A Good Morning--A Bad Evening (Sorry to Not Be Positive)

Thank you, Annette, for picking me up bright and early this morning, dropping Tadman at Carrie's house (you go girl, offering to take Tadman even though you have no little ones at home!), and escorting me to treatment. Again they were super efficient at MSTI, calling me in for blood work when I had just sat down to contemplate the wonders of a new puzzle. Annette pondered for me while I went to have my port accessed, on the first poke again. I don't want to get overconfident, but I think the days of 13 attempts to access the port are a thing of the past. That's something to be grateful for!
Of course as soon as I rejoined Annette at the puzzle they were coldheartedly calling me in to see Dr. Montgomery--always an interesting experience, but I usually end up waiting a long time in the little patient room when I could be out in the lobby enjoying the company of my friend, Annette, and doing a puzzle. When Dr. Montgomery did arrive he had interesting news. Unbeknowst to me he lessened the dosage of my last infusion due to some lingering side effects from the week before. I didn't even know, but wish I had because it may have given me the mental lift I needed to drag myself out of bed a little more often last week. He decided to keep the dose smaller today, too, hoping for a turn around on all the remaining side effects. He gets a thrill out of the chemistry of chemotherapy and searching for that secret balance of intensity and side effects. It's just his bag, baby. So no mouth, foot, or hand sores this morning, but since I was more fatigued and down and out last week, Dr. Montgomery's final decision was to keep the dosage lower. He also prescribed more Neupogen shots, and bummer, because those are the deadly expensive ones. There's that Mother's Day gift I was hoping for.
After Dr. Montgomery comes infusion, and this time Annette had to leave the puzzle to so she could go with me. Even with steroids, 3 nausea meds, and all that saline, oh, and the chemo, the infusion took no time at all. Once again it was just enough time to have a little juice and a bagel, cozy up in a heated blanket, have a little witty conversation with Annette, the nurse, and other patients and companions, and say goodbye till next week.
Over at the Saint Luke's Pharmacy we waited almost as long for my prescription as for the entire treatment at MSTI, but I needed to get those $300.00 shots (that's EACH shot) so I was happy to wait. With shots in bag, Annette whisked me off to lunch at one of her husband Bob's favorite lunch places, Pat's Thai Kitchen, right by the Ram Pub, off Broadway. I was excited, because I love Thai food, and just minutes after arriving I was enjoying my beef pad thai and Annette her stir-fried vegetables with chicken. The food was good, and service and preparation very efficient.
After picking up a happy little Tadman, Annette dropped me home, just in time for me to join Becky to think of a delightful little something to give Lyuba Ceperich for her birthday. We went to Fred Meyer and settled on planting an Early Girl tomato plant and a few herbs in a durable, lightweight and cute little pot. We hope Lyuba and her family will be enjoying some juicy delicious tomatoes in a few months time.
The rest of the day remained hectic with fillings for Parker at the dentist and a major grocery shop with Hunter after that. Kate was happily playing at Ellie's house all this time, while Rachel was home with the little Energizer bunny.
The day, although busy, was going pretty good up to this point, but in the later evening when dinner (as provided by the young women tonight, thanks!) was being served, homework done, and the kitchen cleaned, the meltdown began. I won't go into nasty details, but there was a lot of frustration, a lot of angst and anger, and a lot of negative thinking filling the house. Seems our house is falling apart, the kids are lazy, prayers are going unanswered, and doom is imminent. A little bit different than the picture I've been painting. I resisted the gloom well at first, but I get tired sometimes, and when I'm tired I can start buying in to the negativity.
So once again, this time out of absolute necessity, I'm counting my blessings. First, I'm alive today, Greg has a job today, my children are fed and clothed today, I have insurance today, and transportation, and a place to rest, a place to be together with my family, a doctor with experience, the medicines I need to get better, and an army of friends and family stepping up to help. Today I have all those blessings, and I'm pretty sure I'll have them tomorrow. Today I live in a beautiful neighborhood alive with birds, ducks, squirrels, horses, chickens, and children. Today there are blossoms on the trees, the sky is blue, the air is fragrant and warm, and the grass is as green as it will be until next spring, whether the sprinkler system is working or not. I love my bed, my hand held Yahtzee game, my books, and Tadman's trucks. I have disposable diapers for my toddler, my trash got picked up today, and I have a washer and dryer, but I usually don't have to use them because my sister does my wash! Do you feel sorry for the poor pathetic Nettles family yet? I have made a personal vow to never give in to discouragement and self-pity. I do not believe that is pleasing to our Father. And I will put my trust in Him and lean not on my own understanding. Please, for my own sake, don't let me forget I said and thought that. You can slap me if you need to.