There's Much to Be Thankful For!

I can't believe it's been since November 17 since I've blogged! I've been busy celebrating Thanksgiving and counting my blessings--and eating, of course.
I'm not sure if I can even remember all that's happened since the 17th, but I'll try to hit the biggies.
I guess my biggest new thing is radiation. I started on Monday, and so far have lived through 3 treatments. Talking with my doctor and taking the preparatory education class didn't prepare me for the harsh realities of radiation treatments. I guess I must be different from a lot of people, because I've been told over and over that radiation is no big deal, lots better than chemo, etc., but I hate it. Nothing is more isolating and dehumanizing than being laid on a slab of metal, told to lay there like a dead person while two technicians pull you with a sheet until your body is perfectly aligned under a lazer beam, and then left by yourself while the technicians retreat behind a 24-inch-thick door that protects them from the treatment they're giving you. That and the big warning sign in caps that reads, "Danger! High radiation area" have me not loving my new cancer erradicating phase. The good news--I get Christmas and New Year's Days off! Greg says I'm crazy, but give me 6 weeks more chemo any day!
While I'm fighting cancer, family life inevitably goes on. All of us spent a quick but lovely couple of days up in Donnelly with Greg's mom and her husband, Ron, for Thanksgiving. We had great food, a comfortable warm cabin to sleep in, ATV riding, satellite TV for football games, and even a little snow, but not so much that we couldn't drive home. Thanksgiving evening we had a chance to say what we were thankful for, and I mentioned the good health of my kids and husband. What a great blessing that is! Our home teacher, Jesse McOmber, challenged us to write down 100 things we were thankful for, and also pray for ten minutes straight just about our blessings. Cute little Kate came up with 50 things she was grateful for before the rest of us even got a chance. Rachel wrote that she was thankful for the abacus, and other such witticisms, and it ended up that we needed more room. The praying thing wasn't hard for me either. It's easy to fill up 10 minutes with thankyous to Heavenly Father. I appreciate Jesse for giving us the opportunity to recognize all we have!
Our Thanksgiving dinner was flanked by two spaghetti dinners at Centennial. Right before the holiday Rachel's orchestra had a fundraising dinner, and this week Hunter's wrestling team did the same. Greg has had his fill of fundraising opportunities at Centennial. With football, orchestra, and wrestling all raising funds, we'd be money ahead if we just paid outright for the trips and camps we're helping our kids raise money for. Funny how that works, isn't it. The people with the kids in the activities who are already shelling out the cash are also the fundraising pool. Here's another great opportunity to be thankful. Greg still has a job so our kids are still able to hit us up for fundraisers!
Can I just say that even with all my blessings acknowledged and appreciated, life is proving to be a little stressful for me. Christmas season, which I somehow manage to love in spite of rampant commercialism, is a very busy time for me under the best of circumstances. This year I have 27 more radiation treatments thrown into the mix. I hope I can provide a meaningful and happy season for my kids in the midst of it all. My friends are trying to help by coming to decorate my house with me this Friday. I am VERY thankful for friends!
I'm lovin' water aerobics, books, college football, the new basketball season, sweet and fleeting moments with Tadman as I hand him off to grandmas, and prayer right now. Those warm things keep me going back to that cold metal slab. Thanks to my mom for helping get Taddy ready for the YMCA in the mornings and helping me make beds and fold clothes. I'm incredibly far behind. Congratulations to my sister Heather and her daughter Brennan. My sister just became a grandmother for the first time!
Continue to pray for me. Pray that this scary radiation won't fry areas of my body that I'm going to need later. Pray that I'll somehow be able to be the mom my kids need through it all. Pray that my husband won't give up before this trial is over, and pray that after my last treatment is over,my family will get a little reprieve from the growth opportunities available only through trials. Thanks for reading, and enjoy this all too brief Christmas season!

Some Days Hope Is A Pumpkin Waffle

Okay, so I'm comfortable with the writing part of blogging, but I am most uncomfortable with the technical part, so I'd like to have these pictures with each of my kids (courtesy of Becky Phillips) scattered throughout my update, but since I can't figure out how to do that, you'll just have to see them all together in this business-like and non-artistic fashion. I put them in today because I am so happy to still be doing my life's work--raising my kids, and every day I'm a little closer to being back to full strength and back to being as involved in their day-to-day lives as I'd like to be, but I still have a little way to go.
