Some Days Hope Is A Pumpkin Waffle

Okay, so I'm comfortable with the writing part of blogging, but I am most uncomfortable with the technical part, so I'd like to have these pictures with each of my kids (courtesy of Becky Phillips) scattered throughout my update, but since I can't figure out how to do that, you'll just have to see them all together in this business-like and non-artistic fashion. I put them in today because I am so happy to still be doing my life's work--raising my kids, and every day I'm a little closer to being back to full strength and back to being as involved in their day-to-day lives as I'd like to be, but I still have a little way to go.
Last Friday while most of them were at school, I went to my first appointment with Dr. Tonya Kuhn, my newest addition to my stable of physicians. She's adorable, petite, personable, and professional. She started out by letting me know about all the long and short term possible side effects of radiation--the short term being fatigue, surface burns, and scarring, and the long term being possible lung problems or contracting another, less treatable kind of cancer. But according to the research that's been conducted on the matter, the insurance against the spread of this cancer outweighs the possibility of these bad side effects, so I signed up for my next round of torture, this time 30 sessions (5 weekly for 6 weeks) of radiation treatments. I have an appointment this Friday to be scanned and marked so the radiation will be in just the right spot, and then if everything goes as planned I will start the radiation the Monday after Thanksgiving and finish up the week after the BCS National Champion has been crowned. I'll have a lot of good football games in the meantime to distract me from the pain and fatigue.
Speaking of football, Hunter's season is now officially, officially over. We've been to the JV banquet, and last night the varsity banquet. He's received praise from his coaches and his varsity letter for football, and has now turned his attention to basketball. He tried out last Friday and has made the Sophomore team, which we're happy about because he'll get more playing time than he would on JV. Now he has to put in a few weeks of practice before we get to enjoy basketball season, which very few people realize is actually my favorite game to watch on the high school level, so that's something else for me to look forward to while I'm being radiated!
While Hunter's been finishing up football, Rachel has been busy applying to colleges and working on all kinds of music. She's been officially accepted and offered money to attend Willamette University in Salem, Oregon. She's currently working on applications to University of Puget Sound in Tacoma, University of Utah, College of Idaho, and a few more to be determined. It's challenging to find the time to get the necessary paperwork done when she has several AP classes and orchestras and quartets to rehearse with. The Boise Philharmonic Youth Orchestra, in which she plays, will have it's first concert of the season this Sunday.
The younger kids get to tag along to the football banquets and concerts. Parker just got a perfect attendance award for the first quarter at Pathways Middle School, Kate is working hard on homework and piano practicing in the evenings, and her hard work is paying off, and Taddy is watching "Cars" 3 or 4 times a day, playing with his truck and trailer and Lightnin' McQueen car, and taking cool side trips with his Grandma Dee and Ron. Just last week they took him up to Donnelly to stay at the cabin a few days and winterize the ATVs. Tadman was delighted with the trip, and it was nice to have a little free time without him, but I cried when he left. Having him to take care of really keeps me going.
Speaking of keeping going, I am pretty pleased to say I made it back to water aerobics yesterday. I am hoping, and needing, to get more mobility back in my left arm before radiation starts and I think water aerobics should help. It was great to be back basking in the healthy glow of my instructor, Tammi, and all the kind people in the class who have sent me cards, flowers, and messages of encouragement since we first met. The hardest part was the stretching at the end, but that was probably of the most value to my old, stiff body. For some reason as I type that kooky song "I Will Survive" by Gloria Gaynor keeps coming to mind, my own personal little cancer anthem.
So as I raise my kids and face impending radiation treatments, here's what I'm thankful for. I'm thankful for personal prayer, because when I'm up late nights, contemplating more treatment, feeling weak and small, thinking I can't do this one more day, I pray, and then I seem to be able to drift off, and when I wake up in the morning things seem much better. I'm thankful for extra blankets, because it's COLD outside. Obviously I'm thankful to be undergoing treatment in the best sports season of the year, when you can watch a good basketball game and a great football game in the same week, and sometimes even on the same day! I'm thankful my husband's somehow making a living with a retail store, and that I have interesting, creative, challenging children to raise. I'm thankful for all the help my mom and sister have given me in the laundry and bed making department. I admit that when they don't come to help many times nothing gets done. And although I've already mentioned him, I'm thankful to have Tadman with me each day, because in his eyes I haven't changed at all. I'm just Mommy.
And thanks to Becky for arranging and cooking a SWEET little visiting teaching brunch this morning. What a nice breakfast with friends! When life is hard, pumpkin waffles somehow make everything a little bit better.

