from last week, even though I included an adorable picture of Kate! I will try to make this brief, because I know at this point it is much the same every week.
Mary Ann Tueller was nice enough to come with me to treatment last Thursday, while Kate and Taddy had a very full and fun day of activity at the Walton's. Thank you for the kind support, and thanks to Stuart Walton for going above and beyond by fixing Kate's bike handlebars. The Walton kids are good people, just like their parents!
Treatment started a little earlier this week, at 9:15. Mary Ann was prepared with a lunch this time, since I was planning on another long day. The routine was much as it always is, except I saw the nurse practitioner again instead of the doctor, and she told me my platelet counts are getting low, so I'll probably need a transfusion in the next few weeks. She also let me know who to see if I needed help with my lifting toenails, so as not to let them become painful or infected or to have them ripped off. I was a little surprised about the transfusion news since I've felt more energetic the past few weeks and haven't had any signs of weakness or fainting. She warned I might experience those sensations soon.
Mary Ann was excellent company during treatment. She asked me lots of questions and let me talk almost the entire time, although I learned a little more about her and her children and grandchildren. She is a great example to me of continuing to learn, live, and pursue new interests after retirement age, and also a great example of how to get along with and enjoy a husband, and I could always use pointers in that area.
Unfortunately, just like the last 3 weeks, I had a physical reaction to the Taxol. It was the same severe back pain, and with it came the same necessary precautions and slowdowns. The infusion was stopped, more medicines administered, vitals taken, and the nurse practitioner consulted. I am growing accustomed to the pain of the treatment and feel fortunate that they are able to alleviate it right away, but the duration of the treatment is annoying, with Thursday's wrapping up a little after 4:30. MSTI is such a pleasant place, however, with such an excellent staff, that I already know I'll miss it when my chemotherapy treatments are over.
On Thursday evening after treatment we had our first entire family melt down in a long time. I'm sure a lot of it had to do with my tiredness after a long day, but it was just one of those evenings when everything seemed to go wrong, and everyone seemed to be short tempered and upset. Of course the house is a little chaotic when the mom is gone all day, and as a result chores went undone and frustrations ensued. The low point for me was cleaning the kitchen floor on my hands and knees in the wee hours of the morning, knowing I had to wake up early the next morning to drive to Salt Lake, but also knowing how hard it would be on my family at home if the work didn't get done.
Everything turned out just fine and Thursday night is just a bad memory now. Kate and I and my mom had a great, although brief, trip. My mom and I were able to be at my niece Ali's sealing in the Salt Lake temple, Kate was able to see her Las Vegas cousins that she doesn't get to see nearly often enough, and most importantly, I stayed awake and our drive was safe. I also got to see my sister Heidi and her husband who moved to Kansas City last summer, their son Chase and his wife (Chase just graduated with a degree in Japanese and business from BYU) and my nephew Jared who flew into the SLC airport after driving his sister and niece to Mississippi to join up with husband and father, Tyler. At the reception in Burley the next day we got to see my brother Jared and his wife Val and their daughter and son-in-law and two adorable grand children. There's nothing else in life that quite compares to sharing important occasions with family, and I thoroughly enjoyed the weekend. I also enjoyed having just one of my kids with me, because it gave me time to focus just on her needs, she had no one to argue with, and she was delightful!
I am grateful I was feeling well enough to take this trip, that my family at home was willing to take care of Tadman while I was gone, and that Parker (13 as of last Friday!) was willing to put off his birthday celebration for a little while so I could go. I am also happy that Tadman was spared a bad case of the croup that seemed to be coming on Thursday night but never really materialized. My life would be empty and meaningless without my family, and I am so glad to have had the chance to renew and enrich those relationships through a little weekend away.
Many thanks to my friends and family once again for all the mental, spiritual, and physical support. I may have given up long ago without you, and even if I hadn't given up, getting to this point certainly would have been much more difficult. I hope you can feel the sincerity of my gratitude, because it's real and heartfelt! Onward!