Last Friday while most of them were at school, I went to my first appointment with Dr. Tonya Kuhn, my newest addition to my stable of physicians. She's adorable, petite, personable, and professional. She started out by letting me know about all the long and short term possible side effects of radiation--the short term being fatigue, surface burns, and scarring, and the long term being possible lung problems or contracting another, less treatable kind of cancer. But according to the research that's been conducted on the matter, the insurance against the spread of this cancer outweighs the possibility of these bad side effects, so I signed up for my next round of torture, this time 30 sessions (5 weekly for 6 weeks) of radiation treatments. I have an appointment this Friday to be scanned and marked so the radiation will be in just the right spot, and then if everything goes as planned I will start the radiation the Monday after Thanksgiving and finish up the week after the BCS National Champion has been crowned. I'll have a lot of good football games in the meantime to distract me from the pain and fatigue.
Speaking of football, Hunter's season is now officially, officially over. We've been to the JV banquet, and last night the varsity banquet. He's received praise from his coaches and his varsity letter for football, and has now turned his attention to basketball. He tried out last Friday and has made the Sophomore team, which we're happy about because he'll get more playing time than he would on JV. Now he has to put in a few weeks of practice before we get to enjoy basketball season, which very few people realize is actually my favorite game to watch on the high school level, so that's something else for me to look forward to while I'm being radiated!
While Hunter's been finishing up football, Rachel has been busy applying to colleges and working on all kinds of music. She's been officially accepted and offered money to attend Willamette University in Salem, Oregon. She's currently working on applications to University of Puget Sound in Tacoma, University of Utah, College of Idaho, and a few more to be determined. It's challenging to find the time to get the necessary paperwork done when she has several AP classes and orchestras and quartets to rehearse with. The Boise Philharmonic Youth Orchestra, in which she plays, will have it's first concert of the season this Sunday.
The younger kids get to tag along to the football banquets and concerts. Parker just got a perfect attendance award for the first quarter at Pathways Middle School, Kate is working hard on homework and piano practicing in the evenings, and her hard work is paying off, and Taddy is watching "Cars" 3 or 4 times a day, playing with his truck and trailer and Lightnin' McQueen car, and taking cool side trips with his Grandma Dee and Ron. Just last week they took him up to Donnelly to stay at the cabin a few days and winterize the ATVs. Tadman was delighted with the trip, and it was nice to have a little free time without him, but I cried when he left. Having him to take care of really keeps me going.
Speaking of keeping going, I am pretty pleased to say I made it back to water aerobics yesterday. I am hoping, and needing, to get more mobility back in my left arm before radiation starts and I think water aerobics should help. It was great to be back basking in the healthy glow of my instructor, Tammi, and all the kind people in the class who have sent me cards, flowers, and messages of encouragement since we first met. The hardest part was the stretching at the end, but that was probably of the most value to my old, stiff body. For some reason as I type that kooky song "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor keeps coming to mind, my own personal little cancer anthem.
So as I raise my kids and face impending radiation treatments, here's what I'm thankful for. I'm thankful for personal prayer, because when I'm up late nights, contemplating more treatment, feeling weak and small, thinking I can't do this one more day, I pray, and then I seem to be able to drift off, and when I wake up in the morning things seem much better. I'm thankful for extra blankets, because it's COLD outside. Obviously I'm thankful to be undergoing treatment in the best sports season of the year, when you can watch a good basketball game and a great football game in the same week, and sometimes even on the same day! I'm thankful my husband's somehow making a living with a retail store, and that I have interesting, creative, challenging children to raise. I'm thankful for all the help my mom and sister have given me in the laundry and bed making department. I admit that when they don't come to help many times nothing gets done. And although I've already mentioned him, I'm thankful to have Tadman with me each day, because in his eyes I haven't changed at all. I'm just Mommy.
And thanks to Becky for arranging and cooking a SWEET little visiting teaching brunch this morning. What a nice breakfast with friends! When life is hard, pumpkin waffles somehow make everything a little bit better.

