SHAVE IT! SHAVE IT! SHAVE IT!

Since the kids have been reluctant and freaked out about the whole head shaving process, when Greg woke me up early for church this morning it seemed like an opportune time to get it done. So Greg shaved it all off--Kate woke up and helped too--first with the big clippers, then the little clippers, and then an electric razor. Believe it or not, I felt much better looking bald, with a soft white head, than with that patchy itchy thin witches' hair I've been sporting this week. When I saw the back of my head in the mirror last night and I had some nice male pattern bald spots, a nice clean shave started sounding pretty good. I don't know if you'll agree, but I actually have a pretty nice looking head. And hat wearing is much more enjoyable when you don't have to worry about what the hat's going to do to your hair.
I took the new look to church today, not totally naked but with a little black cap on, and although I got some stares, I'm sure they were mostly stares of recognition of cancer treatment and sympathy, and not stares of "who's that freak?" I feel very empowered by shaving it instead of just letting it slowly and disgustingly fall out. It's a great change.
The messages I got from church today (when I wasn't distracted by a restless 2-year-old and 2 restless 12-year-olds and 1 restless 46-year-old) was that the power of repentance is real and God always wants us back and welcomes us with open arms if we turn back toward him, and that each individual is important and significant and God prefers that none of us get lost along the way. I'm sure there were some other important points I missed, but I liked the ones I got. I am glad for all the ways Heavenly Father is providing for me and cushioning my blows--like by giving me a nice looking head so I don't have to feel self conscious about being bald! And there's no way I'll have a single split end when it grows back in! But seriously, I am humbled by all the tender mercies I have every day. When I need them they come and I'm much more aware of them than ever before. I realize more than ever that cancer can't kill a good attitude any more than winning the lottery can promote a good attitude. Your attitude has nothing whatsoever to do with what you have or don't have. You'll only achieve a good attitude when you're grateful for what you have--truly and genuinely grateful.
Speaking of tender mercies, thanks to the Dibbles for surprising us with dinner today, and a continual stream of thanks to Justine Powell for making all my babysitting arrangements and making sure we have meals and I have walking partners and chemo buddies. Thank you ALL for providing meals, encouragement, gifts, and prayers for me and my family. We love you!