A LONG Treatment Day, A Short Summer

My little friend Kate turned 8 on August 6, my last treatment day. How I love and appreciate this happy, energetic, excitable, enthusiastic, and loving girl and how glad I am to have her with me each day! She's an angel!

At this point you may be growing tired of my treatment day stories. What used to take about 3 hours now takes all day. Cindy Whiting can tell you--she spent a little over 8 hours with me last Thursday at MSTI, while Tadman and Kate split time between Chrissy Rich's and Justine Powell's houses. So what takes over 8 hours, you must wonder. Unfortunately, my body still dislikes Taxol, and therefore it takes a lot of time to administer it to me.

When Cindy and I left my house Thursday morning with Tadman and Kate it was raining for the first time on a treatment day. A nice change of pace, I thought. My appointment was a little later than usual, at 9:45, and MSTI was already hopping when we arrived. Cindy was a great help with the puzzle while we were waiting. The first big disappointment of the day came when the nice man who supervises the parking lot came in and told us that some of the pieces to the puzzle we were starting were missing. Luckily we were still just starting the edges so we didn't have to live through the horrible reality of being unable to finish a puzzle because of missing pieces. Poor Cindy had no idea of the long day she was in for at this point, because in no time Nurse Jacque--the same nurse that treated me last week--was calling me in to get my blood draw.

Then, like every treatment day, the next step is waiting for the doctor's appointment. This treatment day I was seeing one of the nurse practitioners instead of Dr. Montgomery. I believe Dr. Montgomery was out of town, so Cindy didn't get to meet him (bummer!), but there's lots less waiting when he's not there. And Cathy his nurse was there, so between her and the nurse practioner they had all the help and information I needed. The nurse practitioners down there are actually very knowledgeable and completely different in style from the doctors. Generally they ask a lot more questions about your health and well being and give lots more advice and information about how to feel good and keep living your life during cancer treatment, so it's a nice supplement to the doctor visits.

After seeing me and reviewing my blood counts, I was deemed fit to undergo another round of Taxol. I was happy to have a little time with the puzzle again while waiting for treatment, although it really wasn't because I was scared for the Taxol. Now that I know what to expect, and know that the pain is intense but short lived and that it won't kill me or stop my breathing or put me into cardiac arrest I'm okay with it. I can handle a little touch of intense pain!

Nurse Jacque called me again, I picked a comfortable chair by the window, and Cindy settled into uncomfortable little chair (actually she initially sat in the "incorrect" chair and was asked to move so that the whole place wouldn't fall apart!). She didn't know she was settling in for the next 5 hours. Seems when you react to the medication everything slows way down. First of all, they have to give me extra medication before getting started, the pharmacy also has to prepare extra medications, and that takes more time. Then the nurse has to wait an extra time period for the extra medications she gives to be absorbed before treatment can begin. Then when the patient still reacts, as I did like clockwork about 12 minutes after beginning Taxol, protocol dictates that the drip must be stopped, additional medicines given, blood pressure, temperature, pulse rate, and oxygen absorption levels taken and recorded, and then the doctor or nurse practitioner has to be consulted before the nurse can continue the treatment. And during all this is when my back is killing me and I'm gratefully accepting a little more morphine. It's usually a half an hour or more before all of these steps have been followed and the drip restarted, and then it is given at a very slow rate to try to prevent a further reaction, and then before you know it it's 5:30 and you're closing down the place. So much for going out to lunch!

Cindy was so great! She was a kind, engaging and patient companion throughout, her kids only called her twice through all that time, amazingly!, and she went for hours without food until we finally gave up on lunch and got a sandwich from the back room at about 4:30. She also fetched me drinks, crocheted baby burp cloths, and empathized with my pain. Thank you so much for your kind and patient companionship, Cindy!

Other than treatment day, I am feeling pretty good, and so much better than a few weeks ago. My energy level is pretty good, I'm not as traumatized by the steroid emotional roller coaster, and I occassionally have a pretty good appetite. Unfortunately, sometimes I eat and regret it soon after--there are still some digestive irregularities--but the remaining side effects seem pretty minor.