Yankin' Drains, Parent Teacher Conferences, Eighteenth Birthdays, and Other Pains

I've taken one step closer to independence this morning. My sister, Heather, who has been coming to my house every school morning for the last few weeks to get Kate off to school, lift and dress Tadman, make beds, and do laundry, is coming no more. We're seeing if I can do this thing on my own again. It will be significantly easier now that both of my JP drains have been removed (or should I say YANKED OUT!) and now I just have little festering wounds on my side, and even those will soon be gone. The only remaining physical ailment caused by the mastectomy is the numb, dead feeling on my left side, and that will be with me for a long time, if not forever.
On a lighter note, please take a moment to look at my little running back son, Hunter, at his last JV game. I wrote all about it in my last blog, but now you have the visual to go along with the description of the wondrous event. Even through chemo treatments and surgeries, going to Hunter's football games this season was a highlight of my life. It's hard to feel old and sick when you're around all that youthful enthusiasm. I very much look forward to next season when I anticipate him being a full time varsity player--and a dominant force on the offensive line!
As Hunter anticipates moving on to basketball season, I am anticipatin radiation treatments. I have my first appointment with the radiologist this Friday, and she will get me marked up and scheduled and ready to roll on radiation. Cancer treatment is definitely a marathon and not a sprint. Actually it's like a marathon over hilly terrain. Some parts have felt like going straight up mountains, and other parts like the downhill side. I am still missing my time in the chemo suite and feel a pang of lonliness when I drive past MSTI to see Dr. Livingston, but maybe eventually that feeling will fade. I've never been a cancer patient before, so I don't know if you ever stop feeling like a patient and start feeling like just a regular person again.
In the midst of having drains pulled I was attending parent/teacher conferences and celebrating Rachel's 18th birthday this week. Although the kids are doing very well in school for the most part (and Parker MUCH better than last year!) it was hard to hear from Kate's teacher that she sees sadness in Kate sometimes, and especially in the weeks leading up to my surgery. It's hard to see my family suffer because of me, or what I'm going through. The girls and Greg feel it the most, and are struggling in their lives as a result. That part is much worse than any physical pain or exhaustion I might feel.
Rachel celebrated turning 18 with a family game night and Thai food, and with a separate party at The Stereo Shoppe with friends. I stressed a lot about the friend party, because with Rachel's busy schedule she wasn't able to fill me in on many details until the last minute, but we bought some great desserts, some white roses, a few cute plates and napkins, and rented a couple of movies, and I'm not sure if she loved her party, but at least the food display looked great! Rachel's been a pure joy to me for the last eighteen plus years. If she ever gets to the point where she sees herself the way I see her, as a kind, clever, intelligent, talented, stunning, near perfect young woman, she will make a great impact on the world when she leaves our home late next summer. I only hope she never forgets how much she has to offer.
Well, I will go now so I can attempt some laundry and bed making. I know I will not be able to do it as well as Heather has done these past few weeks, but maybe the attempt will help me begin to feel I have something to contribute again.

My Prescription? Football, Cute Costumed Kids, and Sisters!

So much has happened in the week and few days since the big surgery. It's hard to believe one can have a mastectomy and still have so much life to live while the healing process is underway, but when you're a mom, that's just the way you roll.
Since surgery Hunter's football season has come to a close in a most dramatic fashion. His JV team won what was essentially the district championship by beating Borah in the snow BEFORE HALLOWEEN EVEN on Thursday night. Hunter bugged his coach enough that on the final drive of the game Hunter was allowed to line up as running back after borrowing a jersey so he'd have a legal number to play running back. He ended up gaining 6 yards, and then Centennial's quarterback took a knee just feet away from the end zone to run out the clock. Hey, it would have been great if he'd scored a touchdown, but I'm sure he's happy with a season in which he and his team won 9 games, he recorded his first official tackle while playing defensive line, and gained 6 yards rushing as running back. What a great season!
The very next night he got a chance to be with the Varsity team as they faced Eagle in the district playoffs for their chance to advance to the state tournament. I must admit I didn't give Centennial much of a chance after the way they played the week before at Meridian, but they really played well, and ALMOST won. Unfortunately, Eagle scored late and Centennial was unable to answer, although they came close. The kids on the team, especially the seniors, seemed very sad to be eliminated, but for Hunter, I think he was a little bit happy to have the season over. He is excited, however, for a chance to be a real contributor on next year's varsity team. He got a little taste this year, but next year, it's on! Centennial's definitely due for a state championship.