Yankin' Drains, Parent Teacher Conferences, Eighteenth Birthdays, and Other Pains

I've taken one step closer to independence this morning. My sister, Heather, who has been coming to my house every school morning for the last few weeks to get Kate off to school, lift and dress Tadman, make beds, and do laundry, is coming no more. We're seeing if I can do this thing on my own again. It will be significantly easier now that both of my JP drains have been removed (or should I say YANKED OUT!) and now I just have little festering wounds on my side, and even those will soon be gone. The only remaining physical ailment caused by the mastectomy is the numb, dead feeling on my left side, and that will be with me for a long time, if not forever.
On a lighter note, please take a moment to look at my little running back son, Hunter, at his last JV game. I wrote all about it in my last blog, but now you have the visual to go along with the description of the wondrous event. Even through chemo treatments and surgeries, going to Hunter's football games this season was a highlight of my life. It's hard to feel old and sick when you're around all that youthful enthusiasm. I very much look forward to next season when I anticipate him being a full time varsity player--and a dominant force on the offensive line!
As Hunter anticipates moving on to basketball season, I am anticipatin radiation treatments. I have my first appointment with the radiologist this Friday, and she will get me marked up and scheduled and ready to roll on radiation. Cancer treatment is definitely a marathon and not a sprint. Actually it's like a marathon over hilly terrain. Some parts have felt like going straight up mountains, and other parts like the downhill side. I am still missing my time in the chemo suite and feel a pang of lonliness when I drive past MSTI to see Dr. Livingston, but maybe eventually that feeling will fade. I've never been a cancer patient before, so I don't know if you ever stop feeling like a patient and start feeling like just a regular person again.
In the midst of having drains pulled I was attending parent/teacher conferences and celebrating Rachel's 18th birthday this week. Although the kids are doing very well in school for the most part (and Parker MUCH better than last year!) it was hard to hear from Kate's teacher that she sees sadness in Kate sometimes, and especially in the weeks leading up to my surgery. It's hard to see my family suffer because of me, or what I'm going through. The girls and Greg feel it the most, and are struggling in their lives as a result. That part is much worse than any physical pain or exhaustion I might feel.
Rachel celebrated turning 18 with a family game night and Thai food, and with a separate party at The Stereo Shoppe with friends. I stressed a lot about the friend party, because with Rachel's busy schedule she wasn't able to fill me in on many details until the last minute, but we bought some great desserts, some white roses, a few cute plates and napkins, and rented a couple of movies, and I'm not sure if she loved her party, but at least the food display looked great! Rachel's been a pure joy to me for the last eighteen plus years. If she ever gets to the point where she sees herself the way I see her, as a kind, clever, intelligent, talented, stunning, near perfect young woman, she will make a great impact on the world when she leaves our home late next summer. I only hope she never forgets how much she has to offer.
Well, I will go now so I can attempt some laundry and bed making. I know I will not be able to do it as well as Heather has done these past few weeks, but maybe the attempt will help me begin to feel I have something to contribute again.

My Prescription? Football, Cute Costumed Kids, and Sisters!