Feeling a little better comes at a convenient time as my kids have had several things going on the past week. Hunter had the good fortune to get his wisdom teeth out. His dentist referred him to an oral surgeon, probably because our dentist is a little guy, and it's probably a little intimidating to inflict pain upon a big kid like Hunter. After several days of milkshakes and ramen and pain medicine Hunter seems to be doing fine. He scared us with a few weird nosebleeds, but he seems to be a little better every day, and I think he'll be ready for football two-a-days a week from tomorrow.

While Hunter was suffering at home, Rachel was up in beautiful Sun Valley at a music workshop. She left last Sunday after church and Kate, Parker, Rachel's friend John, and I picked her up on Friday evening. While we were there we got to hear the final concert of the workshop and it was excellent. Rachel and two other cellists opened the concert and played the first 2 pieces, and then the orchestra she was a part of closed it with several short, but very professionally done pieces. It's always a joy to me to see and hear her play. I am so happy she decided to pursue music and put all the time and effort it takes to be good into it. I think it will help her throughout her life no matter what she decides to pursue.

And then at the end of the week we celebrated Kate! She was thrilled to see our door decorated with hearts and a necklace when we finally made it home after Thursday's treatment. Since I could do little to make her actual birthday fun, I was so fortunate to have that decorated door, cupcakes with Justine, and an ice cream cake from Greg's mom to offer her. She was excited, happy, and satisfied with those offerings and didn't complain about my lack of preparation at all, the sweetheart! Then on Saturday she got to go to Monkey Dooz and have a glitter and glamour treatment with nails, hair, makeup, and a foofy drink to enjoy. She was so excited, and it turned out to be the perfect thing for her this year. Then she got to go to dinner with Greg and I with her hair all done up and her eye makeup and sparkly nails and she thought that was great. I am so happy and relieved that she had a memorable and happy eighth birthday. I don't take those little things for granted anymore. Now everything seems like a big deal! Thanks to all of you who helped make Kate's birthday happy.

I would love to see summer go on for a few more months, for surgery and recovery to take place before my kids have to worry about practices, games, and studying. Although this has been a difficult summer, and sometimes things are chaotic and messy at home, I am more happy to be with my kids than ever before. I love them so much, am so concerned for them, and am so glad to get to spend unstructured time with them. I am going to try to relish it as much as I can before it's gone.

Thank you for your continued support, cards, words of encouragement, meals, and service. Things are better for me, but this experience, this treatment, this change of lifestyle, is tough on my husband and kids. The things you do to ease the stress really do make a difference. Thank you!

More Trouble With Taxol

One more treatment day down that I've lived through and now can tell about. And that's saying something these days!

Darla Manwill was the victim accompanying me bright and early Thursday morning. Debbie Perron generously offered to watch Kate and Tadman. Darla was right on time, and as reluctant as I was to go, we arrived on time. Even though Thursdays are supposed to be slow at MSTI, the parking lot was at capacity and we had to park in a handicapped space. I think I qualify. There are no slow days down there as far as I can tell. No matter what the economy's like, cancer is a booming business!