Right before Hunter's JV game on Thursday, my sister-in-law, Val, picked me up to take Taddy and I to the Joplin Elementary Halloween parade and party. That's was a great place for healing to take place, watching hundreds of adorable fresh-faced kids excitedly don costumes for their chance to show their stuff. I love the kids who really get into character and make those costumes come alive. Unfortunately Tadman refused to put his bat costume on, so Kate had to roam the halls without him. We never did get that costume on Tadman, but he was pretty cute as himself!
Halloween day was a great occassion for rebuilding strength and stamina. I woke up to a little College Game Day, as is my usual practice on Saturday mornings, and then spent a little extra time getting ready for the BSU/San Jose State game. It's not that I was putting on a special costume or anything--I just need a little extra time to empty my drains and put my clothes on. I'm still a little tender on that left side, and it's still hard to get shirts on and off, and I need extras when I'm going to be out in the cold for 3 and a half hours. As always, I really enjoyed the game. I was, however, as shadow of my regular self in the cheering department. No vigorous clapping and screaming at this game. How lucky are we to get to watch the seventh ranked team in all of college football? I feel lucky!
After the game it was time to focus on the kids and their enjoyment of Halloween (and of course watch Oregon and USC play on TV!). When we got home Parker and Kate were already out trick-or-treating with friends. We got to watch Rachel and her friend, John, become Sweeny Todd and the meat pie lady. It took them several hours to get the finishing touches just right!
With Halloween in the rear view mirror, I spent the day yesterday at doctor's appointments. Dr. Montgomery seemed very pleased with the findings of the pathology report from my surgery. He liked my "margins" so much, and the only one node showing any sign of cancer, that he actually applauded. I think that's good. While at MSTI I got to see my old friends in the chemo suite as I had a blood test and had my port flushed (every month or 2,000 miles, whichever comes first).
At Dr. Livingston's my incision was examined and admired and it was determined that 1of the 2 drains could be removed. I was promised a pain-free experience by Dr. Livingston, and although it was PAINFUL, it is a thrill to get a drain out. Oh, happy day when drain number 2 comes out too, hopefully at the end of the week.
As I was at the doctor (my indispensible sister, Heather, drove me to these appointments and entertained Tadman for hours while I talked to doctors) angels from church were at my house scrubbing toilets and mopping floors. Julia Hansen even hung pictures! All these kindnesses most certainly contributed to healing!
The prognosis seems very positive at this point. Next week I meet my new Radiologist to set up the schedule for those treatments, and the blood test I had yesterday will help Dr. Montgomery decide which medicine he wants to give me for the next five years to further ensure there will be no recurrence of cancer. In the not too distant future I will be able to have my body rebuilt to match the youthfulness I feel inside if I so choose, and then all this will be in the rear view mirror for me. I can do this, I think.
I don't think I'd be saying that as enthusiastically without the unfailing support of sisters--my sisters and sisters-in-law, my daughters, and the sisters of my church and neighborhood. Especially since the mastectomy, I have had so much help with meals and household work and changing diapers that I have been able to focus all my energy on getting better, and as I result, I am getting better, and quickly at that! Oh how sincerely I say THANK YOU to all my sisters. With you by my side, and the continued blessings of my Father in Heaven, I can do this. I know I can.

"Radical" is Right!

Hello to all my blog following friends. I am still alive, but at this point, just barely. I had a radical mastectomy at St. Luke's Hospital last Thursday, and now that I've had it, I understand why they call it "radical". They certainly take a lot of tissue that has always been part of your body, and it's a little hard to get used to the new view in the mirror. That, and the fact that the radical mastectomy is not the end of cancer treatment, is more than a little discouraging, but as has been the case throughout this life experience, this strange journey, there is always a lot to be grateful for.