So much has happened in the week and few days since the big surgery. It's hard to believe one can have a mastectomy and still have so much life to live while the healing process is underway, but when you're a mom, that's just the way you roll.
Since surgery Hunter's football season has come to a close in a most dramatic fashion. His JV team won what was essentially the district championship by beating Borah in the snow BEFORE HALLOWEEN EVEN on Thursday night. Hunter bugged his coach enough that on the final drive of the game Hunter was allowed to line up as running back after borrowing a jersey so he'd have a legal number to play running back. He ended up gaining 6 yards, and then Centennial's quarterback took a knee just feet away from the end zone to run out the clock. Hey, it would have been great if he'd scored a touchdown, but I'm sure he's happy with a season in which he and his team won 9 games, he recorded his first official tackle while playing defensive line, and gained 6 yards rushing as running back. What a great season!
The very next night he got a chance to be with the Varsity team as they faced Eagle in the district playoffs for their chance to advance to the state tournament. I must admit I didn't give Centennial much of a chance after the way they played the week before at Meridian, but they really played well, and ALMOST won. Unfortunately, Eagle scored late and Centennial was unable to answer, although they came close. The kids on the team, especially the seniors, seemed very sad to be eliminated, but for Hunter, I think he was a little bit happy to have the season over. He is excited, however, for a chance to be a real contributor on next year's varsity team. He got a little taste this year, but next year, it's on! Centennial's definitely due for a state championship.
Right before Hunter's JV game on Thursday, my sister-in-law, Val, picked me up to take Taddy and I to the Joplin Elementary Halloween parade and party. That's was a great place for healing to take place, watching hundreds of adorable fresh-faced kids excitedly don costumes for their chance to show their stuff. I love the kids who really get into character and make those costumes come alive. Unfortunately Tadman refused to put his bat costume on, so Kate had to roam the halls without him. We never did get that costume on Tadman, but he was pretty cute as himself!
Halloween day was a great occassion for rebuilding strength and stamina. I woke up to a little College Game Day, as is my usual practice on Saturday mornings, and then spent a little extra time getting ready for the BSU/San Jose State game. It's not that I was putting on a special costume or anything--I just need a little extra time to empty my drains and put my clothes on. I'm still a little tender on that left side, and it's still hard to get shirts on and off, and I need extras when I'm going to be out in the cold for 3 and a half hours. As always, I really enjoyed the game. I was, however, as shadow of my regular self in the cheering department. No vigorous clapping and screaming at this game. How lucky are we to get to watch the seventh ranked team in all of college football? I feel lucky!
After the game it was time to focus on the kids and their enjoyment of Halloween (and of course watch Oregon and USC play on TV!). When we got home Parker and Kate were already out trick-or-treating with friends. We got to watch Rachel and her friend, John, become Sweeny Todd and the meat pie lady. It took them several hours to get the finishing touches just right!
With Halloween in the rear view mirror, I spent the day yesterday at doctor's appointments. Dr. Montgomery seemed very pleased with the findings of the pathology report from my surgery. He liked my "margins" so much, and the only one node showing any sign of cancer, that he actually applauded. I think that's good. While at MSTI I got to see my old friends in the chemo suite as I had a blood test and had my port flushed (every month or 2,000 miles, whichever comes first).
At Dr. Livingston's my incision was examined and admired and it was determined that 1of the 2 drains could be removed. I was promised a pain-free experience by Dr. Livingston, and although it was PAINFUL, it is a thrill to get a drain out. Oh, happy day when drain number 2 comes out too, hopefully at the end of the week.
As I was at the doctor (my indispensible sister, Heather, drove me to these appointments and entertained Tadman for hours while I talked to doctors) angels from church were at my house scrubbing toilets and mopping floors. Julia Hansen even hung pictures! All these kindnesses most certainly contributed to healing!
The prognosis seems very positive at this point. Next week I meet my new Radiologist to set up the schedule for those treatments, and the blood test I had yesterday will help Dr. Montgomery decide which medicine he wants to give me for the next five years to further ensure there will be no recurrence of cancer. In the not too distant future I will be able to have my body rebuilt to match the youthfulness I feel inside if I so choose, and then all this will be in the rear view mirror for me. I can do this, I think.
I don't think I'd be saying that as enthusiastically without the unfailing support of sisters--my sisters and sisters-in-law, my daughters, and the sisters of my church and neighborhood. Especially since the mastectomy, I have had so much help with meals and household work and changing diapers that I have been able to focus all my energy on getting better, and as I result, I am getting better, and quickly at that! Oh how sincerely I say THANK YOU to all my sisters. With you by my side, and the continued blessings of my Father in Heaven, I can do this. I know I can.