Thoughts of Food Haunt My Every Waking Hour!

Since I can't post on my blog every day I may be forgetting some of the bad stuff about chemo I wanted to share with my friends. The one thing I can never forget is how disgusting the thought of food and eating has become to me. I didn't think it would ever happen for me, but it has. My guess is that all the medicines I'm taking each day attack that little hypothalamus, or pleasure center of the brain, and it's just decided to totally give up and just sleep until my treatment is over. There is very little pleasure in chemotherapy!
So now when I'm watching TV and see those adds that make you so hungry when you're trying to diet, like the Chili's adds or the adds with the hot chocolate brownies, now I just go "Sick! Why do they have to ruin HGTV with these disgusting food adds!"
And smells are bad too, especially my own smell. I just smell like a high school chemistry lab. I also can't take the smell of stinky shoes and socks, food of any kind (surprise!) and even certain soaps. It's all so strange.
Now it's time for my big confession of the worst thing I've done since I last blogged. It was Wednesday, and my mom and my sister were kind enough to drop off lots of nicely folded laundry piles. After they left I was doing my best to get all that gorgeously folded laundry put into its proper place before kids got home and started demolishing those piles. I was working so intently that I didn't take the opportunity to force myself to eat and because of that I hadn't taken some of my necessary medications. Hunter was home sick from school and had needed a little tending to, Taddy was sick and so I'd given him a bath and spent a good share of the day wiping his nose, then Rachel came home from school sick and went straight to Kate's bed (Rachel's was covered with clean laundry) and went to sleep. So I finally threw a frozen mac n' cheese in the microwave so I could take my pills when Kate got home and said how hungry she was and asked if she could have my lunch. Taddy was begging for it too, of course. But I shoveled it down, took my medicine, and started putting clean clothes away again only to have it be time to wake Rachel up to send her off to Treasure Valley Youth Symphony. She said she was too sick to go and I had just had it with the whole needy sick children thing. I told her she couldn't be sick, I was tired of everyone being sick and I needed to be sick for a little while. As I was talking to her Parker walked by and said, "Man mom, you're so mean!" and that was a big mistake. I started in on the whole "I'M MEAN! I'M MEAN! YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME. I'M MEAN?" And then the sobbing started as all my startled children huddled around me wondering what was going on. Then Hunter decided to lecture Kate about not begging for my food and Parker about not saying I'm mean, etc. Sometimes kids (and husbands) do not understand the concept of mother as the patient, and if you aren't a hand wringer or a complainer or someone who sits in bed crying it is assumed you are fine. I'm sure you all hear me talking. You speaka my language. The good news is, I'm a little more than a week and a half into treatment and I've had only 1 MELTDOWN!
I will repeat Karla Briggs' advice in my head like a mantra--DO NOT EXPECT YOUR FAMILY TO FILL YOUR BUCKET. DO NOT EXPECT YOUR FAMILY TO FILL YOUR BUCKET. DO NOT EXPECT YOUR FAMILY TO FILL YOUR BUCKET. Thank you, Karla. And thank you to all who have sent meals. Yes, I do eat them and often they are the only thing I eat. It's so much easier to eat things I don't prepare! Thank you to Tammee for the visit and to Reed Nokleby for his visit and for Stephanie Searle for the treats and visit. Thank you to my friends who cleaned my house today. You got the stinky shoe smell totally out! And thank you Annette for the lovely flowers. I am glad you think a clean home needs a beautiful bouquet! Thank you to my beautiful laundresses, Heather and my mom, for all that sweet smelling laundry, and thank you to my friend Justine, who calls everyday just to check. I have a greater than ever love and appreciation for my sweet friends.