Greg and I had to be at the hospital at 6 a.m. for the prep for this procedure. My sister-in-law, Val, was patiently waiting when we arrived 10 minutes late, and she was a great support and good resource of information throughout the day. After a little paperwork Greg, Val, and I were taken to the surgery waiting room. They got to stay, but I had to be prepped for surgery. I tried to convince them that Val was Margi Nettles, but it didn't work. So I got weighed, undressed, gowned, fitted in the tight stockings that prevent blood clots, had my blood drawn, had a IV started, talked with the anesthesiologist, and then lost all consciousness or recall for several hours, until a man with crazy, curly red hair was trying to rouse me from my deep sleep. According to Greg it took him an hour and a half before I was roused enough to be transferred to my hospital room. Greg and Val were still there, and then when Greg had to leave my brother Jared came and I had a very pleasant afternoon talking with Jared and Val about all kinds of subjects, mainly my kids and their kids, whom we seem to talk about a lot. I felt pretty darn good right out of surgery. I had one dose of morphine, but from there I lasted the whole day and didn't take anything else for pain until I was going to sleep that night, at which time I took one Norco tablet. There isn't a lot of physical pain associated with a mastectomy, but there is a lot of numbness and nerve damage done, and of course it's quite hard to see yourself when those bandages are removed and you realize how much of your body is no longer there. But I was able to recover from the surgery quickly. I had a clear head right away, and that whole day spent with Jared and Val, my mom and sister, Heather, and Greg and Rachel was a very pleasant day.
It's hard to get a good night's sleep at the hospital, of course, because the nurses are wide awake when they come to check your vitals, and they think you ought to be wide awake too, so at about 12:30 I was roused out of a sound sleep to find out my temperature, blood pressure, and oxygen saturation was normal, and then I was allowed to sleep again until about 5 a.m. when I had to get help unhooking from all the machines so I could go to the bathroom. That whole first day and into the morning of the next I had cuffs on my legs that would periodically tighten to keep the blood flow going in my legs. I was also on oxygen and my IV was still in place, so all that stuff had to be detached or be wheeled to the bathroom with me every time I had to go. That was probably the most unpleasant part of my hospital stay.
Early Friday morning my surgeon, Dr. Livingston, came and checked on me and took the ace bandages that were wrapped around my chest off. Surprisingly she said I could take a shower whenever I wanted and go home whenever I was ready. The surgery went well, or how she had anticipated it would go, and she just reminded me to make little use of my left arm until after I had seen her in two weeks. The final report on the tissue she removed won't be available for about a week. Of course the best would be if that tissue was completely cancer free, but Greg says it will also be good news if there is no new cancer growth since the original diagnosis. We're all hoping the pathology report brings the best possible news.
My sister Heather did me the favor of driving me home on Friday, and of taking me to get a mastectomy camisole that has little pockets in place for the 2 bags I came home with that catch the fluid that drains from the wounds in my chest and under my arm where the lymph nodes were removed. The drains stay in until the fluid slows down, so a couple of weeks at least. The mastectomy vest also comes with a breast form, but I need a little help making it match my remaining breast. Right now it's considerably larger. I'm sure with a little tweaking it will do its job.
I was lucky enough to make it home in time to see Hunter leaving the house for his game that night, and also fortunate enough to be at his game. Even though he ended up not playing much and his team lost in overtime, it felt great to have some normalcy restored right away, and the cool air felt refreshing after spending a day and a half in a hospital room.
Since then I've been able to get out and do a few things. I was able to attend Kate's piano recital on Saturday and go out to dinner with my sister Heidi and her daughter, Leah, and my two girls afterward. On Sunday night I was well enough to come downstairs to eat dinner with my family, and because I was already up I was able to greet some visitors who came by to check on me. Thank you to my visitors and to people bringing flowers and goodies. Thank you to my friend Sarah for the beautiful scarf that's just perfect for fall weather. Thank you to my water aerobics instructor, Tami, and to my whole water aerobics sisterhood for the huge bouquet and the cards of support. I love visitors!
Okay, now to list some of the things I have to be grateful for. I am grateful my sister Heidi spent the money and took the time to spend a week taking care of my family. The kids have made all their appointments, they've been well fed, Tadman's been cuddled and read to, and Kate's had the right things signed and returned to school. I'm grateful for Dee and Ron who made sure Tadman was cared for and entertained the entire time I was at the hospital, and then picked him up on Saturday to take him apple picking. He's been very happy, content, and well taken care of between the three of them. I am grateful that the view out my window was so spectacular and beautiful while I was in the hospital, and I could see the part of Boise where I grew up while I was there. I am thankful for the fall and for the beautiful scenery it provides and for football season that comes with it, because football just makes me happy. I am thankful that I had a skilled doctor to do my surgery, a clean, comfortable place to recuperate, and especially for medical insurance so my family isn't paying for this for the rest of our lives. I am thankful for my brothers and sisters who have really been here for me, come to see me, and called me, and for my mom who has suffered this surgery before me and moved on so well and bravely. What a great example she is! I'm especially grateful to have a husband and children to come home to, and to motivate me to make a speedy recovery so I can start being the caregiver instead of the care receiver again. This victim, sick person thing does not come naturally to me and it sure doesn't feel good. I like being strong, independent, and productive. Will I ever be that way again?