So if you're up-to-date on my blog, you know I was very reluctant to have another infusion of Taxol. I had an emotional week, and part of that time was spent begging my husband not to make me do any more treatments, so Greg took the time to meet me and see the doctor with me this week, so we could discuss possible alternatives to Taxol. After a long, long wait (Greg almost left several times, and poor Darla was stuck watching TV in the waiting room) Dr. Montgomery suggested three possible options. I could try a different chemo drug--sorry but I can't remember its name--that would have fewer side effects, but had the possibility of causing liver malfunction. Unfortunately if the drug ended up causing my liver to malfunction, all my treatment, including surgery, would have to be postponed until my liver began functioning normally again. The second option he offered was going directly to surgery. He said studies suggested that at this point in treatment, I would have a 60 percent chance of being completely cancer free, and if I was cancer free at surgery, I would have a 90 percent chance of never having breast cancer again. If at surgery I wasn't cancer free, they would still finish the Taxol treatments for the extra assurance the cancer wouldn't reoccur. The final option was to go ahead with the Taxol treatments, drugging me up in advance to get me through the painful reaction to the drug. If I complete the Taxol treatments before surgery, my chances of being cancer free at surgery time would raise to 80 percent. And if you're cancer free at surgery time your odds of staying cancer free for the long term raise dramatically. After all the options were discussed and questions asked, I got straight to the bottom line. "If you had cancer, what would you do?" My doctor said that if it were him he'd do the Taxol, but added that while he enjoys watching the bull fight, he doesn't know if he'd like to be the matador. Isn't he clever? So although Greg was convinced that going straight to surgery sounded best, I decided to go the route my doctor would go--back to the dreaded Taxol! (I totally understand where Greg's coming from, by the way. The only thing worse than doing cancer treatment is living with the person who's suffering through it!)

So back to the chemo suite I went, Darla bravely accompanying me. There was no waiting, in fact the chemo nurse was right outside the doctor's office looking for me because I'd been in there so long. It's fortunate she was there, because Cathy, Dr. Montgomery's nurse, gave her special instructions for my infusion. The chemo nurse wasn't aware I'd had a reaction to Taxol the week before and didn't know there would be any special instructions. Later she told me how lucky it was she'd talked to Cathy, as Dr. Montgomery had put the special instructions in his comments, which my chemo nurse doesn't normally check. So before the infusion even started, in addition to the Benadryl and the steroid, they gave me 2 mgs. of morphine. Then they waited 15 minutes before starting the Taxol, and started it at a much slower rate than last time. Even with all these precautions, my body started reacting to the Taxol about 15 minutes later. In addition to the back pain and the shortness of breath, this time I also had pain in both knee caps and chattering teeth. Once again they stopped the infusion momentarily, gave me more Morphine and Benadryl, and went to ask the doctor whether to restart the infusion. He, of course, had them restart, but at an even slower rate, and 2 and a half hours later the treatment was complete! Although I had the same reaction as last time, it wasn't nearly as hard for me to go through this time, mainly because I knew what to expect, but also because the nurse was ready to deal with the reaction immediately--plus I was really close to the pharmacists this week, so I got that extra Morphine right away.
After a trip to the pharmacy for more drugs to take before next treatment day to try to further fend off bad reactions, Darla and I enjoyed a very late lunch at Fuddruckers. We pretty much had the place to ourselves and enjoyed pretty good burgers and great conversation.
We found the kids at Justine's house. Not surprisingly the Perron's had some errands to run after several hours of babysitting. Tadman and Kate were well taken care of and happy, and all was quiet at home. In addition to a little babysitting, Justine brought part of dinner over to our house a few minutes later (Tammee Fulghum brought the rest).
Even though treatment isn't going as smoothly as it could, my spirits are so much improved from last week. It feels so great to be over that bout of pneumonia and be done with the antibiotics. I'm eating better, sleeping better, and I'm able to participate in family life again. I'm just now beginning to realize how horrible those 2 weeks of illness were--probably the worst weeks of my life.
So even though I'm not exactly healthy, I am so grateful to feel so much better than I did before. I am thankful that Hunter is safely back from High Adventure. I am thankful that my kids, who've had a lot more illness than usual this summer, are all on the mend. The Stereo Shoppe continues to support our family due to Greg's time and leadership, the house still stands, and everyone is fed and clothed sufficiently. I am blessed to have a reputable cancer treatment facility where I live so I don't have to travel or be away from my family to get better.
Thank you for continuing to support me and my family through this very long process. We do appreciate all the help, the compassion, and the kindness we've been shown. Believe me, I know this is taking forever and you are sacrificing your own comfort to help us. Please know how grateful we are.