There's the update! Next up are check-ups with Drs. Livingston and Montgomery, then next will be radiation treatments for 6 weeks. I am a little shocked that there's more cancer treatment ahead. Certainly chemo and mastectomy seem like they ought to do the trick! I look forward to seeing Dr. Montgomery again so I can playfully banter with him about the "treatment" I've received. So onward and upward I suppose...

Living Life, Cooking and Cleaning, Timebomb Ticking

Nothing new to report on my health this week. I know that will be disappointing to those of you who read this blog just to hear about what horrible things are happening to my body as I go through treatment. I have tried to call MSTI a couple of times to figure out when I'm next supposed to see Dr. Montgomery, but they don't call me back, so I guess now that he's done torturing me with his crazy chemicals he's done with me. That's a little disappointing since I look so forward to doing those puzzles as I wait.
It's a funny thing, but I actually have felt worse the past 10 days since quitting treatments than I have for weeks. My fingernails have little bubbles of puss underneath them and it hurts them when I scratch an itch, tie or untie shoelaces, try to open packages, or anything else that I do with them. There's a noticeable line on each one where the damaged part is and where the new, undamaged part has grown in. Also, my bottom is much more sore now than it was, but has started to improve in the past few days, and my feet and hands are still numb from neuropathy, but I'm hoping that they will soon recover. I've had a lot of headaches the past week, but I think they are a result of withdrawal from all the medications they've given me to ease the symptoms caused by the treatments, and I think the headaches will stop as soon as my body is able to get rid of all that's left behind. I'm not sure about the high glucose levels, if they've returned to normal, but I'm continuing to eat like they are high until I find out.
I was expecting to have a very gloomy day last Thursday as a result of missing the treatment day experience, but I did better than I thought I would. I took Tadman to the YMCA nursery and did a water aerobics class and was able to get energy and camaraderie there like I would have down at MSTI, and thus avoided that loneliness and sadness I was expecting to feel. The Y is such a great place for me to be, especially the pool area, because that's where all the people come who really have health challenges. Grandmas and grandpas come in their wheelchairs and get lowered into the water with this cool little machine so they can move their bodies in that warm water and not feel all the effects of gravity on those parts that are sore and weak. Extremely overweight people come to walk in the water for the same benefits. Handicapped people of all sorts make their way to that pool each day to get their exercise in, so how can I feel sorry for myself and my small afflictions and limitations when those courageous people make what must be a long and arduous journey getting there each day? I can't. What's losing a breast compared with that?
Another bright spot on Thursday was watching Hunter play football in the evening. He did such a great job of opening huge holes on that line during the JV game that his team scored 42 points before Capital had scored once. In the third quarter Capital finally did score, but then Centennial immediately answered that score with another of their own. I believe the final score was 55-21, but that makes it sound closer that it was. Unfortunately Hunter played all 4 quarters of the JV game even though it was lopsided, so when there was an injury to a lineman on the Varsity team during their game on Friday night, he was only able to play one quarter in relief of the injured player. And that injury wasn't the only regrettable thing that happened during Friday night's game. Centennial was hammered by Capital at Bronco Stadium 40-7. I know Hunter probably wouldn't have made enough of a difference to change the outcome of the game, but I think he could have helped make it respectable. It may be a coincidence, but the Statesman reporter who covered the game said Centennial wasn't able to get anything going until their third drive of the night, and that just happened to be when Hunter went in--I'm just saying. I know, I know, Greg always reminds me I am watching him through a mother's eyes, but Coach Pete was hanging out on the sidelines at the beginning of the game and stayed and watched just until Hunter was taken out. Coincidence? I think not. I hope you all know I'm joking, but in that way that you're joking, but you really are convinced what you're joking about is true. Anyway, it was a miserable game for Centennial, but nice for a mother who got to see her son finally play in a varsity game when it still mattered, and not just when his team was already ahead by 30 or more.
No Boise State game this week, as those who follow will already know, so Saturday was open to other pursuits. I got lots of cleaning and laundry done, Kate and Rachel found Halloween costumes, and I got to go to Mary Dahl's fortieth birthday party downtown on Saturday night. That was a pretty cool event. Her friends had arranged for it to be in the basement of this swanky little place called the Red Feather Lounge. We had a couple of private tables in the wine cellar so it was just us and we were able to converse and play games and eat with our intimate little group. Mary deserves a cool party!
Thank goodness I have all these activities to keep me busy so I'm not just thinking of the time ticking ever closer to surgery. Now that I've told Kate that Aunt Heidi is coming to stay for a week during my recovery time, Kate is constantly telling me "only such and such more days 'till Aunt Heidi comes," which in my mind immediately translates to "only such and such more days until I have to wake up at 5 a.m. to be down at the hospital to be prepped for surgery, be put under scary general anesthetic, have body parts I've grown quite attached to removed, wake up and not know where I am, and then have it all come back to me when I start feeling the pain," yes, thanks for reminding me, Kate! But I'm excited about having Heidi come too.
You'll all be happy to know I made it through the entire week without any help with laundry or meals for the first time since the end of February. I didn't think it possible, but I can still plan meals, cook them, and feed them to my family, and I still remember where the detergent goes in the washing machine. Amazing! We're actually able to hold this place together on our own! Believe me when I say doing it myself again this week has made me appreciate all the help I have received even more. It's a lot of work! That's pretty much all I had time to do other than water aerobics and running stuff to my kids at school and taking them to appointments. I forgot how much I used to do.
This week I'd like to thank my mom for assisting me with costumes for Kate and Tadman. Costuming for Halloween is always stressful to me, and doubly so this year, but grandma is making sure everyone ends up just as adorable as always. I'd also like to thank Kathy Palfryman and Sue Iverson for visiting me to assess my needs as I approach surgery, to offer friendship and support, and to Sue for lending me the book club book. Thanks to my sister-in-law, Val, for calling me to see how I am doing. I hope I can actually talk to her soon face-to-face. Thanks to Ron and Grandma Dee for being willing to take Tadman any time, and for offering to take him during my MRI this week and my surgery next week, and since he loves being with them so much, like Kate he can't wait for that surgery day to get here! Thanks to everyone who left comments on my blog since my last post. I am buoyed by your support, your prayers, and all the kind words you leave. Getting a comment on my blog, to me, is just like eating a great piece of chocolate, and since I can't have chocolate right now, I savor those comments! Last but certainly far from least, thanks to my sister Heidi for giving Kate something to look forward to, and for giving me peace of mind about my family and home so I can focus all my attention on dreading surgery. You know I'm kidding, Heidi. I am so glad you are coming and so appreciative you would suggest it.
I have so much to be grateful for, family and friends being at the very top of the list!

Sometimes You Want to Go Where Everybody Knows Your Name

Oh, I'm freezing all the time now. I can't believe how quickly and completely the weather has turned and I'm hoping it will turn back for a few weeks before it's cold for good. I will try to give you a quick update on my final treatment as I shiver at my computer terminal. Brrrr!
After 27 weeks of treatment, a few off weeks because of illness--spanning spring, summer, and into fall--treatments are finally done. For my last treatment day, the first day of this super cool weather, Justine Powell made the sacrifice of getting a substitute for her swimming classes so she could accompany me. My mother-in-law and Ron watched Tadman, and entertained my younger kids who were out of school for state teacher inservice days. Justine has been the best of friends to me from the beginning of diagnosis. She has been the organizer of meals and cleaning, Tadman's swimming teacher, a nutrition consultant, and a shoulder to cry on when I was at my low point after the Adria treatments, so it was fitting that she'd be with me at the conclusion of phase one.
Thursday morning started off like most treatment days. I showered and was out of the house before anyone but Greg and Tadman were up. Justine picked me up and had me there by 8:30, and after checking in we worked on the puzzle as usual while waiting to be called. The kind nurse from last blog, Hope, accessed my port and drew my blood, then Justine and I were almost immediately called back to see Dr. Montgomery. After weight, blood pressure, pulse, and oxygen saturation were recorded, Dr. Montgomery came in the room and dropped a gown on my lap and told me to put it on because he'd be examining me today. When I asked him how the gown worked he said, "I don't know but you better figure it out because you're going to be wearing those all the time for radiation." Then he left and I figured it out by myself. When he came back in and examined me he wasn't satisfied with the exam as a good source of information, so he concluded I should go to the hospital and have a CT scan so we could see the results of the chemo. So quickly arrangements were made for the test at Saint Luke's and I went to the chemo suite to have my port reaccessed with a different kind of needle that could be injected with an iodine contrast solution for the CT scan.
I must express that my absolute least favorite part of cancer treatment has been the diagnostic testing. Never have I felt more alone, more uncertain, and more nervous than I have during these tests. Most of the time it's just me and the technician who's performing the test. Usually the technician is young, healthy, and has never gone through the tests he's putting me through, so it's a very business-like and efficient transaction. The technician has to tell you the side effects of these tests, and the things that could go wrong, but when you ask questions he seems surprised that the fact that people have been known to go into shock because of an allergic reaction to the iodine solution has you a little nervous. Luckily I wasn't allergic to the solution, so other than a weird, warm sensation trickling through my innards, everything went as expected and I was back at Dr. Montgomery's office waiting for results.
Then Dr. Montgomery was back, the results of the day's scan were back, and the original Pet Scan results were pulled up. Dr. Montgomery was able to do "show and tell" which he was excited about--it's so much better than just tell, he said--and I was able to see that through the modern miracle of chemotherapy (YUCK!) the big tumor appeared to be completely gone, and a smaller tumor was reduced in size and much less sharp around the edges. The doctor seemed very pleased with these results, and in celebration forgot to place my chemo orders for my final treatment!
When I finally made it to the chemo suite, I chose one of the cool new beds that sits up like a chair, splurged with mashed potatoes at lunch in spite of the carbohydrates, and waited for treatment while my nurse, Allison tried to get the doctor's orders for chemo. When the orders finally came, I had only a baby sized bag of Taxol to injest, so Justine and I ended up getting out of treatment about the same time as usual even with the CT scan. The nurses and other staff had all signed a kind of graduation certificate for me, I got a few hugs and well wishes, and then Justine and I celebrated the right way with a Boston Shake from Fanci Freeze.
What I didn't expect was how hard this week was going to be for me. I am actually mourning the end of treatments! I have really enjoyed being down there all these weeks, having a friend spend the day with me, and being pampered and treated well by the best nurses anywhere. My mom and sister have been at my house 3 times a week, great meals have been provided, dozens of cards of support were sent by my water aerobics class, and now all of a sudden it's dark and freezing, I've told everyone laundry and meals aren't necessary, the cards have quit coming, and I'm feeling isolated and forlorn. Having Tadman to take care of is saving me from wallowing in self pity and loneliness. And it isn't helping to have surgery looming on the cold and bleak horizon. I know, it's a little crazy to be sad I am done with chemo, but kind of like Norm in the old series "Cheers", sometimes I want to go where everybody knows my name, and they're always glad I came, and there are people there who's troubles are all the same. There's a camraderie in being with other people who have cancer even if they aren't really even friends of mine. Understand?
Since treatment day I've sat through 3 freezing cold football games--all wins for my side, Centennial JV, Varsity, and BSU. I've eaten a few bowls of hot soup, watched 3of 4 sessions of General Conference, and spent extra time with my kids since they had time off of school.
I say thank you to all my friends every time I write in this blog, but I am more appreciative than ever this week. Now that my constant supply of support has been severed for a time, I recognize more than ever how much of a difference you've really made. I've figured out it's not the meals, it's not the laundry that makes so much of a difference. It's knowing that I'm loved, I'm thought of often, and that I matter to a lot of people. Thank you for showing me through your acts of service and kindness that I matter. And if any of you need help during this break between treatment and surgery, you'd be doing me a great favor to ask help of me. I need to get my mind off negative, sad thoughts and instead count all the blessings I have. I sincerely thank you all for countless acts of kindness and look forward to being healthy so I return them many times over to each of you.
From here I have one more test scheduled, an MRI, for a week from Wednesday, and then surgery on October 22 at 7:30. I can't say I'm excited, but with the support and prayers of family and friends it'll all be behind me soon. I'll write again when I get the results of the MRI. Another diagnostic test! Yes!